Hi all, Have posted about my issues with the breakup with my girlfriend before so won't go into it again but...

I'm trying to look on this in a funny way now, but it felt so crap at the time and in the last few days!

Just wondering if anyone else has had not great experiences with bumping into exes and not coping with them too well!

Anyway, after 5 months of NC I bumped into my ex and her new boyfriend ( who I sort of know ) on Saturday night. It was a bit of a shock, I know that they have been seeing each other for a while. But it was a bit of a surprise seeing both together finally.

So how did I deal with it? I wish I could say that I was calm and said "hi" to them both then walked on, that's what I wish I had done.

What actually happened was that as soon as I saw them, I not quite ran to hide around a corner, I basically panicked and bolted. Seconds later, they left the club we were all in, I take it they saw me and decided for whatever reason to leave.

This meeting and my feeble reaction has left me feeling pretty down about myself, I don't think I dealt with the situation well, I would have liked to put on a brave face to my ex and shown that I was getting on with my life and was over her (even though I'm not really! )

I do not know the story about the break up and how long you were with this girl.
But to be dumped will always leave an empty space.
Maybe time to ask yourself some questions?
Do I feel sad because I was dumped and it made me feel insecure about myself?
Do I still love this person and why, do I miss her friendship?

You can feel ripped apart because you left a piece of yourself with her, you must have really loved her.. so its time to get it back and fill up your empty space again.

The one thing I learned from having a relationship is that its very important that you always love yourself first, know who you are what you have to offer and love yourself for that. There is no reason to be insecure and if you can make yourself happy you can make another happy. Sometimes people just don't match how much they would want to but its just not there and it has nothing to do with who you are.

So don't feel sad about how you reacted when you saw her its very normal and you showed your true feelings there 's nothing wrong about doing that, actually I find it very inspiring for others to do that. Stay true to yourself and your feelings.
I think the girl left because is in heart she knows that she can still hurt your feelings, a good and respectful thing from her to just leave the place.

It will take some time but Im sure you will get over it and find someone you will match with.

I leave you a poem:

I was dwelling in a world of the after love life
The mirror cracked and so did all the illusions
That once were meant to be beautiful dreams
Nothing left but terrifying pain and confusions
No answers for my bleeding heart
I felt the rage, the war inside...
I didn't die.. and I didn't cry
But yet the wounds I can not hide
Which made me suffer... all those nights

Do grief and enter the dark night of the soul
That sometimes encompasses us but to become whole
What is it we learn
In this darkness of soul and spirit?
That whoever is sore wounded by love
Will never be whole will never be in it
Unless they embrace...
The very same love which wounded their inner space!

Ok, I have a muuuuuuccccchhhhhh better horror story for you, haha, here goes:

I was at my neighbor's house (his cousin), and me and my ex had been friends with no problems other than me being a retard and thinking he was the best boyfriend ever! Well we are all sitting around drinking and my ex shows up! We continue talking and joking around, then my ex calls his new girlfriend (which my neighbor had told me she slept around a lot and was just playing my ex, which made me mad cause he was the GREATEST BF EVER REMEMBER!) Anyway, she comes over and not only starts to hang all over my ex, but also my neighbor. And since we were "still friends" and I had actually helped him a lot on his newer relationships, I HAD TO SIT THERE AND WATCH THEM MAKING OUT AND CUDDLING UP TOGETHER! I wanted to bust out crying, they were talking about how they had done all the things I had wanted to do with him and I was about to die!

I played everything off pretty well might I add, I STOMPED HOME, CALLED MY BEST FRIEND AND CRIED LIKE A BIG IDIOT OVER A "FRIEND" THAT DIDN'T EVEN RESPECT ME ENOUGH NOT TO "MAKE OUT" WITH HIS NEW GF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Even though I know that was his way of making me jealous, I think it was a little MUCH don't you!?

After a few weeks of intense depression, I got over it, we are still "friends" but I really don't have much to do with him. The reason I was so hurt was because he had been leading me on (or so it seems) for a while and I thought he was serious! I probably over reacted, but now (1 yr later) I think it is a pretty amusing story!

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Originally Posted by boredINmind

Ok, I have a muuuuuuccccchhhhhh better horror story for you, haha, here goes:

I was at my neighbor's house (his cousin), and me and my ex had been friends with no problems other than me being a retard and thinking he was the best bf ever! Well we are all sitting around drinking and my ex shows up! We continue talking and joking around, then my ex calls his new gf (which my neighbor had told me she slept around a lot and was just playing my ex, which made me mad cause he was the GREATEST BF EVER REMEMBER!) Anyways, she comes over and not only starts to hang all over my ex, but also my neighbor. And since we were "still friends" and I had actually helped him a lot on his newer relationships, I HAD TO SIT THERE AND WATCH THEM MAKING OUT AND CUDDLING UP TOGETHER! I wanted to bust out crying, they were talking about how they had done all the things I had wanted to do with him and I was about to die!

I played everything off pretty well might I add, I STOMPED HOME, CALLED MY BEST FRIEND AND CRIED LIKE A BIG IDIOT OVER A "FRIEND" THAT DIDN'T EVEN RESPECT ME ENOUGH NOT TO "MAKE OUT" WITH HIS NEW GF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Even though I know that was his way of making me jealous, I think it was a little MUCH don't you!?!

After a few weeks of intense depression, I got over it, we are still "friends" but I really don't have much to do with him. The reason I was so hurt was because he had been leading me on (or so it seems) for a while and I thought he was serious! I probably over reacted, but now (1 yr later) I think it is a pretty amusing story!

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Ouch, that would NOT be nice. Shows you what a prick he was though eh? You're miles better off without him!

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Originally Posted by DazT

Ouch, that would NOT be nice. Shows you what a prick he was though eh? You're miles better off without him!

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Haha! Thanks, I actually think that was his warped way of making me jealous so I would beg him to come back! He is that kind of person, but oh well, I won't make that mistake again!

I just hope that post helps everyone with their "encounters"!

I'm actually dreading the summer because I'm worried I'll see her with this guy I also sort of know who I suspect is with her now...
I will die. :/

Quote:

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Originally Posted by boredINmind

Ok, I have a muuuuuuccccchhhhhh better horror story for you, haha, here goes:

I was at my neighbor's house (his cousin), and me and my ex had been friends with no problems other than me being a retard and thinking he was the best bf ever! Well we are all sitting around drinking and my ex shows up! We continue talking and joking around, then my ex calls his new gf (which my neighbor had told me she slept around a lot and was just playing my ex, which made me mad cause he was the GREATEST BF EVER REMEMBER!) Anyways, she comes over and not only starts to hang all over my ex, but also my neighbor. And since we were "still friends" and I had actually helped him a lot on his newer relationships, I HAD TO SIT THERE AND WATCH THEM MAKING OUT AND CUDDLING UP TOGETHER! I wanted to bust out crying, they were talking about how they had done all the things I had wanted to do with him and I was about to die!

I played everything off pretty well might I add, I STOMPED HOME, CALLED MY BEST FRIEND AND CRIED LIKE A BIG IDIOT OVER A "FRIEND" THAT DIDN'T EVEN RESPECT ME ENOUGH NOT TO "MAKE OUT" WITH HIS NEW GF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Even though I know that was his way of making me jealous, I think it was a little MUCH don't you!?!

After a few weeks of intense depression, I got over it, we are still "friends" but I really don't have much to do with him. The reason I was so hurt was because he had been leading me on (or so it seems) for a while and I thought he was serious! I probably over reacted, but now (1 yr later) I think it is a pretty amusing story!

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Wow, I don't know how you managed to sit there and take all that!! I'm afraid I would have had to run away... again!

Yeah that guy is bad news I think if he does something like that in front of you just to make you jealous, definitely better off without him.

It's good that you can look back on it with humour now though :)

If you have to make contact just say hi, how you doing as a quick reference to their existence and move on! Move on.. I am walking here.

Any time you run into an ex it's akward. Especially when you see they have clearly moved on or have some new arm candy. I can't lie, I probably would have ran into the bathroom or something of that nature as well. As for the woman who sat there and watched all that. WOW. I would not have been able to handle that well at all. My face would have said everything I was feeling. I would have said, "Well, look at the time. I think I have somewhere I need to be" and left. If I didn't drive to the neighbor's house... well damn. I would have been stuck like chuck.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

If you have to make contact just say hi, how you doing as a quick refernce to their existence and move on!! move on.. I am walking here.

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Yeah I hope to get there soon, although at times I feel it's 2 steps forward and 3 back :(

On reflection I wish I had done just that, said hi to them both then moved on, as I mentioned in the first post, my ex and her new guy quickly got out of the place after I beat a very hasty retreat. I hope that it wasn't because they were angry at me running off and ignoring them that they left.

My ex and I split on OK terms and she never was a nasty type so I think maybe they left because they say how awkwardly I was handling the situation. But I shouldn't probably waste too much time thinking about it... unfortunately I have and I will, I think that's my main problem in moving on, I'm dwelling on things far too much.

If I meet up with her and her guy again I hope to handle it slightly better... although I'd probably rather not see her at all for a while..

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Originally Posted by ijm770

Hi all, Have posted about my issues with the breakup with my gf before so wont go into it again but....

I'm trying to look on this in a funny way now, but it felt so crap at the time and in the last few days!

Just wondering if anyone else has had not great experiences with bumping into exes and not coping with them too well!!

Anyways, after 5 months of NC I bumped into my ex and her new bf ( who I sort of know ) on Saturday night. It was a bit of a shock, I know that they have been seeing each other for a while. But it was a bit of a surprise seeing both together finally.

So how did I deal with it? I wish I could say that I was calm and said "hi" to them both then walked on, thats what I wish I had done.

What actually happened was that as soon as I saw them, I not quite ran to hide around a corner, I basically panicked and bolted. Seconds later, they left the club we were all in, I take it they saw me and decided for whatever reason to leave.

This meeting and my feeble reaction has left me feeling pretty down about myself, I dont think I dealt with the situation well, I would have liked to put on a brave face to my ex and shown that I was getting on with my life and was over her (even though I'm not really!!)

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It sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing (whether it was caused by panic or not!). You saw your ex, you ignored her. That is sticking to NC!

Why care under what basis she left. It seems if she had to leave the club, with new boyfriend with her, she is dealing with it a lot worse than you are!

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

It sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing (whether it was caused by panic or not!). You saw your ex, you ignored her. That is sticking to NC!

Why care under what basis she left. It seems if she had to leave the club, with new bf with her, she is dealing with it a lot worse than you are!

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Im not too sure why she left, I have been thinking too much about it, as you say what's the point in doing that...

I just think now after the fact that I could have shown her that I was over things by just saying hi and moving on when I saw her in the club, I really wish I had done that, hope fully if I meet her again I can be a bit more together, I don't know.

It's weird over the last week or so I seem to see her a lot, after hardly seeing her at all in 5 months, twice now I have seen her walking past as I have been on the bus, tonight I even went after her to try and apologise for not speaking on Saturday night! I had to stop myself... I can't believe I'm still this affected by her 7 months after we broke up :( I then get angry at myself for for being affected like this, it sucks.

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Originally Posted by ijm770

Im not too sure why she left, I have been thinking too much about it, as you say whats the point in doing that.....

I just think now after the fact that I could have shown her that I was over things by just saying hi and moving on when I saw her in the club, I really wish I had done that, hope fully if I meet her again I can be a bit more together, I don't know.

It's weird over the last week or so I seem to see her a lot, after hardly seeing her at all in 5 months, twice now I have seen her walking past as I have been on the bus, tonight I even went after her to try and apologise for not speaking on Saturday night!! I had to stop myself...I can't believe I'm still this affected by her 7 months after we broke up :( I then get angry at myself for for being affected like this, it sucks.

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You being affected still is increased by these near meetings. If you have to avoid her, do it, stick to true NC. Whilst you are doing NC, you are sort of keeping her in your view by wanting to chat to her, steer clear of that!

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Originally Posted by Questions2007

You being affected still is increased by these near meetings. If you have to avoid her, do it, stick to true NC. Whilst you are doing NC, you are sort of keeping her in your view by wanting to chat to her, steer clear of that!!

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Yes you are right, I keep on thinking, and fooling myself, that by chatting to her I will feel better or there will be some sort of positive conclusion for me, I don't think so, it will probably leave me getting down again..

It is strange the contrasting feelings NC can bring you, sometimes I want to see my ex, I imagine what she is doing or what we could be doing if we were still together ( I know this is wrong but I am terrible at this, I have to stop myself doing it ) but most of the time I just don't want to see her because I know it will bring me pain. I thought after 5 months of NC the feelings wouldn't affect me as much as this, but I suppose some people just take longer to get over things than others