I haven't known the wherabouts of my daughter for five years. I finally have her address and phone number, and I am so nervous about contacting her. Should I write her or call her, and if she is angry, how do we get past that? I have three more daughters who I am very close with, but my oldest is from a previous relationship, and I was young and stupid and made serious mistakes. I was in touch with her for about a year, and then her mom sent her to live with relatives and disappeared. Now that I can contact her, I am worried that she thinks I bailed on her again. I need advice...

First how old is she, can you have a trusted third party contact her and explain it to her. Since you have no idea what the relatives have told her. And also in reverse it means she has also not contacted you in 5 years.

Send her a funny and pleasant greeting card with your phone number.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

First how old is she, can you have a trusted third party contact her and explain it to her. ? Since you have no idea what the relatives have told her. And also in reverse it means she has also not contacted you in 5 years.

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She turned 16 in February. I got the address from the only third party that is involved. The problem is that it has been made abundantly clear that the guardians don't want me in the picture-Don't get me wrong, they are good people. They don't know me at all and considering the life that my daughter's mother has led, I could be an axe murderer of dope fiend for all they know. I think I'm going to just write to her.

All due respect, this is something to be discussed with the guardians, I think, and in no way should you interfere. When she is 18 though, all bets are off. You can express yourself to them, but its up to them now, and you must respect that for now. You can set something up now, that will explain things for when she gets 18, but that's as far as it should go. Sorry.