We are from Alabama. We took my Husbands Ex girlfriend to court for Custody or Joint we were really wanting custody. But in the end of a year of going to court we didn't get niether , But she got sole and all rights, all we got was vistion the 1st mon. for 4 hrs every Sat. 2nd mon was 6 hrs every Sat and the 3rd mon 8 hrs every Sat , but My husband mother has to be with him for the first 3 mons to pick his little boy up and return him. And the visition has to be at his mothers house not ours. And the 4 th mon he can start coming to our house but only for 10 hrs every Sat, 5th mon is 12 hrs every Sat and then the 6 th is 12 hrs every Sat then at 3 yrs he can start staying over night , But if he misses any of his visitions they start all over at the 1 st mon... when he ask about him she don't tell him nothing he has to stat a fuss with her to get anything out of her about his son , as in Doctors etc.. He has no say so in nothing.. we have to drive an 1 1/2 hr to pick him up. And the Child support was based up on his job he had before we went to court and he was filling for his disabilty he wasn't working at the time of going to court. I just don't really understand why she got Sole and all rights . I mean we have no police record or nothing we own everything we have cars , house etc.. And she has OCD and she's a depressent , she lives with her Grandparents and she has separation Anxiety from her grandmother she can't be away from her more then hr at a time.. She has even sent us pictures of him on her bed by her night stand where she had pills and pill bottles on it where he could get to them we gave it to our lawyer at the time . And pluse she draws a SSI check for what ever is wrong with her... I mean where are OUR rights to him . I mean we got nothing but that visition and that's it... I mean we get NO pictures unless my husband mother gives them to us and My husband parents gets him every weekend and we know nothing about it and he gets to stay over night with them.. I just wish someone would help me understand OUR rights? Please:confused:

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Originally Posted by Hope4us

We are from Alabama. We took my Husbands Ex girlfriend to court for Custody or Joint we was really wanting custody. But in the end of a year of going to court we didn't get niether , But she got sole and all rights, all we got was vistion the 1st mon. for 4 hrs every Sat. 2nd mon was 6 hrs every Sat and the 3rd mon 8 hrs every Sat , but My husband mother has to be with him for the first 3 mons to pick his lil boy up and return him. and the visition has to be at his mothers house not ours. and the 4 th mon he can start coming to our house but only for 10 hrs every Sat, 5th mon is 12 hrs every Sat and then the 6 th is 12 hrs every Sat then at 3 yrs he can start staying over night , But if he misses any of his visitions they start all over at the 1 st mon ... when he ask about him she dont tell him nothing he has to stat a fuss with her to get anything out of her about his son , as in Doctors ect.. he has no say so in nothing .. we have to drive an 1 1/2 hr to pick him up. and the Child support was based up on his job he had before we went to court and he was filling for his disabilty he wasn't working at the time of going to court. I just dont really understand why she got Sole and all rights . I mean we have no police record or nothing we own everything we have cars , house ect.. And she has OCD and shes a depressent , she lives with her Grandparents and she has seperation Anxiety from her grandmother she can't be away from her more then hr at a time.. She has even sent us pictures of him on her bed by her night stand where she had pills and pill bottles on it where he could get to them we gave it to our lawyer at the time . and pluse she draws a SSI check for what ever is wrong with her.... I mean where are OUR rights to him . I mean we got nothing but that visition and thats it ... I mean we get NO pictures unless my husband mother gives them to us and My husband parents gets him every weekend and we know nothing about it and he gets to stay over night with them.. I just wish someone would help me understand OUR rights?? please:confused:

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This is going to sound harsh, more harsh than I mean it - but there is no other way to explain the situation. The Court heard both sides and made their decision based on what they feel is best for the child - the Court really doesn't care what is best for you or the father or the mother or the grandparents.

For whatever reason the Court decided it is unwise for the child to stay overnight with you and has basically ordered supervised visitation at first - that's the purpose of your husband's mother being there.

The Court reviewed everything and made its decision; any opinion here is just that - an opinion without all the facts and evidence. Didn't your Attorney have any insight into the decision?

Wait whatever time frame Alabama requires before you can take the matter back in and then try for more liberal visitation.

I'm going to be even a little harsher than Judy. You are telling us only your side of the story, but the judge heard both sides and made his decision. Based on that decision, I have to think there are things you aren't telling us. Especially the fact that he required supervised visitation at first.

Maybe his decision was based on lies he was told by the mother, maybe there are other things we don't know. Were you represented by an attorney?

But I have to believe, at this point, that the judge made a decision based on the best interests of the child.

Yes we had a lawyer no the Judge didn't get to hear it it was settled out , but we didn't agree on none of the things that HER lawyer wrote in the papers.. The only other side to the story is that she has been giving us Hell about Him being Married to me and NOT her that the real problem that the other story like I have told her she needs to go on with her life and leave us alone and let him see his child the reason for the visitions like that because she doesn't want me around there little boy . Because she is upset ans angery with him because he married me and Not her and My husbands family all know that and the lawyers and her family knows that it has been made plan and clear that they will do what it takes to end our marriage.. I mean she just can't move on 2 yrs this has been going on.. and the other day he asked about his son and she told him to get a nother lawyer if he wanted to know anything I mean its something everyday. I mean she has told lies on us about following her around we live 1 1/2 away from her and I have 4 kids of my on.. I don't have time for childish games.. And another thing is that baby stays sick all the time and she does too all the time she has to have all eyes on her and her way.. I have got ugly emails from her and her family threathing me.. that why I was asking I mean I know there's NO reason what so ever not to have him with us.. I think we got a bad lawyer and she didn't do her job . I called her ( lawyer) when I got the papers that we didn't agree upon for a month she never return no calls.. I had to call the clerks office to try to kep the jugde from signing them.. I called another lawyer and fax the papers to him and like he said there was nothing keeping us from getting joint cusdoty and he is a lawyer for DHR ? So something went wrong somewhere?

I've merged the two threads. Please don't start a new thread for a follow-up. Just add a reply in the thread.

Yes it sounds like you didn't have a lawyer that stood up for you. If her lawyer was able to jam through what they wanted over your objections then your lawyer didn't do their job.

From my experience, there are much more details that the judge had in hand, and we don't.
Why don't you let your husband handle this matter by himself?

Ok, if you agreed to a settlement, then that is what you agreed to, if they wrote things you did not agree to, then don't sign it and go back to court.

As for joint cusotdy, not going to happen 1 1/2 hours apart, if you were in the same school district and down the road, it was much more likely.
And to be honest some judges just don't award it, they give custody to the mother 99 percent of them time because they are the mother.

I had one case where the mother was a drug addict, photos of boose and written proof of her sleeping with men for money, and yes the judge still gave her full custody.

If your husband allowed this to be a final settlement, he just was foolish.
So why did he and your attorney ever agree to this??

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, if you agreed to a settlement, then that is what you agreed to, if they wrote things you did not agree to, then don't sign it and go back to court.

As for joint cusotdy, not going to happen 1 1/2 hours apart, if you were in the same school district and down the road, it was much more likely.
and to be honest some judges just don't award it, they give custody to the mother 99 percent of them time because they are the mother.

I had one case where the mother was a drug addict, photos of boose and written proof of her sleeping with men for money, and yes the judge still gave her full custody.

If your husband allowed this to be a final settlement, he just was foolish.
So why did he and your attorney ever agree to this ???

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No , what had happen was our lawyer and her lawyer was trying to settle it out her lawyer wrote down the visition we agreed on that because of him not being around us so he could get use to us.. this was all written on a piece of legal pad and the only thin else we agreed on was thanksgiving and christmas eve to get him... and her calling to check on him.. and my Husand signed just that.. We didn't find out what else was in there until I called and the clerk at the clerks office read it to me.. I mean we knew nothing of the sole cusdoty or nothing or the rest of what was written in the papers until I called ower lawyer wouldn't even return our phone calls until this day she want.. I faxed in the papers to another lawyer and he said the Judge might say we would just have to live with that.. I mean my husband has NO say in anything of his child when he goes to the doctor or school nothing that was all put in the papers.. and puse they based his child support on a job he hadn't had for going on a 1yr 1/2.. se and if his mother can't go with us to get him and if he misses 1 visition it starts all over and he has missed some because his mother had to work so we are getting no where with the visitions..

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Originally Posted by lawanwadee

From my experience, there are much more details that the judge had in hand, and we don't.
Why don't you let your husband handle this matter by himself?

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For one my husband is the type of person that people runs over and I'm tired of seeing it happen I have 4 kids of my own and I have cusdoty of all for, but I would never try to keep them for their father and this is his only child and he just turned 2 and when him and his Ex got together her and her family said that she could never have kids and then bam she could after that she would have nothing to do with him she acted like she didn't want him around this is coming from his side of the family because they try to tell him right after his little boy was born he better try to get cusdoty of him.. and me and his Ex don't talk she has try to start a fight in the lobby of the court house and all but I'm bigger then that she's 26 and I'm 36 like I said I didn't have time for games and fusses with her.. my concern is for his little boy and he well being she had left him in a car alone and all we have pictures , but the judge didn't see no one of that or the emails her and her family has wrote me and her friends.. she didn't want him when she was having the baby so he moved on now she holds his son over his head..

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Originally Posted by Hope4us

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For one my husband is the type of person that people runs over and im tired of seeing it happen i have 4 kids of my own and i have cusdoty of all for, but i would never try to keep them for their father and this is his only child and he just turned 2 and when him and his Ex got together her and her family said that she could never have kids and then bam she could after that she would have nothing to do with him she acted like she didnt want him around this is coming from his side of the family b/c they try to tell him right after his lil boy was born he better try to get cusdoty of him.. and me and his Ex dont talk she has try to start a fight in the lobby of the court house and all but im bigger then that shes 26 and im 36 like i said i dint have time for games and fusses with her .. my concern is for his lil boy and he well being she had left him in a car alone and all we have pictures , but the judge didnt see noone of that or the emails her and her family has wrote me and her firends .. she didnt want him when she was having the baby so he moved on now she holds his son over his head..

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Sounds like a bad situation in many ways - if your husband is laid back (and apparently he is) then I think you've got to drag him to another Attorney to get this settled and get some other resolution in place.

Is the problem that he has married and moved on and she's frozen in time - ?

It sounds to me like this is more like game heaven then anything else. Your husband really needs to decide what he really wants to do. He needs to move forward and take care of business because if he's willing to lay down and its his own child then there is really nothing your going to get accomplished in the end. Unless your lawyer was a real crook ( if they were report them to the bar ) then they should have explained to you what you were signing before you signed it. If there was anything at all you didn't understand then its up to them to tell you and represent you in the matter at hand. How did you get pictures of the child being left in the car if you didn't follow her around somehow ? If she did do that then you should have called the police or children's services right away. If you have threatening emails etc then get a restraining order. Last but not least.. the next time you and your husband decide to invest in custody get a parental evaluation done. Be sure to ask the courts and then set a date for a hearing.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Sounds like a bad situation in many ways - if your husband is laid back (and apparently he is) then I think you've got to drag him to another Attorney to get this settled and get some other resolution in place.

Is the problem that he has married and moved on and she's frozen in time - ?

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Yes, Very much so and this has been going on for 2 yrs now.. and it's always something new , I mean she has even told his mother that I sent someone up to her house to beat her up and I have never.. I dont'even know how to get to her house then to find out that she gave that guy her address from online and tols him how to get up there . That's not the only guy she has done that too. This one guy found us on the computer and ask was there something wrong with her she has never meet him and was telling him that she loved him and looking at other girls on his myspace page and getting mad about it.. and she had just been talking to him on myspace and the phone he had never meet her or nothing.. and telling my mother and law that I was calling her I don't know her numder either and then the other day at she told his mom and dad my husband was following her around? We live hour 1/2 away from her.. She has even told my sister and law and my father and law that should just couldn't let go.. and Yes we have contacted other lawyers this past week and this week to see if we could get something done.. one said that we could refile for custody.. so I don't know if it's going to work since we already done that and got screwed.. Yes she can't stand that he is Happy with me and he is married.. it isn't like he didn't ask her she said no. I think what it was is that she thought that she had him my having their son and that he wasn't going no where she had him but he got tired of being treating the way her and her family treated him so he cut his ties with her and its been like this ever since getting worst as each day goes by...

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Sounds like a bad situation in many ways - if your husband is laid back (and apparently he is) then I think you've got to drag him to another Attorney to get this settled and get some other resolution in place.

Is the problem that he has married and moved on and she's frozen in time - ?

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Yes, Very much so and this has been going on for 2 yrs now.. and it's always something new , I mean she has even told his mother that I sent someone up to her house to beat her up and I have never.. I dont'even know how to get to her house then to find out that she gave that guy her address from online and tols him how to get up there . That's not the only guy she has done that too. This one guy found us on the computer and ask was there something wrong with her she has never meet him and was telling him that she loved him and looking at other girls on his myspace page and getting mad about it.. and she had just been talking to him on myspace and the phone he had never meet her or nothing.. and telling my mother and law that I was calling her I don't know her numder either and then the other day at she told his mom and dad my husband was following her around? We live hour 1/2 away from her.. She has even told my sister and law and my father and law that should just couldn't let go.. and Yes we have contacted other lawyers this past week and this week to see if we could get something done.. one said that we could refile for custody.. so I don't know if it's going to work since we already done that and got screwed.. Yes she can't stand that he is Happy with me and he is married.. it isn't like he didn't ask her she said no. I think what it was is that she thought that she had him my having their son and that he wasn't going no where she had him but he got tired of being treating the way her and her family treated him so he cut his ties with her and its been like this ever since getting worst as each day goes by... and she always brings up my kids too..