So iwas with her for almost a year everything was fine until this month then I noticed she didn't wany make time or lie to her parents to see me saying her phone is broke can't answer texts or call me back until she's going to bed

She's 17 I'm 21 she's in high school which is like in eye view of my house but she's one of those doing everything in school for college has classes and stuff her families really strict with her but she recently lied and went to prom with friends I had to find out the hard way she didn't do anything or like the guy she went with but she told me she wants to be single and live life that she can't guarantee that we can get back 2gher or that someone's not gonia come along but still says she loves me when I say don't say it unless you mean it in that way she breaks down and says I do love you like that but I can't be with you right now I need to be single and be me figure out who I am is this just an excuse to meet other guys and pretty much just bang them with out meaning she says she don't wany date or be with anyone for a long long time not even when she starts senior year but said she wouldn't mind having a casual boy friend get buttery flys and such in her stomach but take nothing serious or long term what does that mean why can't I be that casual that dude I have no idea what to do everyone's telling me to move on but how can I find out what the real meaning is behind this and what are the chances I was her first everything is it true these never last? Our is our age the thing I was with a girl for 3 half years and she always said you got someone to compare me to yadada this is scrambled I'm sorry thanks for any advice

No one?

Hey Blackmage,

A 17 year old and 21 year old both have very different views and expierences in life. Though four years doesn't seem like a lot, it is because she is 17. And because she is 17, yes, she wants to live life and there is nothing wrong with that.

I suggest you find someone a little more your age and more mature. It'll surpirise you how much in common you have with someone your age versus a 17 year old.

I have dated older and I don't like it I really don't I just hope this is a phase and after a dude treats her like she realize that I never did that

It sucks I'm starting to see light but it sucks because I have to walk past the school she goes to and if I see something I don't like I might react bad and someone or many people will get hurt I shouldn't of became a martial artist haha

There's nothing wrong with it you but what can she really do with out being with me then date other people is that what she's doing is testing to see if how she feels / felt for me was true of it was just because it was her first time for everything sex long term relationship always forever kind of talk

I didn't say date older but that isn't a bad idea either.

I said date someone your own age or at least around. Maybe 19, 20? I know that a 19 and 20 year old is out of high school. This girl isn't.

I don't blame her for wanting to go out and have fun. Live her life. I honestly think you should too.

Lol I just got a text saying what do you mean what did you do did you still want to work for me tonight id love it if you did and I said naw I can't just have your space and time alone then she goes I thought you said I could text you if I wanted to I said you but I'm trying to respect your wishes now she's freaking out god there so confuseing ima be a see what happens because I'm sure were done for good no matter what I say or do

Do you know what I think you should do? Let it be.

If it's meant to be well then it will!

Sounds like she loves the idea of having mutiple suitors; guys she can call, text, hang out with, kiss etc...

What does she mean by, work for her? Do you two work at the same company?

You that's how we met but I'm so fed up working there I think ima just quit tomorrow when I'm suppose to work won't get my check on my birthday but owell I need out of that place working with her would be hard

Dude, get your own life, and let this young girl be herself, and enjoy her young high school experience. Keep your dignity, and get your check, and enjoy your birthday, and the rest of your life.

First everything, and still, she isn't yours. That is because no one ever really belongs to someone else, ever. You don't have to walk by her school, take a different street. You don't have to work with her, get a job you like. Gazing at her house might be interesting but there are plenty of other things you can choose to do. Obsessed is stuck. Get free.

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Originally Posted by blackmage

if i see something i don't like i might react bad and someone or many people will get hurt

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It would be very wrong for you to hurt someone.

No one has to stay with anyone else. You may be feeling angry sometimes, but don't act on that.

When she says she loves you but is not "in love," she probably just means she still cares for you and feels affection for you but doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore. I think she is trying to be nice and let you down easy so you won't be so upset. Let her go.

Well we where texting and I was buzzed and she called me out of the blue not like I asked her to call and she was really nice I wasn't flooding her with stupid questions I was just telling her I'm here for her when she needs me that I would take her back if is she's making a mistake but I would only work things out with her if that's what she wanted she didn't yell at me for rthe first time in 2 weeks was real sweet heart like I remember said I'm really tired I love hearing you like this can I text or call u 2mrow if your going to e like this I said sure but I am buzzed I remember all that I said to her I don't know what this can mean but will see what happens this girl is still amazing to me therw al the heart ache and pain she has put me through I'm not takeing it we will get 2gher soon but that if I just play cool I have more chance then being a retarded freaking asking her 200000 questions a day

That sounds positive.

She has not put you through anything though. You chose to feel like that, go through it. Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. No one else makes you do or feel anything. Even anger and jealousy are a choice.

Says she can't bring it to her to see me just yet I don't know what that means it hink she wants to disconect from me because a small small part of her still doesn't want to lose me fully I kind of need to sto pressureing her with everything we agreed to not talk a lot or text a lot that kind of stuff and well we talk before she sleeps like usual text threw out the day yeah most of its my fault being a trying and trying to figure out why she wants this

She said it scares her and thinks its stupid to make someone your entire world and not want to succed past that I kind of was like that but with my age I had a job house all that I don't really need to do antying else other then minor personals but meh I get her point its my birthday today and I can't see her we worked at the same place I quit today because the bosses and me weren't getting along and everyone was in our business she says its going to suck not having me work though boss purposly made sure we worked oppiste days xcept a few days I asked her how she would have dealt with that and she said I don't know so I'm sure for a overall better its good I quit I do need more money different genre of work

We did talk again tonight after a crying yelling emontial day with her I know it probably makes her get over me more and more but she was saying something about lets see what happens in a week and maybe we can go do something or see each other with mutal friends I don't know I was half asleep but my ex of 4 years called her told her she needa stop leading me on if this is the case and this was before we talked peacefully and made descions on what we need to do I guess I can let her be single she for sure sounds like she's just to stressed on being with someone at this point she said she don't really even want to date like that she just wants to be able to hang out with her guy friends who I sort of told her not to talk to when we first got 2gher I was insecure because they had first base contact fingerin or make out or off and on but most of those guys turned out gay me myself won't turn gay that's for sure but I guess I over reacted and I still have moments where I do but she realizes that she can't expect me to just stop being its not even been a week since we broke up

Sorry for the scrambled post its my 22nd birthday today I'm kind of buzzed

Birthdays sometimes suck/buzz because we want them to be the happy times of childhood. Happy birthday, anyway.

Let her go, get on with your life. She doesn't belong to you, only you do. You can't control her, you can only control you.

Past 2 days she's hasn't texted or called said she's to busy

I called her left her a vmail because I'm down on life I realize that I just stay home don't know how to meet new friends how to start conversation realize I got no future like that and I think she's just going to ingore me from now on I should just quit and stop she probably ain't worth it

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Originally Posted by blackmage

i have dated older and i don't like it i really don't i just hope this is a phase and after a dude treats her like she realize that i never did that

it sucks im starting to see light but it sucks because i have to walk past the school she goes to and if i see something i don't like i might react bad and someone or many people will get hurt i shouldn't of became a martial artist haha

theres nothing wrong with it ya but what can she really do with out being with me then date other people is that what shes doing is testing to see if how she feels / felt for me was true of it was just because it was her first time for everything sex long term relationship always forever kind of talk

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Is there any alternative in walking around the school?

And, with previous advices to date someone older might not be too bad... People older tend to know what they want.

Walk away, more for your sake than hers. If you can afford to look for another job, do it.

You I quit couple days ago maybe I should when I called crying last night left her a vmail I didn't even get a text see if I was OK or I can call you later so it ima wait to see how long until she contacts me sick of getting ted on by girls let alone young ones haha

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Originally Posted by blackmage

i called her left her a vmail because i'm down on life i realize that i just stay home don't know how to meet new friends how to start convo realize i got no future like that

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I think your girlfriend probably doesn't want to keep feeling bad by staying in contact. It probably made her feel really bad knowing you were in tears.

Anyway, it's totally understandable that you would be feeling depressed now. You lost your girlfriend, you quit a job you've had for a while, and it sounds like you don't have a lot of friends right now either. That's a really hard place to be.

But as others have said, it's also a new beginning. You are still really young and I'm guessing you have lots of good things to look forward to. I would take this time to think about what you want to do in the future, both in terms of a career or further education and more socially. This is a good moment to take stock.

I strongly recommend that you begin the process of making friends and starting a social network of people who will be there for you at times like this. In my life, I have sometimes been really isolated, like you are feeling now. It's awful. But I have then made a point of reaching out to people--just inviting someone I barely know to have coffee with me and getting to know them. Make a point of asking them about themselves and listening to their problems and really taking an interest in their goals. Talk about your own too. You do that a few times with someone and pretty soon you've got a friend.

For now, be nice to yourself. Do something fun you wouldn't normally do and forgive yourself for feeling crummy. I hope you feel better soon!

Good luck!
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