My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and I love him dearly. I feel like we are compatible in many ways and I have a lot of fun with him. He’s my first love.

But he has a bad past that is really taking a toll on our relationship. He’s currently on probation and will be for another 1½ years which seems like forever!! Probation makes it sooo impossible. He’s violated his probation twice already and is paying the price for it.. the second probation violation hearing isn’t until June. It’s put a major stresser on me because Im worried that he’s going to forget something (which is why he got his first violation) and screw up and end up in jail.. He also lost his job several months ago and it was VERY hard for him to find another job because of his felony and that again was another huge stresser on our relationship, the constant worry was horrible. Thankfully he got a job recently and he’s going to school to be a mechanic so things are looking up.

It’s just that I feel like I’m his mother sometimes, I have to remind him all the time about things that he forgets and he just has to be prodded and nagged before he does it.. for example he was supposed to get his papers signed for finishing community service and it’s due tomorrow (this was from his first probation violation) and he left it until the VERY last minute and had to have me come all the way to his house and drive him there to get it signed because he was too sick to drive. I had to miss three hours of work.. and then after work I have to go to his house and drive him to the hospital to get him a tetanus shot because he hurt his hand at work yesterday, and he thinks he might have pneumonia (hence the reason he couldn’t drive his butt to the community service place today)

So I’m just really confused, he without a doubt wants to marry me and he was thinking about proposing to me this weekend (we talked about it and he is not going to now). But I just love him to death and a big part of me wants to marry him too, but I'm just worried that all this drama isn’t going to go away and I hate having to be his mother..

What are your opinions on this? What would you guys do in my situation?

This is a guy giving you this information and I have personally been through somewhat the same ordeal. Me and my girlfriend would always be getting upset and I had a really bad habit and I gave that up for her but with your problem just give it time and everything will be ight.

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Originally Posted by plonak

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and I love him dearly. I feel like we are compatible in many ways and I have a lot of fun with him. He’s my first love.

But he has a bad past that is really taking a toll on our relationship. He’s currently on probation and will be for another 1½ years which seems like forever!!!! Probation makes it sooo impossible. He’s violated his probation twice already and is paying the price for it.. the second probation violation hearing isn’t until June. It’s put a major stresser on me because Im worried that he’s going to forget something (which is why he got his first violation) and screw up and end up in jail.. He also lost his job several months ago and it was VERY hard for him to find another job because of his felony and that again was another huge stresser on our relationship, the constant worry was horrible. Thankfully he got a job recently and he’s going to school to be a mechanic so things are looking up.

It’s just that I feel like I’m his mother sometimes, I have to remind him all the time about things that he forgets and he just has to be prodded and nagged before he does it.. for example he was supposed to get his papers signed for finishing community service and it’s due tomorrow (this was from his first probation violation) and he left it until the VERY last minute and had to have me come all the way to his house and drive him there to get it signed because he was too sick to drive. I had to miss three hours of work.. and then after work I have to go to his house and drive him to the hospital to get him a tetanus shot because he hurt his hand at work yesterday, and he thinks he might have pneumonia (hence the reason he couldn’t drive his butt to the community service place today)

So I’m just really confused, he without a doubt wants to marry me and he was thinking about proposing to me this weekend (we talked about it and he is not going to now). But I just love him to death and a big part of me wants to marry him too, but im just worried that all this drama isn’t going to go away and I hate having to be his mother..

What are your opinions on this? What would you guys do in my situation?

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I have been w/ my man for nearly a year & it has been very tough because this is almost the same situation. I had to move back in with my parents to live rent free & pay off the debt. I told him that if he loved me as much as he made me believe, he would get his act TOGETHER! Take care of his warrants, child support & most importantly GET A JOB. He now has a full-time job @ burger king & has set up payment plans, got a car & already has $400 saved up & starts a 2nd job on Monday. All this in 2 weeks. My point is give that man an ultimatum!! it WILL hurt, but its what's best for YOUR well-being, & if his words to you are true, he'll do what he needs to do

Girls, Guys do Change but some of the things you describe about the forgetfulness could be symptoms of true ailments that could be addressed by a Dr. ADHD presents itself in adult males in this manner. Inability to stay focused, forgetfulness especially of things that are so important. Making him a daily list to check HIMSELF will get him in the habit of taking responsibility for his issues. You are not his mother, baby sitter or care taker, you are his mate and it sounds like a one way street. What happens when you get sick , can't work , or care for him. Then you are both in the crapper. Sit down talk to him, tell him you are worried that you may not always be there to pick up his pieces so you have a plan to help him , to help both of you. If he loves you and you do it right he will not have a issue with this. Remind him if you ever have a child he will have to be ready to be a daddy and right now he is not.

Please don't get married until he has straightened his act up, and is ready for a commitment of that magnitude. Right now he ain't there yet, or even close. You might be getting a glimpse of what your future will be like with him.

Yeah that's why I told him to hold off the engagement. I need to see him mature and take charge of his life.. I kind of broke it off a couple months ago for this reason, and told him he needs to get his act together and he has to some degree, he has gotten better.. but he still has his problems.. and I'm sure as hell not going to marry this guy if these things don't calm down.. I don't want to be miserable!!

Why would you even want to marry him? Because of your feelings?

Why don't you think logically, find someone who has a good career, treats you right, will be a good father to any potential children.

BTW - what did he go to jail for? Drugs.

He does treat me very very good, and no he didn't go to jail for drugs, he didn't deserve what he got, you wouldn't believe how unfair this justice system is..

What's wrong with being a mechanic? They make really good money.

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Originally Posted by plonak

He does treat me very very good, and no he didn't go to jail for drugs, he didn't deserve what he got, you wouldn't believe how unfair this justice system is..

What's wrong with being a mechanic? They make really good money.

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What did he get arrested for?

So I talked to him yesterday and told him that I don't think he's ready to be getting married, and that he needs to get his act together before we can get engaged... I talked to him straight up and said I don't deserve to have to deal with all his drama because he's so forgetfull.. He said it hurt but he's going to get it done, he's going to work on everything because he wants to be with me.. He told me he's already bought me a ring and everything and just told me to tell him when it's time and he will wait.. he took it really well..

Living: I don't really feel comfortable telling you what he did, it's kind of personal, sorry, he's a good man though

I think that's great that your not giving up on him, or judging him by his past. It seems like you have helped him out a TON! And that's great. If I were you, I would sit him done and just tell him "I want things to work, and i am helping you, but you also need to help yourlself put your life back in order." Remind him that your proud of his progress, but it would help if he put some more effort into changing his life for the best.

My man has a felony on his record as well as 2 warrants & a suspended driver's license. Life has just sh*t on this man (im not saying he hasn't contributed to any of it, but still) he has many issues he needs worked out.
Hope is not lost, I PROMISE. This is just one of those obstacles life throws at you but if you look at it as a test of your bond/love it does make things a bit more optomistic.
It really seems like your man loves you & I'm very happy to hear that. It's fantastic that he's working AND going to school, a majority of people won't even do that.
It will be hard, but try not to overwhelm yourself by attempting to fix everything at once. You 2 have the REST of your lives to be together & unfortunately there are no quick fixes for these things, they just take time.
Have you considered talking to a professional? I understand if that might not be an option for any reason, but sometimes they can do a lot of good. Many churches offer free counseling but that is only an option if you don't mind being counseled religiously.

If you just give in now and marry him, he'll think that he doesn't need to change at all since he already got everything he wanted. You need to see some real results and not just promises that he'll straighten his life out, otherwise nothing will ever change.

However, drama is part of life and every relationship has some. You can't get away from it, just don't turn into his mom.
I have plenty of drama in my life as well, but at least I try to enjoy it as much as possible. My biggest problem right now is the confusion with the communication between guys and girls. If you want to see what I'm talking about check this out http://www.practicingdrama.com/the-drama/wheres-the-dictionary-for-that-merriam/

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