I have a couple questions. Not sure if you guys can help me really. I feel like it's something I just have to work on myself but, I'm not sure how, and no shame in asking.

I have a problem. I Over-analyze / Over-think a lot. Tooo much. The fact of the matter is, I always think the way my girlfriend is acting, or the mood she's in, has to do with me. That it is towards me.

I mean... I know... people can't be in the best mood every single day. People have off days, I understand that, but I have a problem of over thinking and over analyzing things, that make me think when she's down, upset, or having a bad day, it has to do with me. Even if I know for a fact, its school or something else that's stressing her out.

So I was wondering if I could get some advice. I really do want to work on this, I over dramatize things and jump the gun on things that sometimes, aren't meant towards me at all.

I'm the same.. I over analyze life as well.. It can become very depressing and unhealthy for you I understand that. But knowing you do it is a good step to stop.. I just THINK too much to the point where every single reaction or general behaviour will make me think of the why's and the when's and it would make me extremely paranoid.
I don't think any good can come from it. Now when I find myself in that position.. straining my brain.. overthinking.. why this? Why that? What's the point? I just take a deep breath and stop myself, and just think "have fun..thats what its all about". You should do the same.. Don't over complicate things.. If she doesn't tell you she loves you before she sleeps -let it slide.. I would analyze and put pressure on my girlfriend to make things clearer - because I constantly felt I needed answers.. this puts unnecessary strain on the relationship and it won't be good for you.
So if you ever find yourself trailing off in your thoughts, just think that you aren't doing YOURSELF any good or your relationship.

When you have those feelings, and episodes realise its you doing it to yourself, and cope with it, by NOT taking it personally. 99% of life is coping with ourselves.

I'm the one on the other end of this issue.

My wife has this same issue.

She watches me when she thinks I'm not looking, trying to see if there is any sign of worry or sadness present. If she detects what she sees as worry or sadness, she automatically believes, that I must be sad that I'm with her and I must be thinking of leaving her.

I cannot tell you how devastating this is on a person's emotions. I know it has to be difficult for her, and you as well.

I've tried to tell her that I can't always have a smile on my face, and that if she sees me looking anything but happy, and suspects something, to say something to me about it.
This way, if I am in deep thought about something, I can tell her what it is. But no, she won't ask, she just gets depressed, and more depressed as days go by. Eventually, she will ask me if I love her, break into tears, and once again I have to assure her that the thought of leaving her has never crossed my mind, and as far as I know, never will.

I'm going to follow your post, cause I don't know what to offer you or my wife.

I do know that as bad as it effects me, it has to be total hell for her, and just knowing that depresses me.

Thanks for all the Advice so far.

I agree that I feel like I'm putting a strain on the relationship. I obviously don't intend to do that whatsoever. I just need to stop over reacting. I know it starts and ends with me, so I will begin to stop myself when I do start over reacting. Maybe like nick said, tell me self to forget about it, and have fun. Maybe I'll get active or do something once I do start over thinking to get my mind off it.

I just want to stop, my girlfriend doesn't deserve this. I over dramatize so much.

Anyone else that has overcome this... overthinking / overanalyzing in themselves ?

Yes, try not to take anything to heart. These sort of overthinking things can lead to a co-dependent relationship etc.

I try to keep my life as active as possible with lots of different things happening so I am allways busy, always looking forward to something or completely a goal etc. I learnt from my last relationship. The key is to be happy in yourself, be strong and not rely on others for your happiness etc. If you are independent and busy, these overthinking things don't happen so much.

Well coming from an over analyzer I think half the times it wouldn't be as bad if I didn't have issues with reassurance... I guess if she showed me she loved me I wouldn't put so much thought in things as much.
So progunr, I suggest you remind your wife more frequently how much you love her before she has a chance to worry that you don't.

Yea, come to think of it, I have issues with reassurance. I just feel like I don't think about it or over analyze when I feel like everything is going good.

How about writing it all down and always write at the end that who ever the person about whom u feel that is only a human being and has his/her own problem ; stress; ups and downs... underlined?

Quote:

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Yea, come to think of it, I have issues with reassurance. I just feel like I don't think about it or over analyze when I feel like everything is going good.

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That's the way most of us feel. The lesson here is how much YOUR thinking and feelings, affects the perception of what's real, and what's not.

I can say that is my problem as well. Especially after my break up, I tended to over analyze everything. I was clutching onto straws for any signs that I could. I still over analyze but this time it's our relationship that we had and how blind I was at times.

It's good to analyze situations because that's the kind of person that I am. But you have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to conduct it properly.

It helps to focus on the real facts, and not the facts as you see them.