Ok, my oldest son is 3 and lately when he doesn't get his way he says he hates me. He doesn't say it to his dad, uncle, aunt, grandma... just me. My husband and my brother put him in the corner when they hear him say it, but I don't do anything because honestly I don't know what to do.

Should I correct him? If so, how?

ALL kids hate their parents at some point in time. Not really, they just think they do.

Try and explain to him what the word HATE means, and how much it hurts your feelings. Tell him it's a bad word and not to be said just as any curse word.

I think the corner is a good idea, or perhaps privilege deprivation.

Thanks I'll try to explain it to him.

The corner honestly doesn't work, and neither does taking things away like his toys.

He has a bad temper. When he doesn't get his way, along with saying he hates me, he smacks himself in the face (like he thinks that hurts me or something).

He has thrown such terrible screaming tantrums lately that he lost like half of his voice. He sounds like he has Laryngitis (sp?).

Question is where would he learn this from?

Don't ask me. Niether me or my husband throw tantrums.. lol. We don't say we hate each other, we don't hit each other or ourselves and we NEVER scream.

He does hang around with my sister's boyfriend's kids sometimes but they are good boys.

I don't necessarily disagree with CM, but I do have a different approach.

When he say's I hate you and you put him in time out you are giving him attention. Sometimes any attention is good attention, even if it isn't positive.

My son went through an "I hate you" stage, at first I gave him time outs and I also told him how much it hurt my feelings, it was like giving him a key to the city, he started saying it even more.

One day I decided to take a different route. When he said "I hate you" I said "that's to bad, because I still love you." and then left the room. He tried again and I repeated the same line, and then would go off to do something else. I acted as if his words had no effect on me. It wasn't instant but the frequency with which he said it quickly diminished and he stopped altogether within a week.

I don't know if it will work for you, but it's worth a try.

Good Luck.

Just wondering where he would learn this because then you could come up with an answer on how he learned this behaviour. Also come up with a solution on how to get him out of the influence of what may be causing this behaviour. I agree with others that different approaches are needed on dealing with this.

Thanks Alty I'll try that! When he says it to me I don't even say anything because honestly it shocks me. I didn't think I'd have to go through the "i hate you" phase until the teenage years. :p

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I don't necessarily disagree with CM, but I do have a different approach.

When he say's I hate you and you put him in time out you are giving him attention. Sometimes any attention is good attention, even if it isn't positive.

My son went through an "I hate you" stage, at first I gave him time outs and I also told him how much it hurt my feelings, it was like giving him a key to the city, he started saying it even more.

One day I decided to take a different route. When he said "I hate you" I said "that's to bad, because I still love you." and then left the room. He tried again and I repeated the same line, and then would go off to do something else. I acted as if his words had no effect on me. It wasn't instant but the frequency with which he said it quickly diminished and he stopped altogether within a week.

I don't know if it will work for you, but it's worth a try.

Good Luck.

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Strike mine, use Altenweg's approach. She's the Momma and has been through this. My only baby (chihuahua) can't talk... so. This sounds like a great approach.

I can't give alty a greenie but my middle son responded to the same tatics that she used with hers. He gave it up when he did not get a reaction from me.

I hope you all aren't thinking "bad parent" because I honestly don't know where it is coming from. He is very smart and learns things on his own sometimes.

The other day he said "I want my own way" and me or my husband have never said anything remotely like that around him.

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

I didnt think i'd have to go through the "i hate you" phase until the teenage years. :p

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Hee, hee, I can't tell you about the teen years yet, but I'm sure there will be I hate you's then too. My oldest is 9 going on 14, really, he's already getting the teen attitude and I have so much more to look forward to. He's got a good base though so I'm sure we'll get through it, we might not both come out alive though. ;) (kidding)

He may have seen it on t.v wherever he saw or heard it he used it and got a reaction and decided to use it more often.

That is a possibility he does watch TV with us sometimes. It just bugs me because he can be a little angel one minute, and turn evil at the snap of a finger.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

I hope you all arent thinking "bad parent" because I honestly dont know where it is coming from. He is very smart and learns things on his own sometimes.

The other day he said "I want my own way" and me or my husband have never said anything remotely like that around him.

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Don't beat yourself up. You know the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" well unfortunately, even if you don't have the village helping out, your child will still pick things up from the villagers. Kids are like sponges, they soak everything up, it's not always a reflection on you. Wait until he's older, then you'll see yourself in him, you'll either be shocked or will giggle yourself silly.

My five year old was playing with her dolls in her bedroom last week, I walked by and heard her say, to her dolly "Smarten up right now missy or you are going to your room", it might as well have been me in there. :)

I hope you do not think I am saying that to you? There are so many different influences out there today. You just never know where they are going to pick it up. I remember my uncle was on the phone one time and my baby sister was just a baby. He swore on the phone next thing you know. My sister kept repeating the swear word. They pick up on every little thing and they are a sponge and soak everything in no matter where it is from.

It is amazing in away but a challenge to deal with it afterwards. I hope you understand I am not saying anything bad?

No I know you aren't JH :)

Hopefully he'll get over it soon because I am trying my best not to pull my hair out.

It sounds like you are a great parent, and you've gotten some great advice here. But you all are scaring me into waiting another five years to have a baby :P

And nauticalstar reminded me of a hilarious Youtube video when she said angel one minute and devil the next. Hope you all get a laugh out of this:

YouTube - evil eyes baby

CM, that was hilarious, see what did I tell you, little sponges, where do you think he got that from? ;)

CM, don't be scared about having kids, trust me it will change your life, but for the better. There are days when you want to rip your hair out or sell them to the gypsies, but there are more good days than bad. One day, when you have a child of your own and you've had a terrible day, one of the worst, a little hand will reach up and tug on your shirt, and a face that looks so much like your own will say "Mommy, do you need a hug?" that right there makes up for everything else, trust me. :)

Nautical Star- You sound like a wonderful parent. How do I know, you had a problem and you asked for help, if you weren't a good parent you would have just let it slide and hoped for the best. You have your sons best interest at heart, and that's the sign of a good parent. Chin up, you're doing great! :)

That video is one of my faves, along with the baby that farts a cloud of baby powder, the two babies sitting up and one laughing at the other's hiccups. All so cute.

I was kidding--I look forward to having children. I only want two. I am excited for the day that this can become reality, but the boyfriend and I are going to get married first, and that's also a while off.

And Natuticalstar sounds like a great mommy. As do you.