I am 26 years old and have been married for six years. My husband lacks any interest in sex. He hates oral sex completely. He is physically fit yet he has psychological probs. Thinks that sex is a dirty act. At the same time he disagrees to meet any doctor or counseller. What do I do? How do I control my urge?

Have you two discussed getting a divorce?

Sounds like you are a mismatch.

When you first met/wedded, did your husband think that sex was a dirty act then?

IMO and what I would do is if he doesn't seek medical attention/professional help then I would leave him. You don't need a man making you feel unattractive or dirty.

Is he religious?

Well you are absolutely incompatible sexually. Whether that's a deal breaker is up to you. Some couldn't do it... my wife would struggle with it, even though her drive is lower than mine.

So unfortunately you have to choose. You can stay in the marriage and accept that this is how its going to be... not what you want, but how it is. And the only recourse I see there is self stimulation, as ill never suggest cheating. Thing is, if you stay, you need to accept and own the decision. If he is completely unwilling to seek help, and he's so put off by sex, there's not a lot you can do.

Maybe something in his past? People shouldn't do things sexually they are not comfortable with... but people need to be giving and caring lovers and compatible to the mates they choose.

And if you decide to leave most wouldn't rail you. I have a marriage grounded in faith as well as my word, so I think there's more to my promise than just my vows to my wife. I tend to tell people to do the hard work it takes to save a marriage.

That said... he is completely neglecting your emotional and physical needs, delegating you to the role of a roommate, and he shows no interest in constructive efforts to save the marriage.

So if you stay, you accept this. If you leave, you do it knowing you cannot accept it.

Before you talk about divorce, id talk about separation. However... if he fails to seek counsel/help in this time, there's no progress and no change.

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Originally Posted by aarthimenon

i am 26 years old and have been married for six years. my husband lacks any interest in sex. he hates oral sex completely. he is physically fit yet he has psychological probs. thinks that sex is a dirty act. at the same time he disagrees to meet any doctor or counseller. what do i do? how do i control my urge?

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Move on if he thinks sex is dirty then there is something not normal about him. Do you love him? Think about it are you happy does he turn you to water when he kisses you. If not then get out now. I put up with a loveless marriage for 30 years and it was a waste of my life. Move on and be happy.

Why don't you talk about it with him? Ask him why he thinks it's so dirty. Maybe he'll try it once with you and realize how much he likes it. Who knows, men are confusing. You just have to talk with him about it.

It sounds to me as if he has his mind made up about his fellings toward sex. I agree with Choux here,, you are not going to solve his one. You were apparently married young. You need to move on. Even though ( so the professionals say) sex isn't important, it really is very important. Move On Honey,, find yourself a man that will love you in everyway. Good Luck