When u break up or split up...

I'm not sure what you mean by "decompressing" of NC...

But overall, NC is a way for the two of you (if you guys break up) to go on your own way and realize things you two wouldn't realize if you two were together. For the dumpee, it's time to focus on yourself and to work on getting over the other person and to just overall "heal". For the dumper, it's to figure out what they want and to also, focus on themselves.

If the dumpee wants the dumper back, clinging onto the dumper won't help the situation. If the dumpee doesn't want the dumper back, then NC will help the dumpee get over the situation much faster and more efficiently.

So its all about perspective?

I guess you could look at it like that. Both dumper/dumpee could gain perspective on the relationship... where it went wrong, how they could work it out (if possible), and also learn from their mistakes. It's also to look at themselves and focus on themselves (physically... career wise... academically... etc).

We split and both have gone to therapy - separately

Its been much better for me than I anticipated. The doc has sshowed me how far I let myself slide... how much better I deserve

Its crazy how things can change - a little over time - and you are unaware. I guess love clouds ones judgment.

She has gone home to be with her fam who is now fully behind therapy and to get her long overdue help. That great. I just wish I hadn't come to this since I have been pushing therapy for over a year now... sucks

NC sucks. Im hurt, yet I still care about her. And she hasn't checked in to see how I'm doing... I don't know why that's a surprise to me at this point, but its hurts regardless

I know how you feel. I suggest that you start looking at the two stickies in the relationship thread, as well as looking for other people's stories... there are plenty of stories here that mirror exactly what you're going through, and believe it or not, looking at some of these stories help a lot.

Best wishes.