I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 months and we have only had sex 4 times. The last 3 times however he has pre ejaculated which has left him very embarresed and apologetic. I reassured him that its OK and I don't mind, I'm here for him no matter what however he is still embarresed. Since the last time this happened which was 4 weeks ago, he has not tried to have sex with me or touch me and last night when I was kissing him he just said he was tired. I know from what I've heard that he has slept with a number of people and I am the first person he has had the pre ejaculation problem with. I understand that this maybe the reason he is advoiding sleeping me with but its beginning to get me down and its making me doubt myself and feeling like he isn't sexually attracted to me after all. In past relationships I've had I've had a very healthy sex life and although I want to be therefore him completely its really beginning to get me down and I really don't know what to do or how to bring up the subject with me without putting even more pressure on him to perform. Please help

Is he using a condom?

First, its obviously good to use birth contol, though you still can get pregnant with it, and second, it can decrease sensitivity some. Also, there are positions that you might favor, such as girl on top, that can change how it feels for him, giving you more control and pleasure and perhaps delaying his orgasm.

By the way, how old are you two?

Yeah we are using condoms and I'm on the pill, I'm 20 and he's 21 x

Well... some may not want to talk about this, but does he say you feel "tighter" than others he's been with? Not that talking about past lovers is always a good idea... I only bring this up because I dated one girl who seemed to be, well, simply tighter and more lush than others id been with, and it took work to hold back for her. Doesn't mean other lovers didn't feel good, it just means I noticed a difference. A woman could say the same about men of different proportions.

How does he respond to you on top, instead of him driving it?

Uhm... there are some things you can do to try to desensitize him... or he can do... if he self stims or you use your hands to stim him... get him to the place where he's getting close, and then deliberately make him hold back and stop the action. And repeat. Practice holding back, and he might find he can sustain a longer erection without getting so lost in the moment.

Also, its no substitute for the connection you get with intercourse, but is he willing to get you off orally first? In a case like this, until he can build stamina up, it only seems fair. Not to mention getting you close to orgasm or over the top is what I usually do with my partner. It helps her body have the time to respond to sensual touch and she's more responsive to intercourse. Just a thought.

Big red flag, Cherrie... this is probably a problem that you are not equipped to deal with; it sounds very serious for this young man. He sounds totally defeated about any matters of sex, but also, just being close and loving.

I would guess some negative past experiences have brought him down, and he needs a professional to help him search out those experiences and thoughts that have done this to him at such a young age. Has he been involved in viewing porn excessively?

Do you feel that he would be receptive to going to a good therapist? Could you support him in this endeavor?

Best wishes to the young man.

He may just be embarrassed by his premature ejaculation. Things like that do bother men. It cuts into ego and self worth. I would allow things to just float along for now and see if he becomes more comfortable. There are a lot of techiques to prevent this from happening. If you are understanding , he will eventually see that and then the two of you can work on the problem together. Good Luck.

PS: It is not uncommon for younger men to suffer from this. Inexperience, lack of technique, over stimulation can all be causes.