I am an eighteen year old who has now been married three weeks as of tomorrow and I don't know if getting married right now was such a good idea because we have already gotten into one huge fight where a divorce was threatened and I kind of wonder if our life together will last till we die together. We have two wonderful kids and we love them to death. He is the father of both of them and I do not want them to lose their dad. How can we work together or what can we do to keep our marriage strong?:confused:

It depends on why you got married? Was it for the kids or did you honest to god love this man, Does he just rock your world? You shoulnd't settle for less then being treated like a princess. IF you are already fighting you may need to start counseling. But you are young. I am 23 now I got married when I was 18 too. Its been really hard because I have changed so much from the little kid I was to the adult I have become and I really don't know if my husband is really the right man for me either. ITs early enough to just annual the marriage if you want. You have your whole life ahead of you

You need to learn fair fighting techniques. Marriage counseling does this as do self help books. Both have to be on board and need to agree to fair fighting rules. This might be a place to start. Once you are fighting fairly, then you can address the issues.

Good luck

As a veteran of "married at 18" I can tell you honestly that we were blessed by not having children until we were 22.

That said, I echo Sylvan the key here is lean how to fight fairly and learn to live together.

We had four years to work out the "Stupids" as I now call them. In July we will celebrate our 43 anniversary.

It can be done, but it takes lots of work and being able to laugh with one another.

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Originally Posted by t_hanson06

I am an eighteen year old who has now been married three weeks as of tomorrow and I don't know if getting married right now was such a good idea because we have already gotten into one huge fight where a divorce was threatened and I kind of wonder if our life together will last till we die together. We have two wonderful kids and we love them to death. He is the father of both of them and I do not want them to lose their dad. How can we work together or what can we do to keep our marriage strong?:confused:

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One of the biggest misconceptions that newly weds entertain is the idea that one is married in order to be happy.

That isn't true. One is married in order to demonstrate one's love for each other and for God. Love for God is demonstrated in perseverance through suffering:

Romans 8 17 And if sons, heirs also; heirs indeed of God, and joint heirs with Christ: yet so, if we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified with him.

Matthew 24 13 But he that shall persevere to the end, he shall be saved.

Let me put it another way. Marriage is about God. It is not about you.

How do you demonstrate your love of God? By doing the little things. By going to Church, by praying, by telling Him you love Him, by giving alms to His children. In a word, by being faithful.

And how do you demonstrate your love for each other? By doing the things expected of a husband or a wife. By doing the things expected of a father and a mother. By working and providing for the family. By sacrificing your pleasure for the pleasure of your loved one, be it your spouse or your child. In a word, by being faithful.

Ephesians 5 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh. 32 This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself: and let the wife fear her husband.


And remember, Scripture admonishes,

Ephesians 4 26 Be angry, and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your anger.

Sincerely,

De Maria

You know it is easy to throw the "D" word out in a fight. It is almost said for the sole purpose of hurting the other person.
Marriage is hard work. It is not what the fairytales tell us it is going to be. We don't ride out onto the sunset and live happily ever after. We get our hands dirty, we fight, etc.

You are going to disagree. It is just going to happen. How you handle it makes all the difference in the world.
For every fight or trial/test, you get through it and get stronger.

Getting married right now may not have been the best idea. But, you are married now. You have two kids to think about. You are a family - you have to learn how to communicate with one another. Communication is KEY!
When you have discussions, try to take out the "button" words. Like, Always and never. He probably, in reality, doesn't "always do something" or "never does something".
When you have an issue you want to be heard. Statements of "You never do this.." puts the other person on the defensive. They will NOT hear you.
Try, "I feel like..".
Actually telling the other person how you feel or how an action makes you feel gets that person to listen and hear what you are saying.
If you tell someone, basically, that they suck - well they are more inclined to say well, F you. And give up. Did it accomplish anything? No.

Don't throw the towel in yet. Understand that there are going to be fights, arguments, heated discussions. It is going to happen. Bottom line!
Figure out how to handle them.

Good Luck.

Oh girl! I feel you. I've been married for 6 months, I am 20 and my husband is 21 and we fight over the dumbest things. Just today he threw in the D word and we yelled and all that... then again I AM pregnant so that might be the reason for the wild fights lol but I know its hard and just don't give up... especially since you have two little ones. I'm not saying be miserable and stay wit your husband just for your little ones, but make the effort to sit down with him and talk about how you feel... seems like you have the answer... you have to work TOGETHER how is all up to how bad you want to be in his life and vise versa. Wish you the best of luck and hopefully things will turn out great

Ladies,

When we were just married and in fact for a couple of years into our marriage, I swear my lady would get mad at me for the dumbest of reasons.

Personally, I now believe that it was all part of Wife101 that all women have instilled in them by the very fact that they are women. It is genetic and guys there is no defense. It covered under the training and domestication of your spouse.

I can't tell how many arguments we've had over the, "If I have to tell you what's wrong, your not paying attention any way." arguments.

Or the fights that started just by saying, "I'm home." response, "Oh its you!" or "You are not listening to me, are you?" "Sorry Dear, I was thinking about something else and didnt realize you were speaking to me." The next thing I see is her elbows and back. This from a woman who knows I get lost in the theory of something and math or even trying to fix the price of gas situation. The me she is talking to is no where to be found, until I stop and say to my-self, wait BJ just said something, let me find out what she needs or wants. How many of us guys have had that one tossed at us, I wonder?

I even remember fights because I wouldn't fight with her. I looked at her like she was an extraterrestrial.

Fights are going to happen. Fact of life. Usually they have nothing to do with the immediate situation. For example, My Lady is Scottish/Italian. I'm Irish and whatever mutt was running around that day.

She's very quick to temper, I'm very slow. When she starts fussing with me, I try really hard to figure out if she is mad at for a commission or omission that was actually my fault. Or is she just venting and knowing I'm slow to anger, dumping on me. By the I get that figured out, the argument is just about over.

I do remember one serious argument that was fast getting out of hand when she stopped cold in the middle of the argument, told me I was right and walked away. There I stood, totally in the right with no where to go and no way to finish whatever I was saying. And no one to listen to me!

Trust me, You can turn an argument right around by saying something simple,
Like: "I had no idea you felt as strongly about this, lets have a cup of tea and really talk about it." It does help to break the argument out of the moment and cool down a little. However, you do need to be honestly willing to listen to the other party without interruption.