Ask Me Help Desk - I like one of my employees but I cannot tell if she likes me.

OK this is what's going on... I hired a employee 4 months ago.. she is a very nice & beautiful woman 24 yo... I am 27 yo if that matters anyhow... I have experience on dating but just can't get my head around her... the thing is that when we started working for the first 2 months it was just vague discussions about generally anything... after our relationship relaxed a bit... we started having more "personal" conversations... sometimes we fool around, in a good way:), like we make jokes or I massage her etc etc... so there is some touching going on:) but all in a good spirit... generally we speak about a lot of things and sometimes I say some stuff in order to catch a reaction... but I just can't understand if she likes me that way or not... btw we are 3 people in the office working... the other guy is 37 and no interest... I can't say that I am the most beautiful person in the world but I get around... also the other guy, since he is more experienced, he keeps saying to go for it cause she is up to it... also we have been out couple of times , as an office meaning all 3 of us, and once we had couple glasses of wine and spend good time... but I had to do so I didn't ask her for drinks or anything... anyways she doesn't have a boyfriend since last summer... so I want to do something with her before the summer if you get my point:) thanks for listening and sorry for boring u:) any suggestions are welcome... thnx!

P.S. Btw we are sometimes on and off... she is a bit cold sometimes and I think that's her character in general... I mean this past Thursday we were having some very close contacts and then all of a sudden in Friday she kind of said no more of this... out of nowhere... and now its off again... really can't get what her problem is...

I think I know what her problem is. She doesn't want to cross the boundary into an employee/employer relationship, and I don't think you should either. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and I think you should go fishing out of the office and keep the relationship perfectly professional, as it should be.

Be very very careful about mixing work and pleasure. Especially now that she has said "No more of this" which equates to telling you no. You could find yourself charged with sexual harassment in the workplace for making unwanted sexual advances and especially since the other guy in the office is aware of the situation, she has a witness. You're better off keeping her only as a co-worker. Don't retalliate in any way or give her low job performance skills based on anything other than work performance that you have clear documentation to support. She might be the hottest thing on earth, next to fire, but one wrong move and you will get burned.

1st of thanks for the replies guys... very helpful... though on the other hand the thing, as I said from the beginning the is a strange case... why? Because today she is totally different again... im telling you there is something strange going on... she said that because of her work she reacted that way and not to get offended and mostly its because of gyneological problems she is like this if you get my drift... and she is her usual self again today... with all the fooling around, touching, playing etc etc... and the funny thing is that if I ask her out she is OK with it... because I tried it couple of times just for checking out and she said OK but I ended up cancelling them(I know I'm an a**)... I don't know what the hell is wrong with her... I think she doesn't know what she wants... anyways... mind of a woman is a huge mess... can never tell what the hell they are thinking!

Ms. tickle knows what she thinks and you are both off base here. How do you know she won't turn around and charge you with harassment once her mind changes again. Your reputation is on the line as it is making unwanted/thenwanted advances towards an employee. A recipe for disaster if ever I heard of one !

And, leopold, it sounds like your intentions are far beyond honourable from the way you explain the situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

ms. tickle knows what she thinks and you are both off base here. How do you know she wont turn around and charge you with harrassment once her mind changes again. Your reputation is on the line as it is making unwanted/thenwanted advances towards an employee. A recipe for disaster if ever I heard of one !

And, leopold, it sounds like your intentions are far beyond honourable from the way you explain the situation.

My intentions are honorable... just want to get to know her better because I think we can have a good time... for me sex isn't the 1st thing that comes to mind... especially with this girl... I just feel like we can have a good time... and as regarding sexual harassment there is no problem in that sector believe me... her and me, especially, aren't that type of people... I know that for sure... so the only thing that worries me is that if I make a move and it goes bad that we going to have problems in the office also... although I am mature enough to leave those problems outside the office again it will be awkward... really don't know what to do... :confused:

Maybe when you have some time you should read some of the office romances. What happens if you get her by the summer, as you have planned, and it ends? Do you think she or you can handle that and let alone work with one another. I bet you she have and that's probulary why she acts that way. I bet you if she has friends this topic was always thought about and if the pay is right and she likes the job it's a risk she don't want to take. She might also know what you describe that your looking for sex because that's what it sounded like in your post to me and she most likely don't want too.Your her boss and it won't be a bad thing if you back off or soon she be carrying a tape recorder and you won't hear it to your in court. Never underestimete a women, that's why were so hard to read.

With her moodiness I would not trust her with work and pleasure. She seems unsure of herself and what she wants so she very easily could go on again and then go after you for sexual harassment. You need to be careful. I would ignore her and let her pursue you and tell her that you want a for sure decision one way or another because next off again you aren't going to be an up and down yo-yo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

With her moodiness I would not trust her with work and pleasure. She seems unsure of herself and what she wants so she very easily could go on again and then go after you for sexual harassment. You need to be careful. I would ignore her and let her pursue you and tell her that you want a for sure decision one way or another because next off again you aren't going to be an up and down yo-yo.

Yep... what you say actually makes a lot of sense... just going to let it be... not going to do anything in my part and just leave it at that... shame though because I thought something good would come out if we tried... ow well... C'est la vie eh?. if anything new happens (which it wont) ill let you guys know... thank you for all your replies!