Ask Me Help Desk - I hate and love it all at the same time.

My story is this:
I met my boyfriend when I was in the 8th grade and he was in 9th. I hated him at first but he grew on me and we started dating... now here we are I'm 19 years old and he is 20 both graduated and I just finished up my 1st semester of college. Well here is my problem I love him so much and I plan on having a future with him BUT I go through phases were I really want to be with him and were doing great then I push him away and say wait a second I'm only 19 years old and I have been with the same guy since 8th grade. Like a part of me wants to see what else is out there and just not have to answer to anybody but then when I tell him I need a break he crys and I cry and it gets really hard and we decide not to take a break. I need to be able to see if I can live without him or if I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him.
My question is: is this normal for all relationships to have there doubts or do I need to take time for myself and find out who I am and then go from there? I hope someone can relate to me I would love to hear everyone's opinion... espically someone who is still with there high school sweetheart and is a little older so I can get advice!
Thank you
Brittany:confused:

Well I think you and him are running into growing pains and I also think you are learning the difference between how men and women relate to love. Men have a very difficult time adjusting to someone else once they've fallen for a girl. It is easier for a woman because they understand emotions and can think beyond the tunnel vision men have in this regard. Furthermore, men are very confused on this issue because we are constantly told that a woman is thinking about marriage all the time, so we assume that a long relationship like the one you are in automatically equals marriage down the road.

The problem with explaining this to him is... he is a male and he is young. You are all he's ever known. I guarantee you that he thinks there is something romantic about that, where as you see it as "is there more?"

I can't tell you what to do, but I do think you owe it to him to be honest, you may not want to be with him for life, but I think we have to say he's been very loyal and deserves to hear the truth and if you want to break up you can not continue to play with his emotions.

In my opinion you should be able to work through your problems together or what chance have you in the future?

Dated my HS sweetheart for 7 years, including all of college.

Mine wasn't the happy ending short term. Meaning it crashed and burned largely for what I think you are going through and what is normal. I was into her, she wanted to explore. As much as I had bad feelings for her by the time it was all over, in hindsight I don't have any frustration for her wanting to explore... it was all the other mind games at the end that drove me over the top.

I think its all normal. I think some young loves are great for a time, that time, but not all time.

My best friend in college married his HS sweetheart after they both graduated from college. Now married a dozen plus years and with three kids. But he was the exeption... like you, he knew her from years before. They didn't go to the same college. They gutted it out. They have a great marriage... but I don't think either one of them ever really had that need to explore.

Most people do when young.

Staying and talking and trying to figure it out, even when you have concerns, isn't wrong. Stepping back when all seems well except you feel a "pull" isn't wrong.

The deal is this... when you take a break, you should expect it to be done. There is no real pause button guarantee. If you break up, he might wait. He might not.

If he writes in here and says my love broke up with me we are going to tell him to move on, with no contact, unless you come back, begging for his affections, and having the answer to the problems that caused the breakup. We will more than not tell him to not be there for you, to not be a buddy.

Now... I'm not trying to scare you. Honestly, I believe you've had a good relationship that has probably run the course, and now you are ready for something different. Nothing wrong with that. Doesn't mean it wasn't love. Again... when young, things can change so much so fast.

So... answer this. If you could be guaranteed that hed wait for you... would you break up and explore other relationships? If the answer is yes, then you are probably ready to move on, you just haven't readied yourself for the event. It'll hurt. Like hell. But if you say yes, you are probably ready for a change in your life.

My first love ended terribly. I never talked to her again. But I can say it was love. Real love. For a long, long time. We just both needed a change. She knew it long before I did.

Quote:

My question is: is this normal for all relationships to have there doubts or do I need to take time for myself and find out who I am and then go from there? I hope someone can relate to me I would love to hear everyone's opinion

Just me, we all have a wanderlust, when we are young, and its OK to take time for yourself, and see where you fit in the world. It's a part of growing and learning, as you are not the same person you were in 8th grade, nor will you be the same person at 30 as you are now. No one can answer the question of what you should do, but I can tell you to do what you want to. Others may not like your decision, but then again, they don't have to be you, and live your life. Its your choice to make for yourself. No, I didn't marry my HS sweetheart, she changed her mind, and to this day I say thanks to her. Because I found my soulmate later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by britster

My story is this:
I met my boyfriend when i was in the 8th grade and he was in 9th. i hated him at first but he grew on me and we started dating...now here we are im 19 years old and he is 20 both graduated and i just finished up my 1st semester of college. well here is my problem i love him soo much and i plan on having a future with him BUT i go through phases were i really wanna be with him and were doing great then i push him away and say wait a second im only 19 years old and i have been with the same guy since 8th grade. like a part of me wants to see what else is out there and just not have to answer to anybody but then when i tell him i need a break he crys and i cry and it gets really hard and we decide not to take a break. i need to be able to see if i can live without him or if i really do want to spend the rest of my life with him.
My question is: is this normal for all relationships to have there doubts or do i need to take time for myself and find out who I am and then go from there? i hope someone can relate to me i would love to hear everyones opinion...espically someone who is still with there high school sweetheart and is a little older so i can get advice!
Thank you
Brittany:confused:

I've been with my high-shcool sweet heart since we were 17... we're 32 now, happily married with 3 kids. I think if it's right for you... you know it, and anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

In my opinion you should be able to work through your problems together or what chance have you in the future?

Omg when you quoted "when like a challenge so when its gone so are you" that is totally what I feel like. I guess I miss the butterfly feeling in my stomach and whenever my friends have new boyfriends they always say omg I can't stop thinking about him or omg I like him so much.. I used to have those feelings and now there gone so I think that's were I'm stuck

-Britster

Quote:

Originally Posted by petzke

i've been with my high-shcool sweet heart since we were 17...we're 32 now, happily married with 3 kids. i think if it's right for you...you know it, and anything worth having is worth fighting for.

You guys are married now you say... did you have the doubts I'm having.. I understand it is hard dealing with any relationship.. but do you still to this day get butterflys when your around them or think about your high school sweetheart? I want that feeling back so bad I'm curious to know if you found your 1 true love if the feelings stay no matter how long you;ve been together. I hope I am making sense because its really hard for me to explain it outloud.

I want to thank everyone who has put there opinion in about my problem. I can't talk to my family cause I disagree with some things they do and I don't have friends I can trust with secrects so to have total strangers help me with my problem is shocking but very appreciated. All of your suggestions are very helpful and I feel a million times better talking about it and having some one listen and not judge
Thank you all again!
Britster :)

Hi,Britanny
My opinionis you don`t appreciate how important and nice is to be with your love from high school.I had a relationship with a boy from high school and he was my first love.It was wonderful... and honestly I`m still thinking of him sometimes... My advice is to appreciate what you have... and to be single it`s not such a great thing.I have the same age as you and I think you are a very LUCKy GIRL!(I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THE TIME)NICE TO MEET YOU!:*
BYE AND GOOD LUCK!

Okay so I broke up with my boyfriend who I was with for almost five years... u might have read the question I posted about if I should break up with him or not.. well I did and now here I am.

I met this boy who was in my math class at my comm college. He is so nice and funny and handsome and we were friends (this started before me and my b/f broke up) starting towards the end of the class coming to an end. I figured out I had a huge crush on him and so we went to the beach one day and I had so much fun. I confessed to him that I liked him and he agreed that he liked me to but he knew at the time I had a boyfriend. However he took me to the movies the following night (didnt try anything which was nice) and he was such a gentlemen and he made me laugh and I get butterflys in my stomach when I'm around him. Well I finally broke up with my boyfriend and I had told him that and he was happy but completely understood if I didn't want to hang out right away because of my situation. He to was in a 5 yr relationship so he knows how it is. But I told him he makes me laugh and I wanted to hang out. So a couple days later we went to a party together and I had fun we didn't stay to long but long enough to drink a beer and enjoy talking. I said goodnight and he texted me to let me know he got home all right and I told him I had to see him again tomorrow and he laughed and asked why so I told him there's something about him that feels right... I said well I put my feelings out there so you gimme a call or text me whenever you want to hang out again. You know trying to keep "cool":rolleyes: and he said I like you britt you're a sweetheart. "score" I thought to myself lol so we made plans to hang out the following night he had to work till 10 so he said he would call me. Well he did call but we ended up not hangin out and made plans for him to come over on Thursday to watch a movie. He would text me in the mornings and say " your so beautiful britt britt" and stuff like that... that made me smirk all day and just think about him non stop.

However I feel like he is kind of blowin me off because he hasn't texted me in like a day (I know its only a day) the night we were suppost to hang out was a Sunday now we don't have plans until Thursday. I can't eat or sleep or stop thinking about this kid and now I won't see him until Thursday and he hasn't text me which is sort of puttin me in a bad mood!

Is he my rebound guy? Or do you think he could be potential? I mean yeah I'm sad about my boyfriend and I splitting up after 5 years but it feels so right that were not together anymore and it feels so right with this kid I have a crush on. Am I crazy? Please tell me I'm not

Ahh I hate this new crush thing but also love it at the same time does that make sense?
I'm so smittened by him :o

He sounds like the Rebound guy to me. When we split from someone particularly someone you have been with for 5 years there is a void. Maybe you just feel like you need to fill that void right now.

I would suggest you take a bit of a break until your over your previous relationship. I'm not saying you should not see this guy at all but just take it real slow. Maybe see each other once a week or so and let him know if its going to happen it will a bit down the track.
It'll be better for you both in the end.