My sister is in her late 50s and has had a very hard life. She suffers from bouts of severe depression that cause her to stop whatever she is doing and go and stay with one or more family members and then, usually, a stay in a hospital.

This has been going on for about 10 years. She has also had cancer twice, was physically and emotionally abused by her husband and has lost many relatives to death (as we all have). She raised five children and they are good people. They all put themselves through good colleges and are trying to get on with their own lives.

I think everybody's kind of wrung out trying to help her. My sister is running out of money and has not worked since her 20s. She has been going to college for a degree in geography in another town, but after 5 or 6 years, still has not finished and has another year to go. She stayed with me recently, then went back into the hospital. I am just now telling her youngest son that I cannot take her in again. The hospital wants her to stay with family in the area, but her daughter, who has two toddlers, says no; her son has had her for a month already this year, and I had her for 2 weeks and it made me and my two sons very down to have her with us. Her other daughter took her in for about two years at one point and it just doesn't seem right to ask her to take her mother again. I can't face another visit. She is very smart and has agreed to stay on an antidepressant indefinitely, which should help some. But I'm still not sure she's employable. She was on disability for several years.

Are there people who can advise us on how to make long term plans to cope with her financial and emotional problems? One of her children wants to take over her finances through power of attorney, but I don't think that's justified, nor do I think it would solve anything. I asked this daughter what she would do if she had control and she didn't know. This is an ongoing problem and I am wishing there was someone who could advise us.

Thanks for any thoughts,
Just Asking

I Agree the power of attorney would probably create more problems than solve unless she wanted to take her in indefinitely as well. You will just have to tell them that you can not handle taking care of her at this point because it takes away from your raising your kids efficiently.

I honestly don't have the proper answer other than suggesting that you contact your state or local social services or department of health for direction. I will probably get beat down on here for saying this to you, but I want to say it anyway. I don't intend to offend so please forgive me in advance if that is the case.
Mental illness is probably right up there as the number one reason people in this country are homeless. It is difficult to stabilize and causes, as you have witnessed, a tremendous amount of pain for everyone involved. Particularly the sick one. I'm sure you love her, as I'm sure all of her children do.
I hope that you find resolution. With the cut backs in our society with the economy some of these programs that house and watch over this group of people have been done away with. Good luck in your journey. Have patience and remember this is not her choice.

I agree with both of you. I don't see anything offensive in what you are saying. Nor do I blame my sister. And yet I don't want us to go down with her. I will consult the county and see if there's any help there. It's hard to know where to go, though, as my sister keeps moving to different states or counties.

Thanks to both of you,
A

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