I thought I would try to get some help from people outside of my situation so I thank everyone in advance for any responses.

I happen to fall in love with my best friend and we were together for about 8 months. Our relationship was up and down because she would go into these distant/quiet cycles where she would just need time to herself and 'process stuff'.. which I always supported because I knew her and supported that. Just prior to her breaking if off with me, she was quiet and distant but I thought nothing of it. Things seemed normal to me. She would talk about how she could see a future with me and I trusted her with my heart and friendship.

She then broke up with me suddenly and here's the kicker:

we have a mutual friend (my closest buddy) who I introduced her to about a year ago. We all hung out all the time and they got along really well. I trusted him with everything, even shared intimate talks about my girlfriend.

After she broke up with me, I thought it was bit weird that she just kind of disappeared and didn't want to see me.

I finally convinced her to see me and she ended up admitting to me that my buddy confessed to having feelings for her before we broke up. She said she had feelings for him too. She also admitted to making out with him a mere few days after she broke up with me (I'm assuming it was a mere few days after). I freaked out and never saw either of them since. It's like she lead me to believe one thing in our relationship together but actually being dishonest about it.

I contacted her recently because I still value our friendship and wanted to work things out. She was more concerned with defending him than deeming our friendship or what we had for that matter important at all.

Why do I feel crazy like "I'VE" done something wrong? Are they in denial about the damage they've caused? Do they just not care? This is all a new experience for me so any insight would be appreciated.

~ sosoconfused.

I understand your feelings of being blindsided, and you were, but having said that leave them both alone, and work on putting things in perspective. You found out something you needed to know, and its time to move ahead, and not worry about them.

With friends like that you don't need enemies. Move on and leave them behind, they don't deserve your friendship. If you did actually regain their friendship would you ever be able to let down your guard?

Good Luck.

You are a sissy emo. Where are your nuts? She dumps you and the first thing you can think of is friendship? After she made out with that guy? How about leaving her in the dust? You want to be her friends so you can what, listen to her complain about the new guy wanting sex all the time?

I know what you are going through. I know if other readers know that I am writing to you they will know what I am talking about. I was like your ex girlfriend. About a month ago me and my bestfriends boyfriend now husband started getting a little to friendly with each other. At first sure we thought we were doing nothing bad or anything but then you realize that you are hurting the ones you love. I hurt my friends that trusted me. My boyfriend that loved me. Right now his girlfriend and my boyfriend don't know anything ever went on between us but I have the guilt now of what I did. My advice to you is to move on. Please... get over her.. I know for a fact that you wouldn't want to have a friend like him and her. I wouldn't even want to be friends with myself. You can find someone better that will love you and not hurt you or leave you for your best friend. There is a future and there are very many great people out there. And you deserve a good one.

Thanks for the responses... a little bit of time has passed now but I still feel crazy and its on my mind constantly... I think now I'm in the denial phase where I just can't believe that people actually do this crap. I certainly can't believe that my girlfriend and best friend actually thought that the way they handled it was the best way to go about it. I'm having a hard time letting go because it's so confusing having all this happen so fast and now everything is suddenly changed. Time heals I guess...

Time heals, life teaches. If you didn't learn the first time, it will teach you again. Please take care in the friends you keep.

I take into consideration these great responses and they are so much appreciated. It's really helped me in my process so very much. Thanks everybody.

I've been torn between just focusing on myself/getting back myself and actually writing a response to both of them to remind them of the damage their decisions and actions has caused. I guess in some way, I want to make them uncomfortable in this and have me be a reminder that what they have done is so fundamentally/morally wrong. Am I just obsessing? What should I do?

Let it go, move on, be happy, that's the best revenge. Any words you say to them will likely fall on deaf ears, don't waste your time, concentrate on yourself.

Good luck.

They have done nothing wrong, but be selfish, and not at all what a friend should be. They have taught you a valuable life lesson though, and for that be grateful, as that wakeup call will keep you alert to the games people play. Walk away, and focus on regrouping your life, so that you can enjoy it. New friends, new people, new activities..............new attitude. You never needed them to be happy anyway.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

They have done nothing wrong, but be selfish, and not at all what a friend should be. They have taught you a valuable life lesson though, and for that be grateful, as that wakeup call will keep you alert to the games people play. Walk away, and focus on regrouping your life, so that you can enjoy it. New friends, new people, new activities..............new attitude. You never needed them to be happy anyway.

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In the first sentence of this response, I'm having a hard time relating because Im feeling like what he did behind my back (which was tell her he had feelings for her BEFORE we were even broken up) was in fact doing something wrong. It all still feels fresh in my world and I'm struggling through it. What he did was wrong... right? I feel like I'm going crazy. Thanks in advance for any responses...

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They have done nothing wrong, but be selfish, and not at all what a friend should be.

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I should have been a lot more specific, as THEY don't think they did wrong, but clearly it was a selfish, self -serving, non caring act. To a good human being with morals, the way they did it was wrong.

My question to you, if he had spoken to you first and then proceeded, would you have felt as bad? I think you would. For a fact he is no friend, but SHE is no prize either.

They did nothing wrong. Feelings and attraction can't be controlled. The same way most people hit it off with their exes, the same way the exes hit if off with someone else... friend or not, it just happens.

I like to use the romantic movie analogy:

1. cute couple, lead man, lead woman, fall in love
2. they have a great relationship... the people watching the movie loves them
3. something happens, they break things off... the audience is sad for them
4. the movie flash forwards to a couple of years later
5. we see the woman with a new fiancée, a clean cut guy, real nice to everybody, an overall great guy.
6. the lead actor chases her to her wedding and tells her how much he missed her
7. the woman dumps the new fiancée and runs away with the old boyfriend... everybody in the audience claps and declares it a happy ending.

Well, what I've learned is that we always think that we are the lead actors, when in reality we're sometimes that other guy (in No. 5), that gets dumped and everybody forgets about. What I'm trying to say with this is: forget about what they had to do, how they disrespected you, how you felt betrayed... this stuff happens, sometimes you get dealt the wrong hand.

Move on with your life, she clearly has... no need to let them know how much they hurt you, they're not going to feel bad about being together, you're just an extra in their story. Create your own story. When you stop waiting for them to admit that they hurt you, that's the day when you'll be ready to have a friendship with both of them (if that's what you want).

SoSo,

I think that you need to learn a very important lesson from all of this. It really is how much you tell your best friend about a new girl. I don't think that it would be appropriate to discuss intimate details about your girlfriend with any other person. The reason these things are intimate, is because they are supposed to be between the two of you. All you did was fuel the fire for this guy by letting him know the same details that he shouldn't.

I am not trying to put blame on you but have your realize the importance and difference between friendship and intimacy.

I feel for you as I have been through a similar situation a long time ago, but the best thing that you can do is leave them both behind. There are other people that you can make friends with and there are other girls that you can go out with.

Take the time, reflect, learn from the mistakes that you have made and then move ahead with your life.

Thank you everyone for the responses.. my journey has come to a much better enlightened place.. all the best to everyone in hurtful places and those that are experiencing heart ache... may strength and truth prevail for you. Take care.

Hi again... I have a question relating to all of this...

I recently talked to a mutual friend of ours and she had been on the betraying end of things herself.. we got talking and she was saying how "when you're in love with someone, sometimes you don't have a choice ... you will just go to any lengths to be with that person and its so uncontrollable..you have to do what you have to do even though it hurts other people"..

I stand true to what I believe and I suppose it really all depends on the kind of person you are and what morale you have.. right? Can I safely assume that everyone always has a choice in which to handle a situation with some integrity - and no matter how compelling it feels to get the person you are in love with, at the cost of anyone or anything is selfish and not very compassionate? Or am I unrealstic..

Also - if the people can't clue in that the way they handled it was perhaps not the best way for everyone invovled... then that's too bad for them... they both still have missed this point and it makes me furious... they've lost a great person in the process then (me) and they have to live with that... right?