How do I get back my husband who wants to separate? Can there still be hope?
My husband and I married out of love, or so I thought. We have been together for 11 years and married for 3. He was always a kind man who took care of me and told me every morning that he loves me. He felt a lot of times that I didn't love him. I was holding back some of my feelings because I was confused and felt neglected by him. He would spend a lot of time at work and would come home tired and would make decisions without me and would leave me even on weekends to work because money was not enough for us to live. He has some debt and I think he just got tired trying to make me happy and provide for me that he neglected himself and his well-being and needs. Anyhow, our lack of communication reached the point where we were each just living our own lives for ourselves and just kept fighting and hurting each other. He just started neglecting me more and I would get upset and just add to his stress with my "nagging." I never meant to be controlling or push him away. I just wanted some attention because no matter what went wrong he never took action to make things right and gives up too easily. Now he has given up on the marriage. He feels he can do nothing right so why try? He left as if he can't stand being around me another minute. I calmly talked about all my feelings and poured my heart out to him and even apologized if I ever made him feel bad. He won't even apologize and doesn't even want to try to work things out and make changes. He feels the best answer is to be apart and that we will be happier going our separate ways. He hasn't talked divorce yet or taken his things. He is living at his mom's house. I don't know what I should do now? I know there is no other woman. I know he is depressed and stressed and feels nothing is going right in his life right now. I want to reach out to him but he has shut me out. He says he can't feel what he used to for me and wants to see if he will miss me and feel anything being apart. Should I take this as hope or just an excuse? I know I shouldn't think the worst as this happens with many men but can't help but feel abandoned. What can I do to get him back and give us another chance?
How likely is it that your husband will come back after separation?
Have any of you experienced a separation where your husband chooses to leave rather than try to resolve problems? I have been hurt by my husband's aloof behavior many times throughout the years. We have been together for 11 years and married 3. I stuck by him and forgave him for the way he treats me sometimes because I knew it wasn't because he doesn't love me but because he has issues of his own. He feels worthless and that he hasn't accomplished anything in his life. He also gives me the sense that he feels inferior to me and can't make me happy no matter what he does. The real problem though is just lack of communication because when things bother him he never says anything and just shuts me out. Now it has reached the point where he can't take it anymore and thinks the best decision is for him to leave so we can go on with our lives separately in hopes of finding something better. He doesn't feel we can fix things but he hasn't even given me or us the chance! I have been very patient with him and just let him go so he can clear his head. He gave me no choice. He was just giving me excuses all the time to leave and it was obvious he didn't feel comfortable around me anymore. It has been 4 days now and he texted me on the first day to see how I am. I didn't answer because I was hurt and just wanted to give us some space. He sent another text yesterday to say hi, how are you. I thought it may be that he was trying to open up communication and didn't want to dissapoint him or shut him out so I answered a simple I am doing OK, out with friends, how are you? He was sweet in his reply and said he was OK although had some allergies. He wished me to have a good afternoon and added "see you, kisses". Should I take this as a good sign and that there may be hope in us getting back together, or could it just be that he feels guilty and is doing his duty as a husband to check on me? I am in such a Limbo not knowing if my marriage is really over or not but I refuse to think that it is all over and give up. Please help!
Is it OK to write a letter to your husband after he chose to separate?
You may already know my story as I have recently posted my story in a different question on how to get my husband back. He has left for about a week now but hasn't even taken his things yet from the house. He is living at his parents next town away. I keep reading all these tips on the internet about what NOT to do. Don't call him, Don't text him, agree with the separation and all that. I have been following the advice to a point. I only text him if he texts me and not always. I wasn't the first to initiate communication and last time I talked to him on the phone I only asked about some bills and didn't appear needy in any way. I told him I have been going out with friends and doing OK.
The thing is that I know deep down he loves me and is struggling with his ego and himself because he feels worthless and that can't offer me anything. He didn't sound like he was having a good time on the phone. He appeared still depressed like his life isn't going anywhere. I feel responsible for making him feel this way because I know he holds a grudge for how I didn't compliment him enough or appreciate him. I don't want to lose him or break up our marriage because of silly misunderstandings because I DO appreciate him. He hurt me but I forgive him and feel he should know some of these things. I wrote a letter about all the things I feel bad about that I have done wrong. I write that I understand how he feels and want to help and also about why I felt neglected by him. I don't ask for him to come back or beg him or profess my love or anything so as not to be pushy. Do you think this is OK? Will it help to give it to him or will it just make things worse? Has anyone ever tried it? I am desperate to tell him these things somehow without nagging him or badgering him because I know he avoids me out of his fear of conflict so I don't know if I will ever really have the chance to get through to him. I don't want to appear desperate but don't want to waste anymore time apart either.