Ask Me Help Desk - To read or not to read?

Hey guys,

Well this goes back a few moths ago. My husband and I got married little over a year ago. And at our 6month mark his mother came down to see us. Well to make a long story short, she is a big christian, and I'm not. Well I guess the way that the house was (it was a little on the messy side) she called me a bad wife and said that in the bible that I am a wife that means that I need to cook, clean and wait on my husband hand and foot.
Well I have no problum cooking and cleaning séance I have no job. But before she came down I did. A fulltime job I workd 35-40 hours a weeek. So it was little hard to do all that. Plus I worked the graveyard shift. My husband is in the navy so he works 40-50 hours a week. But the thing is that he bearly helped out. I thought that being married it's a team thing, I thought that we had to work together to make it work. But from what his mother yelled at me it is MY job to work, keep the house clean, and have dinner ready for my husband when he got home. I'm sorry, but I think that is a little much to ask from one person.

Well last night my husband and I got into a little thing again, and the bable came up again. Well now he wants me to read it... well I have never even opened a bible. To make him happy I opened it and read the 2nd page and it told me that I'm going to hell... lol like I didn't know that one already. But because I'm not a beliver and I have sined (like he hasent) I'm going to be put into the lake of fire.

Anyway, I read like the firist 3 1/2 chapters and now my brain hurts. I don't know where all these other wemen came from. I mean from what I read eve had 3 sons, one died. But the others had wives, and there onw kids... so where did these other wemen come from??

I don't know if I should keep reading or just stop.

See this is my husbands idea. He grow up around the bible. The only time that I have entered a church is to bapties my 2 cusens, and my aunt.

I grew up thinking that we came from munkeys. The whole evaluation thing... I mean I'm 21my whole life that is the only thing that I knew, and he knew this when we got married. So this is not a new thing for him, he said that was OK with him. He didn't mind, but all of a suden he does... what is up with that.

I love him to death, and I guess all I want to know is that should I keep reading or not.
I just don't feel comfrtable reading it. What should I do.
Am I in the worng??

:eek: lol... bless you. My mother in law used to send scriptures(versus) from the bible for me to read. I know your stuned... like who the he11 is she.
Girl get some tough skin because your in for a ride... when or if you have kids she will tell you what kind of a mom to be.
My advice to you is to not get into a debate or try to explain why you are the way you are.
You are you and that is all that matters and it must have been good enough for him because he married you.
You can't change into the person his mother or even he wants. Look at yourself, truly take a look and you decide if a change is needed.

This has little to do with christianity or reading the bible. Your husband seems to be of the belief that he does need to do anything around the house and that's not going to change no matter how much bible you read. If you are comfortable in that subservient role then OK, but if not then I would have a serious talk with him about his views. About the MIL - no one should be yelling at anyone for that. She obviously has issues. Please don't become her.

Well before she came donw it was OK with him, but now it seams like he is not OK with it. He is a big church going. Out of the 2 1/2 years that I have known him he has never went to church.
And now he is trying to force me into reading something that I don't really believe...

Then don't read it and refuse to argue about. It takes 2 people to have an argument.
But the next time mil wants to yell at you in your house very calmly show her the door and tell her to have a nice day.

You're married... he can't just get rid of you to please mommy!! :D

Remember, you sleep with him, make him happy in the bedroom. Just don't get caught up in his or his mother's controlling ways. Just say "Yeah" and change the subject. *Be unconcerned* about the stuff they criticize you over.

If you aren't working, you have to make a nice home. It doesn't take much time at all, and it is worth it.

A pastoral view is that you should continue to read the Bible as you may be surprised to find that your faith will begin to grow. As to all the rest, the same writer (Paul) who told wives to be in submission to their husbands also said that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, and as Christ loved the Church, which He died for. Point out that if hubby loves you as he should, he will be the spiritual leader of the home, (be first in serving God) and will treat you wonderfully. Don't let in-laws spoil your marriage.

Should you read the bible, yes it is a great book, even if not a christian it is one of the most sold books and most of its principal ideas is what the US laws were based on.

It does not say though the new testement that a women is a slave to her husband, it does say a man is a slave to the lord, so I would assume he is also giving 10 percent of his pay to church, he is raising his kids christian holding bible classes for them and so on?

It does say a husband and wife should love each other as they do the Lord, and that we all all equal. So you need to read it, if for no other reason than to find all the places where the mother in law is to butt out and the man is to leave his mother and father and cleave only to his wife.

These bible thumpers are the worst type of christian I hate ( well I guess I am not allowed to hate but get the idea) they pervert the word of God to force someone to do something that they are just to lazy to do, or to make people to give them their way. Doing this is not christian, in fact Christ would take the injustice, he would wash the feet ( job of a slave or servant) of others.

Now if you were not working, OK, it is only fair to do a larger ( but not all) of the household items, But when you both are working, you make a list and divide the chores.

So yes they are lying to you about what the entire bible says, they are taking verses out of context and are hypocrites of the worst kind in my opinion.

I am not working at the moment. I am looking for a job. I do clean. Kind of. I do the deshes everyday and wash the close everyother day. There is just the 2 of us so there is not that much cleaning. I have dinner ready when he gets home, I make his lunch for work, I iron his unaform before he goes to work, when he asks for something I getup and get it for him. I don't know what else to do. He goes to work, comes home and plays his playstation. We have not had sex in a month. He does not even look at me the same way that he did when we got married. Its like he is a different person.
But what is going on between us goes a little deaper then just the bible, but I thought if I could get a little help on this prouble and we could just maybe agree on at least one thing. I talk to him yesturday about what some of you said ( I posted the samething in the marriage part) and he sad that he was still upset that I GAVEUP reading it. And he would like for mw to give it another try. But after reading what you guys said I think that if he wants me to read it, I would want to go to the book stor and get a copy that I pickout, something that I can't read and understand.
Is it me am I just blowing this out of context?? Should I just give in and read it to make him happy?

He doesn't even go to church. Have you seen him read the bible daily?
I repeat that it's not about religion or the bible, something else is going on.

Comments on this post
crazyhousewife agrees: I love it. But knowing her she will not leave, with out a few words to yell first...

You tell her that is her last time yelling at you in your home. Let her know that you have the local police departments number and that they wouuld be willing to remove her. We know she would not want her bible reading self to be toted off in a police car. I bet she will back off if she knows you mean what you say.

NK is right this is not really about religion at all.

I think it is about them controlling you. You are now in their family and they are determined that you will act a certain way. His momma's way. Tell him to cut the apron strings, let go of the tit, act like the man of the house instead of momma's boy. Make damn sure you don't have any kids by this man until this is sorted out.

Yeah we have talked about kids, but with the way things are goig we both decided to wait to see if we can work this out. I love him and I want to have a kid. He says that he loves me with all his hart and that one day he would like to have kids. I mean we are still young. I'm turning 22 and he is 23.
I love him and I would do anything for him. And he knows that.

Interference from in laws. He needs to get a back bone and tell his mother to butt out. You need to work through things with your husband on your own. The two of you together, not the three of you.

Your mother in law has no right to judge you for not being christian. Even if your husband grew up with the bible does not mean that you need to be forced to read it or believe it. Another thing I do not understand is was this even an issue before you got married?

Wow, to say the least. Everybody has the right to believe what they want to believe. You should not feel that it is being forced on you especially by a crazy mother in law. Or her influence over her son.

The most important part of this is that HE LOVES YOU, AND YOU LOVE HIM. That is all that matters at the end. You both need to be strong with each other and unite and become a completely united front. Also I feel that you should be open to the idea of reading the book, but at your own time. Especially when having children. Things like baptism will come up and would you agree to have your children go to church or not. Some of these questions need to be answered.

Also about whether the mother in law will be allowed to rule the roost or not. If so, there will always be trouble.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyhousewife

hey guys,

well this goes back a few moths ago. my husband and i got married little over a year ago. and at our 6month mark his mother came down to see us. well to make a long story short, she is a big christian, and im not. well i guess the way that the house was (it was alittle on the messy side) she called me a bad wife and said that in the bible that i am a wife that means that i need to cook, clean and wait on my husband hand and foot.
well i have no problum cooking and cleaning seance i have no job. but before she came down i did. a fulltime job i workd 35-40 hours a weeek. so it was little hard to do all that. plus i worked the graveyard shift. my husband is in the navy so he works 40-50 hours a week. but the thing is that he bearly helped out. i thought that being married its a team thing, i thought that we had to work together to make it work. but from what his mother yelled at me it is MY job to work, keep the house clean, and have dinner ready for my husband when he got home. im sorry, but i think that is a little much to ask from one person.

well last night my husband and i got into alittle thing again, and the bable came up again. well now he wants me to read it...... well i have never even opened a bible. to make him happy i opened it and read the 2nd page and it told me that im going to hell.... lol like i didnt know that one already. but because im not a beliver and i have sined (like he hasent) im going to be put into the lake of fire.

anyways, i read like the firist 3 1/2 chapters and now my brain hurts. i dont know where all these other wemen came from. i mean from what i read eve had 3 sons, one died. but the others had wives, and there onw kids..... so where did these other wemen come from??????

i dont know if i should keep reading or just stop.

see this is my husbands idea. he grow up around the bible. the only time that i have entered a church is to bapties my 2 cusens, and my aunt.

i grew up thinking that we came from munkeys. the whole evaluation thing.... i mean im 21my whole life that is the only thing that i knew, and he knew this when we got married. so this is not a new thing for him, he said that was ok with him. he didnt mind, but all of a suden he does...... what is up with that.

i love him to death, and i guess all i want to know is that should i keep reading or not.
i just dont feel comfrtable reading it. what should i do.
am i in the worng????

God calls us in many different ways. It is possible that God is asking you if you love your husband enough to convert for him?

If you decide that you will read the Bible as a sacrifice for your husband and your family, you might want to buy a book or a tape which explains the Bible. It is a truism that you only get as much out of an exercise as you put into it. If you go into reading the Bible without wanting to caring what it means, you won't get anything from it.

There are many Bible Studies available. I'm a Catholic, so I recommend Catholic Bible studies. My favorite is free on the Internet:

St. Paul Center for Biblical Theology
Welcome to the St. Paul Center for Biblical Theology

However, there are many Bible studies on the Internet and most of them are free of charge.

Sincerely,

De Maria

Thank you for your advice.
He has not gone to church in years he told me. And I asked him about a few different parts in the bible when I got stuck and he said that he didn't know, and went back to his game. See that is all he does, goes to work, comes home plays his playstation for 8-10 hours, asks for a back rubb and goes to bed. I bealy get to talk to him. I really just don't know what o do anymore. I'm hurtting deeo inside and I don't know how to fix it. I talked to him last night and he told me that his mother is telling him to devorce me because I have not read the bible and I'm not a good house wife or what ever the she said. We have not had sex for a month, I have been so depressed that I have not done the deshs in 2 days, I just don't want to do anything. I love this man but if his mother just does not bud out I just think we might really get a devorce.
He told me this morning that she might be coming to viset around the 14th of this month. I mean damn, we need to get our strate before we bring anyone over. But I have no say in anything that goes on in this house, I just cook clean get yelled at and just I guess sit there and look purtty.
Like I said I don't know what to do anymore. 40% of me just wants all the pain to end, 55% loves him and I'm trying to talk to him but he will not lisen. And the 5% is that I want to go find a nice warm spot and cry for hours.

So how was he while you were dating? Attentive and caring? Or the same way?

Tell him to go live with his mother and make a life for yourself.

Crazy, I'm not saying your home is dirty. But when you let it get messy it is depressing. Get up put on some music, maybe a good smelling candle, use a nice smelling cleanser, open the curtains and get busy... even if it is just a small corner at a time or just the dishes.

Get out and start living your life, if he chooses to sit there for hours on end so be it. Do things that you enjoy. You only live once and its not like you have kids to worry about being at home for. Maybe if you get busy he will get up and join you.

If you don't want her to visit tell her now isn't a good time. Let him go visit her.

Here's a compromise to bring up to your husband, if he wants you to read the Bible so badly:

1. Instead of playing his Playstation, he reads it with you

OR

2. He shuts the hell up about pushing his religion on you.

As far as your mother in law goes--let your husband know that until he is on YOUR side to her, you won't be home when she visits.

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyhousewife

thank you for your advice.

I'm not certain whether you are responding to me. If you are, "You're welcome."

Quote:

he has not gone to church in years he told me. And I asked him about a few different parts in the bible when I got stuck and he said that he didn't know, and went back to his game. See that is all he does, goes to work, comes home plays his playstation for 8-10 hours, asks for a back rubb and goes to bed. I bealy get to talk to him.

I know this sounds weak, but I would say that you can be thankful to God that your husband is coming back to you. He is being faithful to you.

Quote:

I really just don't know what o do anymore.

As I said before, God may be calling you. I know you don't believe in God, but you might want to begin praying to Him.

You see, marriage is not just about you and your husband, as you have begun to find out. It is also about family and mostly about God.

Marriage in fact, is an image of your relationship with God. Your husband is doing the little things that prove he is being faithful to you. He goes to work, provides for your welfare and comes back to you at night.

You are taking care of your husband in your own way. Sure, perhaps you need to learn how to keep a cleaner house, but that doesn't seem to bother your husband.

Quote:

Iim hurtting deeo inside and I don't know how to fix it.

Please accept that marriage, as life, is a series of struggles and suffering. Unite your suffering and your prayers to God and continue to be faithful to your husband. Your relationship will take care of itself.

2 Timothy 2 12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him. If we deny him, he will also deny us.

Quote:

I talked to him last night and he told me that his mother is telling him to devorce me because I have not read the bible and I'm not a good house wife or what ever the she said.

First Bible lesson. What does the Bible say about the husband:

Matthew 19 5 For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh.

In other words, through the grace of God your husband is one with you. That means that he must protect and defend you.

Ephesians 5 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church:

Even from his own mother.

Although the Bible says that we must "honor" our father and mother, it also says that parents can vex their children.

Col 3 21 Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged.

Quote:

we have not had sex for a month,

That's not really a problem. Marriage does not mean sex on demand.

But, definitely, if you can have mutually satisfying sex, that can only enhance your relationship. So, do your best to encourage him and to be available when he is ready. And men often need to be taught how to satisfy their wife. We frequently focus only on our own satisfaction, which is generally bad for the relationship.

Quote:

I have been so depressed that I have not done the deshs in 2 days, I just don't want to do anything.

Next time you think about doing the dishes, put yourself in the presence of God, I mean, just behave as though God is in front of you or beside you and start talking to him, either out loud or to yourself and while you do the dishes, tell Him your trouble and ask for His help.

Quote:

I love this man but if his mother just does not bud out I just think we might really get a devorce.

You are undergoing a trial. Keep the faith. Be faithful to your husband and remind him of his vow to be faithful to you, "til death do you part."

Quote:

he told me this morning that she might be coming to viset around the 14th of this month. I mean damn, we need to get our strate before we bring anyone over. But I have no say in anything that goes on in this house, I just cook clean get yelled at and just I guess sit there and look purtty.

Be patient, be strong, be nice. She's not coming to stay. Put yourself in God's hands and He will solve your problem.

And remember, suffering is a part of life. It is by suffering that our faith and love are proved.

Job 23 10 But he knoweth my way, and has tried me as gold that passeth through the fire:

Quote:

like I said I don't know what to do anymore. 40% of me just wants all the pain to end, 55% loves him and I'm trying to talk to him but he will not lisen. And the 5% is that I want to go find a nice warm spot and cry for hours.

Find a nice warm spot and cry for hours before God. He will listen to a woman's tears:

1 Kings 1 7 And thus she did every year, when the time returned that they went up to the temple of the Lord: and thus she provoked her: but Anna wept, and did not eat. 8 Then Elcana her husband said to her: Anna, why weepest thou? and why dost thou not eat? And why dost thou afflict thy heart? Am not I better to thee than ten children? 9 So Anna arose after she had eaten and drunk in Silo: And Heli the priest sitting upon a stool, before the door of the temple of the Lord: 10 As Anna had her heart full of grief, she prayed to the Lord, shedding many tears,

11 And she made a vow, saying: O Lord, of hosts, if thou wilt look down on the affliction of thy servant, and wilt be mindful of me, and not forget thy handmaid, and wilt give to thy servant a man child: I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head. 12 And it came to pass, as she multiplied prayers before the Lord, that Heli observed her mouth. 13 Now Anna spoke in her heart, and only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard at all. Heli therefore thought her to be drunk, 14 And said to her: How long wilt thou, be drunk? digest a little the wine, of which thou hast taken too much. 15 Anna answering, said: Not so, my lord: for I am an exceeding unhappy woman, and have drunk neither wine nor any strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the Lord.

16 Count not thy handmaid for one of the daughters of Belial: for out of the abundance of my sorrow and grief have I spoken till now. 17 Then Heli said to her: Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition, which thou hast asked of him. 18 And she said: Would to God thy handmaid may find grace in thy eyes. So the woman went on her way, and ate, and her countenance was no more changed. 19 And they rose in the morning, and worshipped before the Lord: and they returned, and came into their house at Ramatha. And Elcana knew Anna his wife: and the Lord remembered her. 20 And it came to pass when the time was come about, Anna conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel: because she had asked him of the Lord.

Sincerely,

De Maria

Quote:

Originally Posted by bushg

crazy, I'm not saying your home is dirty. But when you let it get messy it is depressing. Get up put on some music, maybe a good smelling candle, use a nice smelling cleanser, open the curtains and get busy...even if it is just a small corner at a time or just the dishes.

Get out and start living your life, if he chooses to sit there for hours on end so be it. Do things that you enjoy. You only live once and its not like you have kids to worry about being at home for. Maybe if you get busy he will get up and join you.

If you don't want her to visit tell her now isn't a good time. Let him go visit her.

That is not what I meant to say... lol here let me try again.

I talked to my husband lastnite about her coming down and that it would be a bad time. We need to get our sh-it strate before we bring the monster-in-law back into my house. Yes I know I siad monster. He said that its is fine with him and he agress that we need to sit down and talk. He said that he would call his mother and tell her to wait a little longer before coming down.
My family agress with me. I have a mix of religen on my side. I have my mom and dad that are not religes at all. My aunt (moms sis) and there father that a cristens and they still agree with me. That she should not be forcing the bible on me.

And just to let you all now I'm still reading it. Or at least trying. It's a little diffacolt sometimes. I'm doing it for me and him. More for him, I'm also reading it to find virces to where his monster is worng and have her shut her yapper..