Ask Me Help Desk - Is this guy really conceited, or what?

So I know this guy, but don't know him /that/ well. In a way he seems really friendly and admiring of others, and always giving compliments to friends (along the lines of "you're smart" "you're beautiful" etc.)

But then, sometimes he makes comments that could be interpreted as conceited. At first I thought he was just joking, because I didn't think anyone would make such ridiculous comments in seriousness... but because he did it so much now I'm wondering if maybe he /does/ think too highly of himself.

First comment was when he told me (musingly) that he wanted to change his profession to a rockstar:
Me: "Oh, do you play an instrument?"
Him: "No"
Me: "Then how would that work?"
Him: "Well I'm good-looking. I like getting people excited..."

Next comment, was when we were discussing sub-cultures and he described for me how he dressed in college:
Me: "Oh, kind of like Grease *giggle*"
Him: "Kind of like Grease, but with more sex appeal. (I just look at him) Because you know, I don't think Grease has all that much..."

Another time, we were out with some other people, and he says to friend who says she's sober:
Him: "See, I am still incredibly handsome. It's not just the beer goggles."

Then, maybe what I consider most conspicuous of all, a friend of his was blogging about her female friends and broken hearts, and he replies in a comment talking about him and his ex-gf and how they're still friends, and he starts talking about how they got together and says:
"So I told her I'd fallen in love with her, and it took her awhile, but eventually she came around to realizing I'm Gods gift to whatever... (he tells story) And now we're back to being best friends."

So thoughts? Is there anyway to interpret all these comments /other than/ this guy is stuck up?

Um, so he sounds mildly in love with himself. Is there something wrong with that you've not described here? Having a healthy self-image is a good thing, and being a little conceited (or perhaps he IS good looking and just knows it) about it is OK, too, as long as it doesn't hurt his other relationships.

I know some people will claim any self-aggrandizement is wrong, but I don't think so. My guess is he IS attractive, knows it, and mentions it occasionally in semi-serious-semi-joking ways.

As long as no one is being harmed and he's an OK guy in other areas, I'd suggest you ignore it.

Well, he doesn't always treat women /that/ great.

And I've been trying to decide whether it's because he's just a bit socially awkward and clueless, or if it's because he really just thinks they should be grateful for his attention...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toluca_86

Well, he doesn't always treat women /that/ great.

And I've been trying to decide whether it's because he's just a bit socially awkward and clueless, or if it's b/c he really just thinks they should be grateful for his attention...

Why are you doing this mental exercise about him? What's the point? He's clearly not your cup of tea, so you wouldn't seriously let someone like this into your inner circle, so what's going on here? Why is it important for you to figure out how egotistical he is or isn't?

And BTW, I've known many egotistical people who were phenomenal people in many other ways, so conceit doesn't mean "not-deserving" of all the relational opportunities that humble people get. We're all the same in that respect.

All that it takes is for two people to find each other more compatible when they're together than the issues they're not.

Sounds like he's joking, but you would know better than I do as you actually sort of know the guy. ;)

Why are you so concerned about this, are you thinking of asking him out? If not, then why worry, it's not your problem but the women he dates.

If he is a bit conceited maybe that's not a bad thing, he obviously has a very good self image, and even though he should keep that to himself, there isn't anything wrong with someone thinking highly of themselves, that takes allot of self confidence, something we could all use more of. If he's not hurting anyone than I don't see a problem.

"Why are you so concerned about this, are you thinking of asking him out? If not, then why worry, it's not your problem but the women he dates."

Well yeah, because I think he might like me, and I might like him -but this one thing kind of worries me...

But I wouldn't really want to be even just friends with someone who honestly believes he's "Gods gift to women".

I mean, he says he finds me attractive. And I know I'm decent looking, but I don't think most people think I'm /that/ attractive, although some certainly do. I'd just hate to develop any more feelings for someone who honestly thinks he's the best thing ever because then I'd always worry that he'd think he was better than me/could do better than me.

Have you tried mentioning this to him. Maybe bring it up the next time he makes a comment that you find conceited. Say "Wow, you sure are full of yourself, or are you joking?" wait and see what he says.

Obviously this is something that bothers you very much, its probably not a good idea to pursue a relationship with someone who you are not completely comfortable with. And if you have thoughts that you can change him, trust me, you can't. There's an old saying, "Women date men thinking they can change them, Men date women hoping they will never change."

Good Luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toluca_86

So I know this guy, but don't know him /that/ well. In a way he seems really friendly and admiring of others, and always giving compliments to friends (along the lines of "you're smart" "you're beautiful" etc.)

But then, sometimes he makes comments that could be interpreted as conceited. At first I thought he was just joking, b/c I didn't think anyone would make such ridiculous comments in seriousness... but b/c he did it so much now I'm wondering if maybe he /does/ think too highly of himself.

First comment was when he told me (musingly) that he wanted to change his profession to a rockstar:
Me: "Oh, do you play an instrument?"
Him: "No"
Me: "Then how would that work?"
Him: "Well I'm good-looking. I like getting people excited..."

Next comment, was when we were discussing sub-cultures and he described for me how he dressed in college:
Me: "Oh, kind of like Grease *giggle*"
Him: "Kind of like Grease, but with more sex appeal. (I just look at him) Because you know, I don't think Grease has all that much..."

Another time, we were out with some other people, and he says to friend who says she's sober:
Him: "See, I am still incredibly handsome. It's not just the beer goggles."

Then, maybe what I consider most conspicuous of all, a friend of his was blogging about her female friends and broken hearts, and he replies in a comment talking about him and his ex-gf and how they're still friends, and he starts out talking about how they got together and says:
"So I told her I'd fallen in love with her, and it took her awhile, but eventually she came around to realizing I'm Gods gift to whatever... (he tells story) And now we're back to being best friends."

So thoughts? Is there anyway to interpret all these comments /other than/ this guy is stuck up?

I wouldn't over think it. It might just be that he is trying to impress others, but I would never get hung up in all of this if I were you. My boyfriend sometimes acts like that just cause he wants to impress me. This guy needs to get over himself and let people get to know who he really is.

Our opinions of the "guy" are pointless. He's not here, we can't check what she you have said against what is true or not, so let me just remind you that all you need to do is gauge YOUR impression of how much his ego gets in the way of other things.

If you like him, great. But your attraction to him is NOT meaningful in determining if he is a good match or not. That is determined by your mind, clearly judging all the things you know about him and how closely ALL THOSE things you know match what you want in a guy.

If you want a good guy, but will ignore your list of "things you want" just because of strong uncontrollable feelings you have for a guy who is bad according to the list, well, the problem isn't this guy's ego. The problem is your inability to keep your good sense involved in the process.

So, short answer, don't ignore what you KNOW about him. Your feelings are sweet, but will betray you on this issue, so use your smarts when deciding whether to let this guy in to your inner circle. You don't have to.