I am 40 years old and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating since November and I love him very much. He is sweet and caring, but I can't get passed the fact that he has a three year old baby with a 21 year old girl. He met her when he was 36 and she was 17, got her pregnant when she was 18 and tried to have a relationship with her for the sake of the baby. This grosses me out and I look at it as if he is some sort of pervret who likes teenage girls. He swears that is not true but I just can't get over it. He pays child support for the baby and child support to his ex wife for his other three kids. I have relationships with his three kids from the ex, but I don't want to have anything to do with the teenager or the kid.

Is this really as messed up as I think it is, or am I making too much of it?

Let me see, 3 kids from one wife, one kid from a child ( 17 when they meet) but yes does sound like somewhat of a pervert, but the person you should be having the issue with is the man, not the child.

You don't need to have any relationship with the ex's, and he should not be having one either. Get the kids, visit with the kids but there is no reason to have anything but hello, here to pick up the kids and bye.

My only worry is when will the next 17 year old come around

I think you should leave the past in the past. He is with you now. Unless he has a history of chasing teenagers and 'loving 'em 'n leaving them' then I think you should get over it and deal with the present.
It sounds like he did try and have a real relationship with the girl rather than just chasing her for her youth or whatever. How would you feel if she had been 21 when he met her and the same situation?
As Fr_chuck said don't take it out on the kid.

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Originally Posted by freaked

I am 40 years old and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating since November and I love him very much. He is sweet and caring, but I can't get passed the fact that he has a three year old baby with a 21 year old girl. He met her when he was 36 and she was 17, got her pregnant when she was 18 and tried to have a relationship with her for the sake of the baby. This grosses me out and I look at it as if he is some sort of pervret who likes teenage girls. He swears that is not true but I just can't get over it. He pays child support for the baby and child support to his ex wife for his other three kids. I have relationships with his three kids fromt he ex, but I don't want to have anything to do with the teenager or the kid.

Is this really as messed up as I think it is, or am I making too much of it?

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OK when it comes to love age is nothing but a number my dad is like 38 and his girlfriend is 23 and she is just as mature as he is... Mabe your partner isn't just some perv. Mabe she was really mature for her age. Idk unless you have met her and know other wise! Hope you get it figured out... Good Luck

The thing is it happened in the past. She was considered an adult at the time that she got pregnant. I think the mature thing to do would be to let it go and remember that he is with you now. Everyone has things in their past that are shameful. Im sure you do too. I know that I do so just let it go and move on. I know that you will not be happy in this relationship until you just let it go.

I think the mature thing to do since you obviously have issues with this is to leave before it becomes a major issue in your relationship. You are not going to get over it so get out now before it gets harder to leave.