I am so angry at myself. Life really sucks at this point. I've had major depression and severe anxiety for about 15 years. It's getting worse. My mental drugs aren't working anymore and I know I need to change them or up the dosage, something. I've started to see people in my house and around my house I know aren't there. Frankly, that's a little spooky. I don't want to drive alone or be alone. All I want to do is sleep, cry and eat the entire kitchen. I hate myself. I am so lonely and ashamed of me. I've done some really crummy things in my life and I know this is how I'm paying for them. I have all the symptoms of a period yet no period shows up. I'm afraid to tell anyone anything. Pregnancy would just hold some consequences for me that I really don't think I could handle in any way. I'm scared out of my mind to take a test. I'm a horrible individual. I'm selfish cause I'm just really consumed with myself. It's just becoming more difficult for me to handle the everyday stresses of life and I really don't want to do it anymore. Little things set me off and I can visually see me ripping the head off the individual who wronged me - not that I could do it. I don't like this, it hurts. I want to be free and have a mind that doesn't tell me that I'm a total jerk. I want a heart that loves instead of this heavy one. Anyone else like this? Have you gotten over it? How did you do it? I have no support system anymore well, I have dogs. Thank you.

While I am sorry that you are going threw a time like this you could talk to me but this is the time I need you to pray for yourself and ask god to forgive you for the thing you done yes he will but never say that you hate yourself you are a beauty person inside and out so love yourself first and love should follow you everyday write down three things you did good about yourself and say you are proud of yourself god love you always

I think it is possible that you have worked yourself into a big, huge *pity party* so that you don't have to take the steps to improve your life one day at a time, girl. Am I correct?

Your life is what *you* make it no matter who you are! You do positive things; you will have a positive, enjoyable life. You do negative things; you will have a miserable life.

If you need help, get a life coach to help you make a plan to turn your life around and hence, your feelings about yourself. :)

Good luck in 2008!

I did ask God to forgive me and I gladly take His forgiveness. It's the guilt that I can't get rid of. It's not His fault by any means and I do not blame God for any choices I've made in my life. Thank you Mary.

Choux,
A pity party? I don't think so. I did not choose for my mother to have a brain tumor. I did not choose for my son to be molested. You don't think it's OK to have guilt from a mother's standpoint thinking I didn't do anything to protect my child? You do positive things and positive things will happen to you? You obviously watch too much Oprah and her New Age "The Secret" laws of attraction crap that she pushes.

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Originally Posted by SiJe

I did ask God to forgive me and I gladly take His forgiveness. It's the guilt that I can't get rid of. It's not His fault by any means and I do not blame God for any choices I've made in my life. Thank you Mary.

Choux,
A pity party? I don't think so. I did not choose for my mother to have a brain tumor. I did not choose for my son to be molested. You don't think it's ok to have guilt from a mother's standpoint thinking I didn't do anything to protect my child? You do positive things and positive things will happen to you? You obviously watch too much Oprah and her New Age "The Secret" laws of attraction crap that she pushes.

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Depression is not something you chose to have... and, you are depressed. The first thing to do is accept, that it is OK to be hurt, angry, guilty or sad. The second thing to do is pretty much anything. If all you can do today is get up and wash, then do that. The next day, get up, wash, and go for a one minute walk. Add one new task ever day, not a hard task, but any task at all and do it even if there is no energy or willpower.

If one day, or week, you slip back that is OK. Just do the tasks the next day.

Join Ask me helpdesk, and answer a question a day. Do something that will make you feel useful to other people, and I guarantee that your depression will start to subside.

Because, frankly, you need to realise whatever the c**p in your life, you are a useful human being, and worthy.

s,

You have to talk about all that bottled-up anger with a professional... That is what is making you sick, depressed and so on. You will feel better and be able to find enjoyment in life, will be able to make plans for a positive life. *You deserve* to have a happy positive life whether you can recognize this at the present time or not.


Best wishes :),