Ok, I need some suggestions. I broke up with my ex about a year a few months ago. I'm not going to get into detail as to why we broke up but what I will say is that I have grown up a lot since and looking back, I can't believe I behaved and said the things I did. Bottom line is I have come a lonnnnnnnng way. I truthfully do not want my ex back but I do realize that not being in touch with her is not healthy for me either. She tried hitting me up a few months after the breakup but I was still pissed so the conversation didn't go so well. That was a year ago and since then there hasn't been any contact of any kind. 6 months ago I sent her a text for her birthday and she replied by saying thanks and a few days after (our birthdays are five days apart) she sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday but I never replied. She even tried contacting me through social network sites but I denied all attempts because I felt that it shouldn't be on her to decide when we could be friends. Our friendship should pick back up when I want it to because I was the one hurt by her. Anyway, although I've moved on, I still feel like there is a part of me that is missing. I dated this girl for 6 years through high school and college, and I knew her for another five years or so before we even started dating. In short, although a creepy thought, she was like a sibling to me. In fact when she left I felt like one of my siblings had passed away. I really don't think its healthy for me to deny myself her friendship. Granted, she hurt me, but it wasn't by the fact that she left. Leaving was the best thing she did for both of us. I was hurt by the WAY she left instead. I've forgiven her for that as well because we were both inexperienced and didn't know better. I am now ready to reach out to her and see if she wants to start talking and eventually be friends again. My questions are these, what should I expect? What topics should I bring up and which should I leave out of the conversation? Is this a good idea or not? Where should I arrange this conversation to be had? I was thinking of grabbing 1 drink (too many drinks and things can get ugly... hahaha) close to where we both work... good idea or bad? I don't want it to seem like a date or anything, and since there's so much I have to lift off my chest, I don't want it to be during my lunch break... I was thinking after work instead. There is more of a closure for me than it is for her honestly. Let me know guys, and no worries, I am confident that this girl wants to talk but she thinks that I absolutely hate her and that I want nothing to do with her... Sooooooooooooo not true. Well, at least not now anyway... lol. Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions.

Well the best thing to do is to talk to her and explain your actions.

Tell her why you were ignoring her, that you were hurt/pissed/angry etc. but that you have mostly overcome those feelings and think you can be friends now.

Honesty goes a long way and it will explain all the times she tried to talk to you and you denied her...

And try to avoid alcohol... always starts with good intentions of breaking the ice and relaxing... but god knows what will happen LOL

Maybe go out to lunch... by your own food... not a date... a social place.

Absolutely. I will not buy her lunch... hahaha

Show her that you are better than that, whether if is a social or date you want to pay for that bill. I agree with you, You said there's a lot to talk about so you should do dinner or drinks after work and explain to her how do you feel, and let her that you are not the same but better. Try to get her back you guys invested 6yrs on this relationship to let it go like that, It doesn't matter how bad the situation was, when the love is there you can overcome a lot. Good luck.

If your sure your ready, just be friends, and leave the romance out of the conversation, and that leaves a world of topics. First I would see how she feels about this new friendship. Phone conversations would be a start, and if she is willing..

I know you know a lot talaniman but what do you mean by, "if she is willing..............!" Lol. I'm sorry I'm just not an expert like you so it would really help if you can explain a bit further. And yes, I truly believe I'm ready.

One more thing, I don't want to do the phone thing because we literally broke up through the telephone and e-mail. Not once did we talk about the breakup or EVEN breakup face to face. She saw me once on a train platform and literally tap my arm and said hi and continued walking all in one motion... hahahaha. This is why I need to talk to her in person. I need that face to face interaction.

Good luck!

Okay so I'm skeptical of your motives. I have seen many a person come to the same conclusions as you, and they spend a lot of time, and energy in that friend zone thing, but deep down they still have a glimmer of hope. The bottom line is, does she want what you do, just a friendship? Answer that question before you waste time proceeding any further. If you truly want to be friends, it has to be on equal terms, and the past has to be dead and buried. Actually you sound as if your pursuing a lot more than friendship, because your skipping the most important part, how she feels. Find out first.

Oh for sure. I intend to send her an e-mail and ask if she's willing to talk things over. Honestly, I've had a long time to think this over and I've come to the conclusion that we were both victims of inexperience. I can't be mad or upset with her for that matter. If she's not willing to talk than at least I can rest assured that I tried and that I harbor no hatred towards her. Having her know I'm not upset and that I was willing to open the line of communication at some point is enough to for me if she's not willing to talk. I mean, I have taken all this time to come to this conclusion so I don't see how I couldn't check into how she feels to see if she's ready too. To answer your question, "yes, I really just want to be friends." I can't speak for her or the future but I do know that that's what I really want.

So instead of questioning my intentions, can you guys provide some answers to my questions now? Thanks

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Originally Posted by thoughtiwastheman

So instead of questioning my intentions, can you guys provide some answers to my questions now? Thanks

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Call her on the phone, and see what she thinks.

I don't think the phone idea is good because it might be a bit invasive and she might not pick up. I really wouldn't want to leave a message either. I was thinking of sending her an e-mail to first letting her know that I would contacting her and whether she was cool with that. I'm trying to put her feelings in this equation like you said. If she's cool with it, then I would take it from there and call to set something up.

If she doesn't respond to your phone call, then you have your answer and stop the pursuit. Going through all those extra changes gives the impression your after more than friendship. Start simple, and treat this as a friendship, and not as a pursuit, as we don't have to pursue friends. It may not be your intentions, but you certainly are acting as if this is much more than what it is. A friend wouldn't be worried about invasive, or if she picked up, you would know she will contact you if she wishes to hear what you have to say, if not end the pursuit.