This all started 5 years ago for me.
I was dating my boyfriend John for 3 yrs. I started working an met another guy Brian an left my boyfriend for Brian. One month later I found out I was Pregnant. SO I left Brian an got back with John. I then moved back in with my mom till I could figure things out. After I had my baby John an I moved back in together after we got our son tested to make sure John was his father. We got married an everything seemed to be working out great. Then 6 months later I ran into Brian who is also married now an started having an affair with him. In January of 06 I got pregnant an told my husband that it was Brian's. Now my daughter is 5 months an Brian still hasn't told his wife about our baby. He doesn't want to hurt her nor do I because she can not have children of her own. We have been having this affair for almost 4 yrs now an both of us have tried to stay away from one another but have not been able to do so. Brian an I have hurt our spouses so much and have really ruined both of your marriages. My husband an Brian's wife want to work things out with us even though they both know about the affair. The problem is we can not stop seeing each other. I love my husband and Brian loves his wife but we are in love with each other. I really don't know what to do??

You have to get divorced. Your husband doesn't deserve this. He can't see this right now because he's devastated but he deserves better then you. He also deserves full custody and I hope you love your child and his future enough to grant that to both of them.

Get divorced. Yes, it'll hurt everyone in the present, but in the future it'll have been the best thing you could have done for everyone involved.

You cheated on your husband for almost half the time you were married and now have another mans child? You can try marriage counseling but I believe both yours and Brians marriages are doomed. Whatever you do you should keep your child's best interest in mind.

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I really don't know what to do??

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That's not true, you know very well what to do, you just don't want to do it. The same selfishness that led you to another, is the same selfishness that keeps you married, and have it on the side. Be honest, as long as you and bryan can do the wild thang, neither of you gives a rats a$$ about any one else, not even the children.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

That's not true, you know very well what to do, you just don't want to do it. The same selfishness that led you to another, is the same selfishness that keeps you married, and have it on the side. Be honest, as long as you and bryan can do the wild thang, neither of you gives a rats a$$ about any one else, not even the children.

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First off.. Thank you all for your advice! I know what I'm doing is wrong and am deeply ashamed of the way I've been living my life but for you to say I don't give a rats a$$ about my children is totally wrong. To be honest I'd rather not be with John or Brain if it mean me losing my children. They are my world and I would never give my husband custody of my child. I'd rather die then let someone else raise my children. As a mother I always Put my children first no matter what. Ain't no guy worth me losing my kids.

How did his wife not know when you filed for custody, and filed for child support to make him pay for his child?

Go I guess you did not do any of this. If you can not break the affair, let your husband have his child and move out. Your husband deserves his child and to find someone that will be true to him.

Yes, I never filed for custody or Child support An I don't need his help finacially. Like I said I'm not going to let my husband take my child from me. I'm more than capable of taking care of my own kids thank u

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Originally Posted by missy84

Like I said I'm not gunna let my husband take my child from me. I'm more than capable of taking care of my own kids thank u

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Then why don't you and quit cheating them out of a father who has done nothing wrong by making him miserable.

Cheaters are so selfish, they aren't just your kids are they? I mean the dads have as many rights as you do. And just curious, if your so ashamed, and know your wrong, why the freak are you doing it? If you love those kids so much, why are you going down a path that is tearing their home apart. If you care so much, ask them how they feel about their mother, whoring around with a guy who has told her his family comes first, so you'll never have a clean healthy, above board life, but I guess that's the thrill of it all. Don't expect any sympathy, until you at least want a change, and are willing to try. Otherwise your just like any other selfish person who cheats on their family to scratch an itch, rather than give 100% to the lives of the people who need you. That's selfish and disgusting.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Cheaters are so selfish, they aren't just your kids are they? I mean the dads have as many rights as you do. And just curious, if your so ashamed, and know your wrong, why the freak are you doing it? If you love those kids so much, why are you going down a path that is tearing their home apart. If you care so much, ask them how they feel about their mother, whoring around with a guy who has told her his family comes first, so you'll never have a clean healthy, above board life, but i guess thats the thrill of it all. Don't expect any sympathy, until you at least want a change, and are willing to try. Otherwise your just like any other selfish person who cheats on their family to scratch an itch, rather than give 100% to the lives of the people who need you. Thats selfish and disgusting.

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Worth a second reading. Also a 100% true.

My apologies to all for myself righteous rant.

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but we are in love with each other.

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Nothing wrong with that as long as you obey your promise to your partners and don't cross the boundaries.

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I really don't know what to do??

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Stay away from each other. Work on your own life and stay out of his. Its one thing to no be able to control who you have feelings for. Bur you can control what you do about it. Also know you are not the only one who will pay the price for bad behavior. Please love yourself enough to do the right thing for your family.

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Originally Posted by missy84

This all started 5 years ago for me.
I was dating my bf John for 3 yrs. I started working an met another guy Brian an left my bf for Brian. One month later I found out I was Pregnant. SO I left Brian an got back with John. I then moved back in with my mom till I could figure things out. After I had my baby John an I moved back in together after we got our son tested to make sure John was his father. We got married an everything seemed to be working out great. Then 6 months later I ran into Brian who is also married now an started having an affair with him. In January of 06 I got pregnant an told my husband that it was Brian's. Now my daughter is 5 months an Brian still hasnt told his wife about our baby. he doesnt want to hurt her nor do I because she can not have children of her own. We have been having this affair for almost 4 yrs now an both of us have tryed to stay away from one another but have not been able to do so. Brian an I have hurt our spouses so much and have really ruined both of ur marriages. My husband an Brian's wife want to work things out with us even though they both know about the affair. The problem is we can not stop seeing eachother. I love my husband and Brian loves his wife but we are inlove with eachother. I really dont know what to do?????

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Wow! Isn't it fun to be married and still have those fun and new and sneaky emotions for another person? I don't think you're bad, or a whore, or any of the things that many people might have said to you. I think you're perfectly normal, and more honest than most because you told your husband about the affair and the baby. Honestly, my advice is to always try to work things out with your husband because you have a life commitment to each other. If you feel that this is not something you want anymore, the life commitment to him, then end it. Divorce rates are up, but aren't people happier? Haven't we gotten past the situation of a husband and wife living in the same house.. . On opposite wings? It's 2008 - be honest and make the best of your life. It will be over before we know it, and damned if we can't say we lived it. Look out for yourself and make sure you're happy with yourself. If you're not happy with yourself, nobody else is going to change it.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Worth a second reading. Also a 100% true.

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I just wanted to say that this answer is coming from an uptight bi.. . For sure.

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Originally Posted by TheBun

I just wanted to say that this answer is coming from an uptight bi. . . for sure.

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Insightful. Please explain.

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Originally Posted by TheBun

Wow! Isn't it fun to be married and still have those fun and new and sneaky emotions for another person? I don't think you're bad, or a whore, or any of the things that many people might have said to you. I think you're perfectly normal, and more honest than most because you told your husband about the affair and the baby. Honestly, my advice is to always try to work things out with your husband because you have a life commitment to each other. If you feel that this is not something you want anymore, the life commitment to him, then end it. Divorce rates are up, but aren't people happier? Haven't we gotten past the situation of a husband and wife living in the same house . . . on opposite wings? It's 2008 - be honest and make the best of your life. It will be over before we know it, and damned if we can't say we lived it. Look out for yourself and make sure you're happy with yourself. If you're not happy with yourself, nobody else is going to change it.

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Am I understanding your post right? It is almost as if you are encouraging her (and anybody else for that matter) to cheat on their spouses. I don't know where your from but her actions are not socially acceptable anywhere I have been. It is not normal to have affairs, especially one that results in a child. What about 2008 makes these actions acceptable to you? Making the best of you life should not include ruing the lives of others.

Thanks All! I talked with my husband and with Brian and have decided to get a divorce! I'm giving my husband partial custody of my son so that he has both his mom and dad. Brian is going to tell his wife today and wants me and my daughter to be there with him when he does. I told him that I wasn't going to be meet up with them. I really don't need the drama nor does my 5 month old. I know I fu**ed up my marriage and take full responsibility for my actions. I have no regrets and am going to live my life day by day an not worry what's ahead for me in the future. I have my heath, my children and that's all I need.

Well I am glad you are doing the right thing in letting your husband go and find a better partner for himself. And I give that man all the respect in the world for not taking sole custody of the child. Because if that was me, you wouldn't see the child outside of supervised visits.

I don't have any kids but I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 and I have learned a lot from my sister. When she left the army at 19 she went off and married her best friend so they could get more money. Well he won't device her cause he like his money and she can't afford one. 3yrs later she meat someone else had a baby by him and she let him do what ever he wants to her and she see nothing wrong with it. Rasie your children by yourself if you need to my mother did it all by her she had three children and she same thing happen only difference she only married one person and that was my father and that was the bigest misstake of her life she said so. Don't worry about what other people say you do what you feel in your heart is right.

My sister went through the same thing but I was a little different, she married her best friend while in the army so they could get more money and she wanted to devorice him after she got out and he wouldn't because he liked the money. Now she's still married and she has a baby by someone that beats her all the time. Now the guy that was in the army with her said he won't devorice her for sure now and she can't let go of the man she got now. With that being said don't listen to other people if you and your husband decide you want to leave each other that's what you do. If the other man here doesn't want anything to do with his little girl but just you don't take up time with him. Something's are hard to let go and he is one but you have to ask yourself who do you love the most? Who would be the better person for you. The thing about marriage is that you don't run away from your problem you face them(I camend you on that step) and your spouse is there to hold your hand through it all. I'm not going to say your stupied or dumb. But it would be wise to get everything straightin out before your kid get old enough to understand and someone explains to them what mommies doing. I can tell you want to be an awsume parent but in your life you have some problems and when you can't search for a answer that's good enough pray god heals all hearts that are sincer. Take care everything will work it self out.