My husband Ii have been togetheer for 11 yrs. Married for 6 . He started having an affair with a woman he works with when I was pregnant with our 3rd child. He told me it was over only to find out it had never stopped after I confronted both of them. We are now separated and headed for a divorce. I know he is to blame but I am suing him for alimony... how can I get back at her for purposely pursuing my husband leaving me with a 3 yrold, 2 yr. old and 5 month old baby.. and I am a stay at home mom.:mad:

I know you don't want to hear this, but, revenge is hardly ever worth it.

The best revenge you could have will be to do your best to live a happy life, raise your children to be honest, upstanding citizens, and be thankful that she is the one now stuck with this inconsiderate man.

Given your explanation, I would venture to guess that he has not provided you with a happy and fulfilling life, so I would guess that she will end up in the exact position that you are eventually anyway.

He needs to pay for his misdeeds, get all you can, and then forget the chump and his chimp, and do your best to be happy. That will be your best revenge.

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Originally Posted by angrywife

My husband Ii have been togetheer for 11 yrs. married for 6 . He started having an affair with a woman he works with when I was pregnant with our 3rd child. He told me it was over only to find out it had never stopped after I confronted both of them. We are now seperated and headed for a divorce. I know he is to blame but I am suing him for alimony...how can I get back at her for purposely persuing my husband leaving me with a 3 yrold, 2 yr. old and 5 month old baby..and I am a stay at home mom.:mad:

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Depending on where you're from, you could always check to see if you can file an Alienation of Affection suit against her... but it does take 2 to "tangle" and letting her worry about a revenge that never comes would be just as sweet for you. She can't possibly be worth it. Just knowing what goes around comes around, will find her one day anyway.

Some states let you sue for alienation of affection. She knew he was married, she broke up a family with children. Some courts and judges view this very dimly. Check legal aid for your best advice if you can't afford an attorney.

The best revenge would be to collect alimony and child support and stick it to him with as high a monthly payment as possible. Other than that and a few nails in tires or a bad case of brake fluid on a paint job but that stuff is pure childish and can backfire on you. As my mother would say "the wheels of justice grind exceedingly fine". Just wait, you'll get yours in court and he'll get his.

I know you're angry, but remember.. what goes around, comes around.. she will pay for this sin in one way or another.

What you should do now, is get the best divorce attorney. Even in the no-fault states, most of the judges always favor women in your situation.. then child support and alimony awarded will wipe him clean.

People do stupid things when they're overwhelmed with greed, lust, and anger. Don't let anger control you, think of your children first before you make any decision. It's bad enough to have inconsiderate dad.. so make sure they have a mom.. a good one.

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Originally Posted by angrywife

My husband Ii have been togetheer for 11 yrs. married for 6 . He started having an affair with a woman he works with when I was pregnant with our 3rd child. He told me it was over only to find out it had never stopped after I confronted both of them. We are now seperated and headed for a divorce. I know he is to blame but I am suing him for alimony...how can I get back at her for purposely persuing my husband leaving me with a 3 yrold, 2 yr. old and 5 month old baby..and I am a stay at home mom.:mad:

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Alienation of affection lawsuits are allowed in: Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Utah. Other States no longer allow them to be filed. They are also very difficult to prove.

You should not have to sue your husband for child support and alimony - they should be awarded as part of the divorce.

Congratulations on realizing he was a big part of this betrayal - many, many women who post find fault only with the girlfriend, hate her, find no problem on the part of the husband, sort of like she seduced him and he was powerless.

I know it hurts like crazy and you have to be reeling with shock and betrayal but I don't think taking legal action against her is going to make anything better. Eventually you may come to see that one way or the other he had one foot out the door and then he ran into her.

I've posted before - sometimes you have to believe in fate or karma or whatever to take care of things.

Everything will take care of itself. Keep God first, your kids second... then all will be OK. Give it a few months after the divorce, and you will see that he and she will both get what they deserve, and you will have already moved on with your life. Goo luck

It was not the girlfriend that did it to you. It was your husband. Your husband choices to go after this girl. He could have said no. He could have stayed true. Do not blame anybody else except for your husband or soon to be husband.

Are you mad at the right person? Many people get mad at their spouse's girlfriend / boyfriend... Wondering how could they do this to you? Maybe they should be mad at their spouse instead for straying... Is his girlfriend so incredibly hot and irresitable no normal man could say no when she threw herself at him? If not maybe he might be the one at fault... As for revenge... Divorce usually favors the woman and tries to keep her living at a level she is accustomed to. The man is usually wiped out for quite a while.. This should be revenge enough

Being irresistibly hot should have no affect on being unfaithful to your husband/wife.

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Originally Posted by Moose1123

Are you mad at the right person? Many people get mad at their spouse's girlfriend / boyfriend... Wondering how could they do this to you? Maybe they should be mad at their spouse instead for straying.... Is his girlfriend so incredibly hot and irresitable no normal man could say no when she threw herself at him? If not maybe he might be the one at fault.... As for revenge.... Divorce usually favors the woman and tries to keep her living at a level she is accustomed to. The man is usually wiped out for quite a while.. This should be revenge enough

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In my opinion meeting someone who is so "irresistibly hot" no "normal" man could say "no" is NOT a reason for an affair. "If not maybe he might be the one at fault" implies that if the other woman IS irresistibly hot he is NOT at fault - that's one big excuse for an affair. You are either faithful or you are not - I don't care how hot the third party is.

I'd like to know just what you consider "normal" and "irresistibly hot" to be.

I'm in the same boat, but keep your head together, I know it's hard. I too do not work, my husband supported me and the children, now he left for some broad in another state he met on the internet leaving me with the kids and no money to put food on the table. But I kept it together, God provided everything we needed at just the right moment, I now get child support, spousal support and I have sole custody which means he can't take our son out of state to meet the new girlfriend which is where he is moving to next month. Believe me I too wanted to slash the tires of the truck we bought during my pregnancy but I would rather be awarded the truck throu the divorce with it in a drive able condition. He knew before the wedding day that I felt divorce was not an option and he now knows I'm not signing the divorce unless I get every little thing I want for the pain, suffering and aggrivation he has caused.

This thread is from 2008 and long dead. You appear to have something to contribute to AMHD. Why not find a current thread and join in?

Can an ex wife sue her ex husband for abandonment if she finds out after the divorce that he had an 18 year affair and is still seeing her

Can an exwife sue her exhusband for abandonment if she finds out after the divorce that he had an 18 year affair and is still seeing the woman

No. Abandonment has nothing to do with having an affair. Some States do allow alienation of affection lawsuits. Where are you?

Florida