I'm married but live over a thousand miles from my wife, due to work.  Even when I'm around her once or twice a year we never have sex.  I have had sex with my wife about 5 times over the last 3 years.  I have never cheated on her, but I want to have sex really bad.  Please give me your suggestions on what I should do?

Get a job and be nearer to her or bring her out to where you work, its simple as that make a choice job or wife

Why did you marry her?
How long have you been married?
Any children?

Well you need to start with honest, open communication. Have you talked about this at all?

I'm not going to knock your living choice... but id guess she feels distant emotionally... and couple that with a lack of opportunity for sex if she's faithful, and the mind can just "shut down" concerning sex as a coping mechanism... meaning in periods when I wasn't dating, and the possibility of sex just wasn't there, mentally id actually have a decreased libido... the minds way of shutting out what it can't have. Now... once the possibility came around again, the floodgates opened and it was kid-in-a-candy-store stuff.

I hate to generalize when talking about men vs women, because there's always exceptions. I dated a girl, for ex, who was more like a "typical guy" concerning sex, the stereotypical maniac whod jump at any chance to steal away. But all that said... I think sometimes women and men come at sex from opposite sides...

Men can seek physical contact to reinforce and drive the emotional side... I know if my partner is distant or sexually absent, I feel it physically, but also the emotional side gets going hard. My wife comes at it from the other angle... when things are going well emotionally, when stress is low, she's more apt to be in the mood for sexual fun. I'm not saying all men are one way and all women are another... Lord knows we get enough posts about women who are a little sex crazy and men who could care less about it.

But... if she's feeling distance emotionally, its likely playing a huge role in the bedroom. "issues" in the bedroom that don't involve the act itself (such as trying to find what works for a person) are often issues that aren't in the bedroom at all... it's a problem outside the bedroom that's the cause. Lack of sex is just the symptom.

So... first thing is first. You have to talk to your wife about this... sex and the marriage overall. I'm hoping she has things to say and I'm hoping you can talk to her without being accusing or angry. If you want your marriage to be lasting, you need to understand reality from both sides.

Time to talk.

If you have more info we need to know, please post.

You are virtural strangers! Good women are not that interested in having sex under these conditions. You are going to have to bring her beautiful, *expensive* gifts when you come into town... take her out to fine restaurants... wine and dine her, bring flowers and candy... make her feel like a queen. :)

You have to be *realistic* about a marriage conducted under the conditions you both have accepted. :)

The job needs to go-tell her/talk to her about this (if she's still interested), and get a new job.

P.S. I nearly ruined my marriage due to a job A very stupid thing to do...

First why has she also not moved to where you work ?

Why did you take the job far away from her to start with ?

And if she has a carrer where she is, why do you not move back.

If you really love someone, nothing, and I mean nothing will keep you apart. So a person in real love would be on the first plane back to live with and be with the person they love

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Choux

You are virtural strangers! Good women are not that interested in having sex under these conditions. You are going to have to bring her beautiful, *expensive* gifts when you come into town....take her out to fine restaurants....wine and dine her, bring flowers and candy....make her feel like a queen. :)

You have to be *realistic* about a marriage conducted under the conditions you both have accepted. :)

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Why, Choux? Isn't love enough for her?

I don't agree with Choux here, because that seems like buying sex/love to me.

However---with today's technology, there is absolutely no reason you can't stay intimately connected on a daily basis.

Send sweet emails or texts saying you're thinking of her. Have phone conversations about the things you miss about her. Find a way to turn her on in her MIND before you even get home.

LISTEN to her--she may be telling you why she doesn't feel that connection with you, enough to want to be intimate with you. Work on being close, being intimate OUTSIDE the bedroom or you'll never get close IN the bedroom.

One of you has to make a sacrifice and get a job near where the other works.

There is really no excuse to be living in opposite sides of the country.

Synnen is right, there are cheap ways to maintain frequent contact.

Long distance relationships never work out for long. Its not much of a marriage if you both care more about your careers than your marriage. Otherwise you would be living together.


And yes consider the fact that apart you are effectively maintaining two households rather than one. That costs far more reducing the excuses for staying apart.

Yes buy her diamonds , roses, a new Cadillac , a new wardrobe and you may just get yourself a quicky!!
That is such HOGWASH!! '
You people need to be closer. Why must you work so far from her? Why can't she move so you can be together all of the time? If neither one of you think that it is worth changing your careers for the other then that relationship is all but over anyway.