Here's the backstory: Im with him over a year now, and at 6 months I found him texting his ex, maybe I shouldn't have been looking through his phone but I thought it would be harmless, and I always let him look through mine. But not only was he texting her, but he was saying that he had broken up with me long before now and the only person he really loved was her. So before I exploded I read all the messages to make sure I had my story straight first, so when I confronted him 5 minutes later he told me that he was ing with her head and he was playing a part in his head to see how hed feel without me. He said he was sorry, but there were a lot of lies in the messages about other things and I had no reason not to trust him so I believed him.

He suffers from sever depression and will regularly cancel big plans because he decides he doesn't know if he loves me or not, (and these aren't exagurated words!), and id cry my eyes out and wait for him to come back to me again. Then the last time it happened I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I finished with him. That's when I started finding out about his ex and how they went out for longer than he had told me. Over a year longer. And he had been meeting up with her behind my back. He says he's solved his issues with her now and wants to get back with me. And were working on getting back to normal now, but this question is holding me back.

Now onto the pressing question. When we broke up, he sent a message to some random girl on bebo saying "Hey, your hot". And this made me laugh at the time because I just got a kick out of the patheticness! But now she's asked him to join her band and he went out on his own to see her gig last week. The worst thing is that I asked him was it the same Lisa from bebo that was the Lisa playing the gig and he looked me right in the eye and said no. It wasn't until the day after when she left the comment on his page saying thanks for coming to the gig that I knew he was lying. Why was he lying? Is there something behind it or is he just an innocent idiot?

Is this guy really worth all the heart ache? If so then I suggest a break of at least 6 months where he can go and see a counselor and work thorough his issues (the lying and depression) and u can have some 'you' time and decide if he's really what u want.

You ask if you can trust him again, then give an endless list of reasons not to trust him. So, since you know already there are no trust issues here... he can't be trusted... the real question is "why are you so eager to have this guy stay with you?"

You know that NOTHING you say or do will change his character. He is what he is. He lies because it is easy to do so, convenient, and girls like you are chomping at the bit to believe him. Why is that? Is he so gorgeous as to be impossible to walk away from? Rich beyond measure? What?

Is it just because you "like" him? Is that all? Are your uncontrollable feelings of attraction towards him more important than your good sense?

Based on the story you tell, it's clear even you know this guy is hopeless, yet you want him anyway. He isn't an innocent idiot. He's smooth lying ladies man, perfectly normal for him I'd guess.

The only idiocy here is seeing how he acts, hearing the lies, knowing his character... and trying to figure out how YOU can fix it.

You fix it by living an awesome life with real trustworthy people and never give people like this another moment of your precious, precious life.

Take care.

Honestly I don't know what it is! Hes on the dole, dropped out of college and complains every day about living at home but still won't do anything about it! But when he looks at me and tells me he loves me, I can't see an reason in his eyes not to believe him! Hes the one who is always stressing that we be honest.
Hes coming over tomorrow and if I don't get the answers I want then I'm finished. I mean is it selfish that I resent him for not visiting me until tomorrow when I've been in bed on anti-biotics since Friday? And he conveniently left his phone at home when he went out many times these few days, when he so often says its only me that contacts him, how can he forget our only mode of contact so easily? He lives about 40mins away!

Can someone please just hit me really hard? I need to snap out!

If you don't get the answers you want you are finished
He WILL give you the answers you want as he continues to sneak behind your back and make lame excuses to keep you hanging on. Sounds to me like you are the back up plan for IF nobody else gets as interested in him as you are.
I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.
I might of bought the 'messing with the ex's head' IF he hadn't been lying and sneaking every other which way.

I broke up with him the day before our anniversary because he was just getting too much! An I have my college exams next month and I told him I won't officially get back with him untl after that because I can't deal with his crap!
I don't mean to sound bragish or anything, but its not like I don't have guys after me a lot, I'm a dancer like so I'm pretty well kept, and if anything its me who can have the pic, and there is nobody else who could put up with his crazy inner head, I get on great with his mother and she said he's been better since he met me, but she also wants me to finish with him because she thinks I deserve better. Even his mother said it like! :L

I could write a thesis on this! :D

I think in your thesis your answer would be. Like a pro and con list.
Like so far just here I haven't seen anything worth staying together.
A lot of things screaming get away though.

The problem here is your "want to". Regardless of how he really is, how he lets you down or leads you on, you grasp at every semi-plausible whatever excuse and swallow it and stay because you "want to". The thing you "want to" do is have him just snap out of it and realize how good he has it in you, and you "want to" see it through no matter how lame it means your life really is.

You got to work on your "want to".

Can you describe the next 5 years of your life without mentioning him specifically in any way? Can you leap forward 10 years and describe the proud person you're looking back on and admiring... the person that is you making awesomely productive and substantive choices with your life? Can you describe all you would like to have accomplished... finished... done with and admire the heck out of? Can you do that?

Now, after you've envisioned that awesome 10 years, can you see yourself putting all that on hold to wait on this guy? Is that what you "want to" do?

Hey fairycakes! :) Personally I think that he thinks he can get away with everything, look after number one! And the baby of course :P look after yourself first, go away for the weekend, tell him that what he's doing is unacceptable... tbh, I wouldn't trust a guy if he was texting his ex girlfriend,

Its because you love him so much, you may think that you can't do no better, trust me, you've got a good head on your shoulders and you can do better then that, find someone that loves you for you, not for a joyride like this other guy is doing,

He's taking advantage of you! He Lies to you, TO YOUR FACE!!

Id chuck him if I was you honey, there are sooo many decent guys out there that will love you for you! And that's what you need :)