Hello. I am the General Manager at a small hotel. I have recently promoted a member of the staff to my Assistant Mananger. She is having trouble getting the other employees to listen to her and follow her instructions. I have told her that she needs to 'be the boss' so to speak and not worry about what they think about her. She has outside relationships with these people that she does not want to give up and that is why she does not want to piss them off by write-ups or warnigns. If they don't do something that she asked, then she does it not thinking that I know that is what she is doing. I think that she has great potential, but short of firing all of her 'friends' I don't know what else to say to her to make her understand that having friends is OK, but at home, not work.

How about a employee meeting. Making it known to all that if what she says doesn't get done, people will be fired. This is definitely a hard place to be put in. Maybe she just isn't up for the task...

This is a very tough situation for your assistant manager. Going from peer to boss is a transition which requires a lot of tact. I suspect that she is not yet confident in her new position. This may be one reason why she is doing the work for her team. She still feels comfortable in that role.

I have a few recommendations for you as her boss and for her as the new manager.

First my recommendations for you: Have a candid discussion with her. Let her know that you are aware of her doing the work for her team. Tell her clearly that in order to succeed she must establish boundaries with her friends.Assuming that they are doing good work, firing them is not the answer. Your assistant manager must make a decision on how important this opportunity is for her and what she is willing to do to be successful. This is just the first challenge that she will encounter as a manager and she needs to learn how to deal with difficult situations.

My recommendations for her: Meet with her team, together or individually and have a similar candid conversation with them. She should take ownership of the problem. Let them know that she has been having a hard time separating their friendship from the job requirements, but in order to be successful, she has to learn how to give out assignments. She wants to be confident that they will carry them out. Let them know that by doing their work, she hasn’t been performing her new duties as manager. Ask for their help and suggestions on how to keep work separate from their friendship.

It might be helpful for her to subscribe to my blog Career Development She'll get access to my latest thinking on leadership topics of this type on a regular basis.

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Originally Posted by srk87

Hello. I am the General Manager at a small hotel. I have recently promoted a member of the staff to my Assistant Mananger. She is having trouble getting the other employees to listen to her and follow her instructions. I have told her that she needs to 'be the boss' so to speak and not worry about what they think about her. She has outside relationships with these ppl that she does not want to give up and that is why she does not want to piss them off by write-ups or warnigns. If they dont do something that she asked, then she does it not thinking that I know that is what she is doing. I think that she has great potential, but short of firing all of her 'friends' I dont know what else to say to her to make her understand that having friends is ok, but at home, not work.

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I would agree with Linda, but one thing I would add to what she said would be that when you talk with your assistant manager you let her know that she is only as successful as the people that work for her and she needs to hold them accountable just as you will hold her accountable if a certain expectation is not met. I also feel that you need to let her know that she should not care about how she makes people feel when she asks them to complete a task because they obviously do not care how they make her feel when they do not complete that task.Hope this helps.