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-   -   Compulsive liar (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=208862)

  • Apr 23, 2008, 12:20 PM
    nanahelp
    Compulsive liar
    My granddaughter is 17 and lies all the time, she lies about everything, she lies to get out of trouble, she has been this way since she was five years old. It is getting worse, it is getting to the point where she lies and can very easily get people in real trouble. She says her dad hits her. She ditched school and when asked about it she said that she had been gang raped, unfortunately I don't think it happened. It is really getting scary. She is also seeing a school counselor, she has a very sweet face and even the couselers are believing her. I am afraid that her lies and going to get people in trouble. Please help.
  • Apr 23, 2008, 12:28 PM
    Edible
    She will do something one day which will show her true colours and everyone will see her for what she is. Sit her down and give her an ultermatim, tell her how you feel and how she's affecting everyone.
  • Apr 24, 2008, 09:03 PM
    nanahelp
    Worries me that she will turn on me and feel that she has no one. At 17 you never know which way she will go. Thanks
  • Apr 25, 2008, 02:38 PM
    Edible
    I'm 17 and I used to be like that when I was like 13. You need to make her see strait, make her see what she's doing. It worked for me.
  • Apr 25, 2008, 04:24 PM
    N0help4u
    Catch her in her lies and make her face them as soon as she says them or as soon as you catch on and tell her NO the truth of the matter is... You just didn't feel like going to school.
    Many people believe their own lies and as long as they go unchallenged they think they can get away with it so it does get worse and eventually they are in denial and even delusional about what the truth about anything really is.
    She needs some real consequences for her lies. Like if something she lied about could blow up in her face in a way she never expected that may wake her up.
  • May 21, 2008, 06:43 AM
    Reecie
    Every time she lies hold her to it. Don't let her wiggle out of it. Let her know, without a doubt, that you know she is lying and you don't believe her.

    You don't want her to be a pathological liar. They actually believe what they are saying. I know, I live with one. He lost everything we have/had because of his lying. I hate to say, that did not even stop him from lying. It is such a sickness.

    Reecie
  • May 21, 2008, 10:17 AM
    Sonador101
    Say I know you lie and give a long guilt trippy speech.
    And I have said this many times, threaten her with military school, that will shape ou then show her whose boss. She knows everyone believes her so shhe does for kicks, and to get her out of trouble.
  • May 21, 2008, 10:34 AM
    amcasbur
    If you don't create an environment where a lie is necessary then she may stop. She has become an individual who lies out of habit. Lying is her normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. She probably feels telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right.

    You may want to check out this website: Lying and Infidelity in Romantic Relationships - Truth About Deception
    It has some tips about confronting a liar.
  • May 21, 2008, 11:48 AM
    JBeaucaire
    You could try to OVER believe what she says. When she says something you clearly know or believe is false, go into overdrive on the topic... run to the end of the field and find as many ways as you can to respond to it as if you believe her and must "do" something about what she said.

    For instance, she said she was gang-raped. I would "freak out" at hearing that. I would call the police and get them into the house. "My daughter was gang-raped and we will protect her to the ends of the earth." I'd take her to the clinic for a full workup. I'd enroll her in 2-3 rape counseling groups.

    If she's telling the truth, everything you're doing is good. If she's lied, her lie is taking over her life and she may come clean.

    Take this approach as often as you can. Every time you detect a lie, find as many ways as you can to make her live that lie over and over again with as many people as you can until she figures out this is too much work and stops lying so much.
  • May 21, 2008, 12:09 PM
    Reecie
    Google Lying. You will be able to find out anything you want to know.
  • Jun 10, 2008, 08:25 PM
    ylaira
    Frm Wikipedia

    Mythomania is a condition involving compulsive lying by a person with no obvious motivation.[citation needed] The affected person might believe their lies to be truth, and may have to create elaborate myths to reconcile them with other facts. A pathological liar is someone who often embellishes his or her stories in a way that he or she believes will impress people. It may be that a pathological liar is different from a normal liar in that a pathological liar believes the lie he or she is telling to be true—at least in public—and is "playing" the role.. It could also be that pathological liars know precisely what they are doing. "Pathological liar" is a synonym for symptoms. Even though pathological lying is not recognized as a clinical disorder, legal court cases often require that the plaintiff prove that the defendant is aware that he or she is lying.[dubious – discuss] This proof is most important in cases of slander and/or liability.[clarify] Pathological liars often actually convince themselves that they are telling the truth, which in turn can alter polygraph tests and other questioning.[citation needed] Some[weasel words] have observed that when caught in a lie, pathological liars tend to become hostile or try to disregard the fact they lied; often playing it off as a joke.[citation needed]

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    I've watched one episode of Oprah Winfrey Show. One guest admitted that she's patholigical liar. She once called her friends in th middle of the night crying saying that she's committing suicide. Frantic friends came over her place, husband answered the door and they were told that she's just sleeping. Also she told her husband that one of their children has leukemia. They got the kid on treatment, had its spine injected with a big needle for nothing. Counselor said that Pathological/Compulsive liars doesn't like who they are and lies make them feel good because it makes them another individual they want to be. Friends of that guest said they noticed her lie even on little things when her grandmother died 2 decades ago.

    So as I understand on that episode, lying is a self-esteem, self image issue. Maybe there's a tragedy in ur family that your grandchild still in battle now.Im not a counselor myself and good that she's in therapy. Work on her self-confidence by praising her when she does nice things. It will take time but for now avoid being harsh when she lies. Show her the effect of her lies to other people without nagging. Less noise, she can feel guilt on her own.

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