I have been with my husband for almost 10 years. We have been married for almost 2 of those 10. Just recently he told me he felt like he needed to be single. He says he loves me and isn't giving up on us he just needs some space and time. He is all I know. He is my best friend and I can't stand being away from him. I am trying so hard not to bother him because he said it might drive him further away. It might not be so hard if he would just say I DON'T LOVE YOU. Can someone give me some advice please.

Yeah, forget about him. He obviously doesn't understand how a mature adult relationship world. You don't marry someone and then decide you want to be "single". If you REALLY don't want to give up, suggest marriage counseling. I just don't understand what makes women want to stay with a guy who wants to bail on their marriage for no reason.

... I... kinda disagree with ashley on the "forget about him" because it's not like they're just in a relationship... they're actually married.

I suggest talking to your husband first and trying to see what really is the issue here... the whole, "I want to be single," doesn't make sense after being together for 10 years... but then again, the longest relationship I've been in is about 3.5... but still.

Agreeing with ashley on this part, suggest marriage counseling.

It sounds like something is going on with hubby, something that he maybe doesn't want to admit to either you or himself.

10 years is a long time to be together, have you sat down and asked him why he feels this way? I agree with the marriage counselling too, don't give up just yet.

I have spoken to him about counseling but he said his mind is made up. I am just so confused. The night he told me all this he slept in the same bed as me and held on to me like nothing was wrong. It has only been 3 days but it feels like forever for me. I have seen him everyday since he said it too. Today is the first day that there will be no contact between us. Nothing has really changed for him other than I am gone. My world was turned upside down.

Oy, why did he marry you if he wants to be single?

Okay, obviously the therapy thing isn't going to work, but I suggest that you get some counselling for yourself so that you can deal with this.

It takes two to make a marriage work, if he isn't willing to then there really isn't much you can do. I know it hurts and that you are devastated, but maybe that's what he wants, and you are letting him have it.

Personally, I would carry on as if it doesn't bother you at all. Go out, have fun, be single, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. He's not really giving you a choice, so don't let his decision affect you, just keep on keeping on, that's all you can do.

Good Luck.

This is a difficult time for you and its very painful no doubt. I wish you the best. The only thing I suggest is go for the pocket book and I say this because, for 10 years you committed to him and he asked you to marry him, and now he wants to be single just two years after asking you to spend your life with him. He deserves some sting for breaking your heart and breaking your dream.

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Originally Posted by cdbrown

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years. We have been married for almost 2 of those 10. Just recently he told me he felt like he needed to be single. He says he loves me and isn't giving up on us he just needs some space and time. He is all I know. He is my best friend and I can't stand being away from him. I am trying so hard not to bother him because he said it might drive him further away. It might not be so hard if he would just say I DON'T LOVE YOU. Can someone give me some advice please.

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Ya know CD about a year ago my husband told me the same thing. I let him leave and while he was gone, I showed him that I didn't miss him and that just as he could enjoy the single life, then so could I. Yes it ate me up, because I love my husband. But as weeks passed he saw I was not kissing butt, he tried to ease his way back in wanting to go out to dinner, movies and I would always turn him down, until one day he came to me and said I'm sorry I made a mistake, I can't live with out you. I can't let some other man come in and take my place. I let him come back home but you better believe I made him work to do it.

Thank you mullins7040, I am trying so hard to do that. I am just so scared he's going to go out and do something stupid. I hope and pray that he loves and respects me enough not to though.

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Originally Posted by cdbrown

thank you mullins7040, I am trying so hard to do that. I am just so scared he's gonna go out and do something stupid. I hope and pray that he loves and respects me enough not to though.

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I understand that, I thought the same thing, but you know either they going to do it living in the house with us or living some place else. That is something we as woman can't control, I tell my husband I've installed in you that if you cheat you mine :) You just have to pray and ask God to keep him, Guide his mind, give you and him direction. God said that what "HE" join no man can asunder. So I keep that word in my heart. God is the head of my life and he don't play with kids, folks using his children, walking over us, playing with our heart, believe they going to have to deal with God (my daddy). So just pray for him honey, and ask God to guide him.

I cared for my ex wife for a year and a half while she was being treated for Breast Cancer. I did everything for her. Back and forth to Sloan-Kettering in NYC every few weeks, back to back surgery care at home three times,, everything, Three months after she got the "ok" from her Dr's. she got a 1000 ft stay away order against me. I could never go home again. She sold everything I owned. At least you know that he wants out. I had no clue and still have no explanation why it happened. I signed the divorce because she "terrorized" me into it by having me arrested 4 times for allegedly violating the court order.(The charges were evnetually dismissed).
That happened 4 years ago. I am still reeling from it.
If you are aware that he is unhappy and wants out, it may be best for you to try to get it over with. You don't mention your age but these situations typically happen when two people start dating early in life (teens)(Although this happened to me in my early 50's). People grow differently. It hurts, I know but you will be OK.

I think he has a bad case of has a girlfriend and does not know how to tell you. The old gag of I want to be single is an old one. He's got someone else stashed out there that he wants to be with. 10 years or no 10 years means nothing to him. He's gone his own merry way.