My boyfriend of almost 2 years is requesting a break, but we're in an awkward situation because we live together and I just started a full time job (there is no way I could live on my own right now). He's not going to kick me out or anything. We're still together. He said he still loves me and wants to be with me but he's confused because deep down inside he still has this urge to date other women... and while I'm hurt by the fact that he said that, I came to the realization that if we are truly meant to be we'll come back to one another. He said he is afraid of losing me and that he's afraid he'll never find another woman like me, but he has this urge that makes him want to take that risk (which to me sounds like he still thinks he can do better). And while I love him and want to be with him, I am not going to compete with his urges to date other women or to be on his own, but now I feel stuck, because I feel like we're both putting on a front of acting all lovely dovely just until I get more situated at my job so I can save up and move out. I'm scared because I don't want to lose him and it makes tears come out my eyes just thinking of him meeting and being with someone else. Now I can't even look at him the same way knowing what I know. It's one thing to say he wants to be on his own to re-evualuate things and his life, but its another thing to say that you still have an urge to date other women. What should I do? I need like at least 8 months to save up and move out... I won't miss his cat though:p... and I made it clear to him that if we do give each other that break, that he better not expect us to become friends with benefits, ill still keep in contact but at a distance and I will date others... but that's the thing, I don't want to date others, I just want to be with him. God tears are coming out my eyes just writing this... also I'm his first serious long-term relationship and he's 28... it kind of hurts to know that if he think he can do better he will leave but is afraid that he won't find any one else like me that loves him the way I do. And what makes it worse is that he says he's been feeling like this since we've been going out (but the thoughts were off and on) and didn't know if these kind of thoughts were normal to have in a relationship (as I said, this has been his first real relationship)

Hi, anewme, I guess he got too comfortable, complacent, and forgot that he didn't share the same feelings you did. That's what I read between the lines anyway.

What the heck was he doing, play acting the whole time !

If I were you I would make it perfectly clear to him that there will be no relationship ever again if he doesn't want one now. I really don't think he deserves your time.

Im sorry that you have to go through this.. It's always shocking for the person that is hearing this because we never expect to hear it, it comes out of no where though the dumper has been thinking about it for a while.. I think under the circumstances you should move out as soon as possible, go to a friends , your parents, somewhere.. If you continue living together-there is no doubt in my mind that you will either a) get back together - WHICH IS BAD because it will be for the wrong reasons, and you will get hurt again in the future I guarantee it. OR b) You will continue to sleep together while he is out trying to find someone else - and you deserve better than that.
You need to delete him from your life. If he wants to make this mistake then you have to let him - but you aren't going to support him through it as well.. That means no contact..
One day you'll wake up and you'll decide that this was for the best.. I don't know if you had marriage in the back of your head with this man.. but he's 28 now - and he clearly just told you that he doesn't want any long term future plans with you. On the plus side you know that there is nothing this man can offer you now.. and even getting back together shouldn't be on your mind.. I know it hurts and this is a huge amount of information to absorb all at once.. but we all feel for you here.. You need to do what's best for you.

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he's confused because deep down inside he still has this urge to date other women...

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What could be more forth right, and honest than that? You don't have 8 months. Give him what he has asked for ASAP! Every day you wait will be much harder, and save the ultimatiums. Save all the emotional haggling. For your sake, not his.

The urge is perfectly normal. I mean, he's human right. But what's not normal is to act on it and then have a plan to come back to you. What makes him think that you won't have any personal growth, or enough won't go on in your life, so that when he comes back everything can be the same? Noway! My goodness, he also thinks sleeping with other woman, his selfish urge, is possibly worth losing you over. He said it might be worth the risk? Wow.

You have a life. You don't live in "his" world. You have your own world. Someone who thinks they can go and screw around with other girls, and then possibly get back with you, really doesn't take your life into consideration. It's all about him.

Are there any of your friends that need a roommate? Any family that needs a roommate? I suggest that if he makes the selfish choice, you move on without him. He'll never be happy/satisfied and will never make any other woman happy. He's going to tell his next girlfriend and the one after that, how he has to step out and screw another lady because he just... well... he really... see, he has this urge!

Don't wait on him to make a choice. Don't wait on him to tell you what he's decided for your life! Tell him you'll have none of this, because you want something that's stronger against petty "urges". But make sure he knows that you two being apart was HIS decision... his risk that he believed was worth it?

I been in your situation way back 2 years ago. He broke up with me and dated couple of girls. I accept all those things because he said he still have a feelings and I love him so much. I kept believing things will be fine sooner. We had an agreement that we still stay together but I will not react in everything he'll do. I was wrong staying with him. It was so hurt to see him enjoying his dates. I became so martyr for 6 months until I found out he fell in love with our neighbor. It was devastating, he wasted 3 years of our relationship. We never fixed anything, things gets all worst. Thanks for my friends who help me to move out. I rented a small room for a cheaper price. We still communicate to each other when I asked finally asked him to choose a life with me or separated life. He said he need time to think, so I asked myself "what for?"If he really do love me he will not hurt and let me wait.I realized he treated me that way because I let him. I finally moved on with my life. I found stable job. I enjoyed being with friends, family,dating. I enjoyed being single until I met my new BF now. We're happy we live in together, I never felt the same hurt feelings I felt from my ex. Go on with your life there is TOO MANY FISH in the ocean. You will find someone that you deserve. Don't waste anytime! Pack your things and leave that guy. He's treating you that way because he knows you can always be with him anytime he wants to. Enjoy being single, love yourself,its better to cut your losses than to regret in the end. I know it hurts so much. I been in that situation but I tell you it will help you to be strong to face the future. You can stay with your parents for the mean time until you earn enough to have your own place. Look for a friend who's renting ask them if you can share paying rents. Time can heal everything. I spent more than 1 year to recover but I was so grateful we broke up because I got a better life and future now. Don't be afraid on what is going to happen in the future. Once you guys break up.. Don't ever ever communicate with him. That's my biggest mistake I let it happened and it end up so paintful. If he really loves you he will control this "urges" he's 28 yrs old and matured enough. Love yourself, give what he wants. You deserve to be happy. Good luck :)

Well, if you are stupid enough to let him get away with this crap, at least be intelligent enough to get a HIV/sexually transmitted infection test from the doctor after the twunt comes back to you.

I was in pretty much the EXACT situation as you are a year and a half ago. I had never felt so confused emotionally, and frsutrated, sad, angry and hurt in all my life. But now that time has past you have to do what is right deep down for you and that is to move out and move on! There are so many men out there, and while it's hard to realize that, you shouldn't be with one is in not sure about what he wants, because in the long run you will get hurt worse (like I did) and he will most likely cheat on you. He's letting you know fair and square how he honestly feels. At least give him some credit for being honest. But girl, move on, move out, be strong... stay with friends or family and most of all focus on you! Do things you love to do, ignore him for a couple months comppletely, travel etc. You will build the strength, mingle with other men, and look back like I have and realize it sooo wasn't meant to be!

p.s. do not do the Friends with benefits thing... trust me it will only F_ck things up worse in the long run, if you do ever want to be friends with him in the future.

Hehe, a lot of "nail on the head" responses here. I hope you heed them.

Look, if you like being some guy's "fallback" option while he plays the field, if having some guy "settle" for you later because he didn't find what he really wanted, if you have so little impression of your self-worth, then THIS is the place to be.

You can't live alone? Your only option for cohabitating involves a guy who thinks you're "ok"? I bet the classified section of your newspaper will tell you a different story, right now. Today.

You know, a little self-dignity can carry you a long way in the "be all you can be" arena. Do you actually believe the things you said in your original post, that you "can't live without him" and your feelings of love for him make it OK to be treated like a second-string backroom booty call unless/until he finds something he really likes better (which is his goal)?

Do you REALLY believe that? I don't even know you and I know neither thing is true or healthy.

Give him what he wants... space. Your room should be empty by THIS Saturday. I'm not telling you to abandon him completely if you really "can't", but you darn well better get him out of your home. You need your life and independence back.

Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a completely self-sufficient woman with goals and activities and excitement in her attitude and life... who then allows time in her life for him. Sounds to me like you don't present that way any longer.

Time to reclaim your center. Time for YOU to the awesome girl others are after, including him. You wait on the sidelines for no one.