My sister left her son in the care of my mother 3 years ago. Well actually she left him very ill and never came back for a few days. She stole from my mom (money jewelry electronics, checks)and basically took no active interest in her son though collecting welfare and WIC for him. She was not allowed to return to my mothers home but could have at any time made arrangements with my mom to see her son. She was thrown out of section 8 housing for drug use and arrested for stealing. She had another baby shortly after getting out of jail and still did not make any overtures to see her son. Social services kept close tabs on her but never asked her to give up her parental rights and figured he wa in good hands with my mother (which he is) She left the state without any warning and called my mom a few months later and said she was in NJ and had another baby. 3 babies in 3 years... She has never made an attempt to see him and my mother had to have social services intervene so she could get medical power of attorney for the boy. My sister left the state without giving this right to my mom and she had trouble getting him seen in the emergency room. Thank God social services had a record of him being with my mom and they helped her. We had to have the courts force my sister to sign off on the medical power of attorney claiming that he is "still my son even if I dont see him".
My mom would like to move forward with adopting him or making sure he lives with her permanently from now on. His mom has not seen him in 3 years and has never given my mom money or sent him a gift or anything else for him. She now lives in NJ with her boyfriend in a small room with 2 other children(he is not the father of her first mind you). We as a family love her son dearly and he spends time with all of my children and he will be attending pre-school in the fall. He has some disabilities but he is being seen by the proper doctors and therapists and is thriving. We would like to help my mom pay for legal fees to have my sisters rights severed and wanted to know how difficult this is to do.
My mom doesn't want to rock the boat but with him getting older we want to know that he is permanently happy and safe and that there will be no chance she could take him from us.
Thanks so much

Well you will have to rock the boat, you will have to go for custody and take her custody away because ( I guess unfit mother, deserting child) but your state may have some other rules to it)

Now with that said, where is the father, since he will also have rights that need to be addressed.

The father, the last we know is in prison and is not listed on the birth certificate. He has a lot of kids all over NC so we know this is not a child that he would be interested in and for all purposes he doesn't exist. My mom is afraid of my sister but we are not and we have the money to help her get the custody she wants but she is scared that if she opens a can of worms my sister is going to say yes I want him back just to kind of put the screws to mom... she is really a horrible person and I feel sorry for her other kids that they are living in the conditions they are in. But that being said we are trying as a family to do what's best for her oldest who has been loved from the moment he came home from the hospital... just not loved by his mother