My ex girlfriend came back to college yesterday aftera 4 week break, and after 4 weeks of us going no contact. She text me last night saying she understands the whole no contact thing but wants to say she's pleased for all the good things career wise that are going for me. She then added 'things couldn't be better now I bet!' I simply replied 'thanks' and she replied 'no worries, I wish we couldn't see each other' which I think she meant its just so hard when we do. I saw her around today, she even came up the green room where I was, and left instantly... even though all her friends were outside.my big problem is that I would do anything to have her back, but right now we have the whole no contact things going on and I don't want the door to be fully closed even though I know its prob best it is. I've only got 2 weeks left of college before ei leve for good and don't want to spend 2 weeks ignoring her.aghhh I'm so confused. I know the only reason id get in contact with is is for the small bit of hope that we'd get back 2gther. Maybe I just gota be strong and well and truly ride this out and put her behind me.

Sounds like MAYBE she is feeling the same?
Why don't you ask her 'so where does it go after no contact? Do we discuss how we can do things different to make it work or do I just leave and we go our separate ways once College is over?'' Then leave it go.

Oooooo that's good. I never thought about that. Very good. I'm currently in the middle of listening to brand new and writing a letter to her that I know ill never send... thank god! Yea cool ill send her that what you said on Friday night. What do you think?

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Originally Posted by srulik86

i know the only reason id get in contact with is is for the small bit of hope that we'd get back 2gther.

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That, my friend, is your worst enemy.

Hope, rather, false hope will bring you to your knees over and over and over again. You are treading on very thin ice. I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't want to see you get hurt like I, and many others here, have been in the past. Just because she is upset and having a hard time with this doesn't mean she's regretting it. Its understandable that she is upset, if she were not your relationship wasn't worth much, now was it?

Think of it this way:

Doors can always be re-opened, but without first shutting it, nothing has the chance to change. Close that door and get happy again...

I agree totally. But I think she has ha dthe door firmly slamed in her face, I just don't, really don't want to miss out on this if she has changed her mind. Which knowing her, if it was the case I'm sure she'd say. Aghhh! It's a toughy. I kind of wish I replied to her text last night. Ill just have to leave it and let fate take me where she wants me to go.

If she wants to get back with you, trust me, she'll make it known to you! She was the one to end it, its her responsibility to fix it if that's what she wants. You cannot approach the subject or even her with regards to that. Don't ask her what she wants to do from here on out. She has no say any longer in how you should act or feel, you can't let her have that power. Trust me, I went through this twice (I'm on my second go around now)... If they think the door is still wide open to them, they may walk back through it for awhile cause they miss you and miss having someone but soon afterwards they will turn around and walk right back out probably for the same reason they walked out in the first place. Close the door! If she wants back in, she'll have to start knocking... with a serious reason/explanation as to why she should be allowed back in.

Your right. Your so right. Its just so hard knowing she wants to tlak to me, has tried talking to me, and I just sht the door in her face in fear of getting hurt again or simply because I'm 'playing the no contact game.'

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Originally Posted by srulik86

your right. your so right. its just so hard knowing she wants to tlak to me, has tried talking to me, and i jsut sht the door in her face in fear of getting hurt again or simply coz im 'playing the no contact game.'

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Srulik,

Trust me when I tell you this. I, like many others, have been there before. It is one of the hardest things I ever had to do to watch the phone ring and not answer, or ignore that text message or IM, etc. I know exactly what your feeling...

However, I also know that I played that game. I told myself that I could handle just talking as friends. Every time we talked, I felt so much better. Then the next 3 or 4 days when we didn't talk, I felt horrible. I wanted to die. This process repeated probably 10 times or so until I got sick of it.

The truth is, she knows you don't hate her. She knows your doing what you need to do for yourself. Its your turn to do what's right for you, not her. She broke up with you because she was doing what is right for her, now your doing NC because your doing what's right for you.

You and I both know that the decision is yours, just be prepared if you decide to play the game. Personally, it was the worst expeirence of my life.

Yea I know and cheers. I've been through this also... wth the same girl! I don't think things have changed. At all! She just hates seeig everyone else getting my attention etc and not her. Its just so sad that in 2 weeks ill never see her again. Which before ethen I have a feeling another little drama will come up about it all. I wrote out a message that iwas going to send to her at the end of this week saying how I'm ina different place now and its good for me. I do miss her and don't want to close a door on her but I know that this is best.

Haha.. welcome to the club! Been with the same guy too! WE all got just keep reminding ourselves of that. There's other fish in the sea. While we're wasting our time on the same lost cause, we could be out finding the real deal. The best thing you can do for YOURSELF and in all actuality, HER, is to close the door. I keep imagining that in my head and its doing wonders! I've been doing the same thing, thinking I'm going to tell him how I'm doing so much better now, etc... but what's the point? He knows how I feel... even if I ignore him... he still knows how I feel!! You can only move on with or without them, when you have truly let them go.

How long have you been broken up? 4 weeks is not very long. My boyfriend and I were broken up for 11 weeks last time... and apparently that still wasn't enough. : ) Now, I'm taking the 90 days of NC I need ATLEAST(whether he wants to or not) to decide what I really want or not... if he needs to "find himself", then so do I! If he thinks he'd be happier single and free, then the same must be true for me!

Sorry if this made no sense, I just went out on a date, had 3 drinks, am a little tipsy, but feeling good. Not really into the guy I went out with at all but at least I'm feeling desirable again. Life doesn't end because of one person. It might be the beginning to something else new and unknown... it only takes one moment to change your life forever. Good or bad. We all just experienced the bad... the next moment to do that will hopefully be the good.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2710306, You don't have to keep making a new thread, just respond to the old ones.

OK, so the last 3 days have been awkward around college, espeically when we see each other... not talking... so yesterday I ahd enough so I text her... being weak and I said along the longs of 'i don't want you thinking I hate you, I don't... I just know I was wrong about us, etc but id like us to speak, and tsop this no contact' she was thrilled and said since Monday I am all she can think about. She went on to talk about how she is sorry that she keeps feeling stuff etc, I said 'look don't be silly, we can't help how we feel. Id be lying if I said I didn't fel the same etc. lets just enjoy college, the sun and on occasion each others company.' she said 'thats great! Well next time we see each other I expect a full on conversation. I do want to talk to u.are you in the pub on Friday?' I said 'yep you know me' anywhew we plan to meet in the pub like normal tomorrow with the rest of the sudent body. I was busy today so came in to green room literlay 5 seconds before ei ha dto leave again but got completely caught in the rain... ithe green room was packed and she was at the other side of the room, I didn't thiknk she saw me but then after college I got a text saying 'little bit wet!' I replied 'haha - just a bit' and heard nothing else from her. I know this is going to sound way harsh... but I still don't want my feelings to get ehart and if this is anything like the last 8 months... the up and down on off relationship we've had, I'm sure to get hurt. I've been invited to a aprty tomorrow night. Now I want to get back with my ex, but should I blow her off tomorrow and text her before ethe end of the day and say 'hey, turns out I won't be in the pub tonight after all. Have fun' and leave it as that. Because that way I'm kind of keeping my distance... letting her come to me if she is so desperate too, and at the sdame point I'm kind of doing the right thing... I think. O should I just go along with tomorrow as planned and prepeare to get hurt maybe. Any advice would be great.

You've already had some very good advice,

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The truth is, she knows you don't hate her. She knows your doing what you need to do for yourself. Its your turn to do what's right for you, not her. She broke up with you because she was doing what is right for her, now your doing NC because your doing what's right for you.

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You chose to ignore it, now you have made a commitment, and your scared stiff. Be a real man, and keep your word.