Ask Me Help Desk - How to move on.

Hi Everyone. This is my frist time here. I don't know what else to do... My boyfriend and I of 3 years we lived together the last year just broke up on Easter. We had a very good relationship hardly ever fought, just small little arguments. Trustworthy with one another... we seriously both thought it was us forever. Easter we both said and did thiings that we did not mean. We have tried to work things out but we have felt awkward around one another, we didn't know how to act. So just this weekend he told me he doesn't know what he wants. He tells me I am the best thing that has ever happened to him I helped him to grow up and see what true love is. But how we have been with each other the last month is just werid anymore and he doesn't know why, but he doesn't feel the same anymore... he'll say he still wants to talk and be friends. But if I call if I had a bad day at work he will not answer his phone or never call me back.

How is it that I move on? I want things to work but with him saying he doesn't know what he wants... I feel its best to move on. How do I make him miss me.. even just a little?

Any advice would be greatly apprecaited:)

Ohh I am 23 years old, have a BSW, great job making good money have my feet on the ground, just now my heart is shattered...

Such times are hard...

Not to hurt you any more than you are but right now I'm in a relationship too... 'cept me and my lover fight a lot and argue a lot

But you know, during such times, its probably best to leave things how it is.
One way (usually the hardest) to move on is to forget. Forget and forgive.

Something that my friend says about situations like this: "Forget and forgive. It's the only way out, and the only way back in."

Being friends can be a good way to start your relationship over again.
Being friends give you time to know what you want, what to do.

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Originally Posted by SarrahMU

How is it that i move on? I want things to work but with him saying he doesnt know what he wants... I feel its best to move on. How do i make him miss me.. even just a little?

Any advice would be greatly apprecaited:)

I am truly sorry for you - I know how you feel. Hopefully I can give a good enough answer until wiser people can help you.

You CAN'T MAKE HIM MISS YOU. No contact with him is the only thing you can do. This might make him realize he misses you... it may not. But that is not what is important, I am starting to see that NO CONTACT is for you and not about the other person. Letting go and concentrating on yourself is what makes you better - it is no quick fix, but it is still quicker than any other way.

The best way to make him miss you is to leave him alone. Ever hear the saying if you love something set it free if it comes back its yours if it doesent it never was?
Maybe he feels like he needs time to see if you are meant to be.
Maybe you should talk to him and tell him exactly what you said here.
Try not to act like it's the end of the world or he might clam up.
Maybe take a step back and put the ball in his court.
Good luck.
Hope this was some help.

Thank you, and I know I need to not have contact but it is sooo freaking hard haha... I work at children and youth social services in our county, and my job is so stressful and he was always the one that I got comfort from every day after work... He is like a drug and I depended on him to make me feel better. He says he does not want to be with someone else he just wants things to be the way they were before we got in this big argument and I moved out. We just don tknow how to get back there... we both clam up when we are around one another.

But thank you for all the advice.

One thing that you said that can't be thru deep in side your heart is that you depend on him for comfort..... that's a no no no!!!! And I tell you why, you are giving him the power and the excuse for him not to missed you or even think about you, because he is expecting you to feel that way. You need to only depend on yourself and no one else and get that personal trust back and confident as well. If he really love you and wants to be with you he'll be back for the best and if he doesn't you are ready to depend on you.

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How is it that I move on? I want things to work but with him saying he doesn't know what he wants... I feel its best to move on. How do I make him miss me.. even just a little?

Forget making him do anything, but there is a lot you can do for yourself. You must balance your life with people, and things you enjoy, and take responsibility for your own happiness. Leave him alone to find his way with out pressure from you at all. Build a life that you enjoy and love yourself. That's what you do for you. Click on the links in my signature, for some great suggestions to help you put things in perspective for yourself.