Girlfriend broke up with me after 7 years
Please help me with advice... this took a lot of courage to sign up to this board and share my story, so here goes...
On 5/3/08 my girlfriend broke up with me after a 6 1/2 (yes, six and a half!) year relationship. It's crucial that I express the circumstances of how we met and what we were to each other, because this was not a run-of-the-mill relationship.
We met when I was 18 and she had just turned 17 (I'm now 24). As it turned out we actually only lived 10 minutes from each other. A mutual friend introduced us who said we would be perfect together, so we went on a first date and had an instant connection. See, at this point in our lives, my mother had just died a year earlier and she was loaded up on meds for depression/bi-polar disorder and even used to cut her arms, as did I. Needless to say, we were both very depressed people and shared pretty much identical world views, as well as the same interest in indie movies & music, as well as love our travel, animals, nature... everything in common. Strangely enough, we had crossed paths many times in the past. For example, she happened to be at the funeral for my best friend's father 4 years before we met! And I used to be her little brother's counselor at camp 3 years before we met! We had so many mutual acquaintances, too. But we did not know any of these things until we met. We were actually in the same room, many times, throughout the past but just didn't know each other. It's like we were meant to finally cross paths for good, like fate.
Given our life circumstances that we met under, we immediately latched onto each other and fell deeply, I mean DEEPLY in love within 4 or so months. We literally spent 7 days a week together, doing everything. We went for walks, went camping, listened to music and watched obscure movies together that most other people didn't even know about... we could even just lay in bed together for hours and laugh and smile while holding each other. We spent so much time together and were SO intimate that we we considered a single unit by ourselves and all our friends.
When we met, we healed each other. God knows where we would be today if we had not met. It was like two worlds crashing together, 2 lost souls finding each other and unifying.
After about 2-3 years together, we spoke of marriage and how excited we were to share the rest of our lives together. At the 4 year mark, marriage pretty much became set in stone, it was at the point where she said, "all you have to do is ask," although we both agreed to wait until college was over and we both had stable income. We were so intimate with each other that we actually "joked" about breaking up because that concept was so out of this world. Even 5 years into our relationship, we would still stare into each others eyes and profess our love. We still loved every second of our time together and enjoyed each other's company, even if we just sat in silence.
Yes, we did fight every once in a while, some months quite often, but we fought "maturely" and chose to learn from our fights use them to progess our relationships. We got over a lot of nasty times.
We even went to local colleges because we both could not deal with being long distance.
I've been our of college since 2005, she finished in 2006. I'm working full time and she is working part time for now as she plans to go for her master's at a college within the area.
I admit that for the past year, things have gotten mudane and routine, but I thought this was normal after so many years. Despite the routine feeling, we were still very happy together. But a week ago while in my car, she started crying and said she had something to say. I had a bad idea of what was coming... and I was right. She gave me the dreaded "I'm not happy...I love you so much, but I don't know If I'm in love with you anymore....we were kids when we met and have grown so much....I don't think I can continue to grow with you.." She then said we should not talk for a week. So a week later, I went over her house. We were both crying our eyes out... we both could not believe it was actually happening. Just for some perspective, some our friends said they expected a bibilical plague to happen the day we broke up, that's the type of couple we were known as.
So we drove our nearby park and walked throughout the woods, crying as she explained what she was feeling. She made it clear that she wasn't cheating on me, and no "other guy" is involved. She also said it's nothing I did specifically; she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone at this "crossroads" point in her life and just wants to grow on her own without any restrictions. She said she wants me to continue to grow and live. We both agreed that we saved each other's lives and have forever made our marks on each other. She made me a man and I made her a woman. I admit, we are very different people today from when we met, but so what? I mean we both grew together, not apart, or so I thought. About 3 years into our relationship, she finally quit her therapy (which she's been in for years before we met) and meds and has grown in to a very strong, healthy and happy person. Our relationship was so heavy and intense that we both agreed, even if we live to be 100, 2001-2008 will always be known as "our years," it's like an entire volume of our lives.
She said these feelings of not being together have been floating around in her head for several months, maybe 1 year, but she repressed them our of her head because the very thought of us breaking up made her sick to her stomach. She said she is being very brave and finally accepting what she's feeling and needs to end rather than fall into a relationship that is only together out of fear of the pain of breaking up. It was a bold and honorable decision, I admit, but I am crushed because it came OUT OF NOWHERE and my feelings have never changed for her. I even admit that although any 7 year break up is going to be ugly, it was the most civil, mature and respectful break up I've ever heard of. It's very obvious that she does love and care about me. She sincerely only wants good things for my future.
I am so lost without her. She was the light at the end of my day. If something bad or sad happened to me, I could just say to myself "It's okay, I have her!" After 7 years with someone, it's like half of my life was ripped away from me. We both have to adjust to new routine. Actually its like adjusting to brand new lives. This is the most difficult period I've ever experienced, way worse than even my mom's death. I not only lost my girlfriend, but I also lost my best friend... the only person who truly "got" me. We both connected on such a deep, intimiate level... it got to a point where we could even finish each other's sentences! We could speak without even opening our mouths... we were like kindred spirits... it's very difficult to describe exactly how close we were.
It may be easy for someone to say that we met based on a need for each other, and once this need was gone, our relationship was no longer necessary, but it's not true. Yes, we were very co-dependent, but we grew a GENUINE and deep love. We were not together just to "ease each others pain." We truly loved our time together.
After she broke up with me, she said she wants to visit my mothers headstone with me when we are both "okay" to speak to one another. She's not doing this to screw with my head (trust me, she's not like that), this is something that we both want to do because it's very important to both of us. Although my mom died a year before we met, she has been "alive" and "important" in shaping our relationship given the circumstances that we met under, if that makes any sense. This is something that needs to be done, like closing the final chapter.
The thing is, I can't stop thinking about her... I was actually going to propose to her this summer. I can't function. I can't sleep or eat. I try to rekindle old friends that I weened off when we got so serious, and it's working a little bit. But even in my friend's company, I still feel so lonely and lost. I miss "snuggling" in bed and watching TV, I miss her arms around me... god I miss this girl so much... I even have dreams that she calls me up and says "baby I want you back, you are my soulmate, I've missed you so much..."
Even though she broke me heart into a million pieces, I have no hate for her. In a sad way, she did the right thing from her perspective and it took a lot of courage, and love and concern for us. But I just want my baby back... How do I let go of 7 years with my greatest joy, my greatest happiness, my purpose to wake up in the morning... I can't get her out of my head...
By the way we did not live together, but we have been dreaming and speaking about it for the past 3 years. We just needed to get our education over with first, get stabilized. Although we didn't live together we spent like 4-5 days together, even with both of us working so much. We had sleepovers 1-3 nights a week for the past 5 years, same bed. God I miss waking up next to her. We would both wake up and just lay in each others arms and smile...
I am 100% certain that we should be together... I just wish there was some way to get her back. 7 years is just too much to let go of... especially after what we've been through. It's been 3 days since the breakup, and there has been no contact since. It's so hard... my fingers ache to call her up but I know it's just going to push her away.
