I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months and I can not orgasm. Whether if it is actually intercourse or oral rubbing the . Both feel extraordinarily good but then it gets to one amazing place and won't go any higher to actually climax. My boyfriend stays hard (sorry for that very vivid image but I can't think another way to say it) and lasts as long as I need normally, but it never just happens. I thought maybe it is a mind thing and I just need to let go but I feel like I am relaxed and not scared or embarrassed about it. I feel like I should be climaxing but it just isn't happening ever. Could there be something else besides a mind controlling thing wrong with me? Thanks to anyone willing to say something about this.

I doubt anything is physically wrong with you, a lot of it is mental, you are trying to hard. Just relax and enjoy being close and intimate with your man, and it will come, but forcing it makes it so much harder. Try throwing some toys in there, maybe a "ring" or a vibrator.

I hate this and it makes my boyfriend like he sucks and he definitely doesn't. Maybe it is just all in my head. This sucks!

Girl this is NORMAL!! You are stressing about it. Seriously, try clitoral stimulation with a vibrator, it doesn't mean your man can't perform. But getting a girl off is a difficult task. How long have you been "active"?

Yeah, I probably am stressing. I think too much and worry too much. Um, he is my first and him and I have been active for about 3 months.

OK, I was active for FOUR YEARS before I discovered how to get myself off... so stop sweating it! You guys haven't learned each other's bodies perfectly yet. Hell I've been married for four years and I still don't know each and everything my husband does and doesn't like. This is part of the fun. Be open, tell him what turns you on and what turns you off. You got to have a healthy sex life. Get creative. There is nothing embarrassing about going to a novelty store and picking out some toys, they keep things steamy and spicy in the bedroom! Hope this helps!

Thank you very much. That kind of took a lot off my shoulders. Now maybe I won't worry so much about it. Thank you so much again :D

Oh and there isn't anything wrong with faking it a little to boost his ego, but make it believable. I faked it for the longest time because I too thought something might be wrong with me and I knew my hubby's ego would be damaged. But fake it smart!

Well I don't know about you but even though I haven't actually climaxed it still feels extremely amazing with the feeling as it is happening and how we are so close and things. I don't know how to fake it or I would just to make him feel better

Well if you are enjoying it a great deal, I see no need to fake it anyway... don't worry, eventually it will happen and when it does, you won't be able to get enough of it.

Thank you. I appreciate this a lot.

Someone told me that an orgasm is a mindless thing. I didn't get what she meant. Now, if I don't think about anything, blank mind, it's easy. I mean, orgasmic sex is easy.

We think too much about the more physical aspects of our lives. We are taught to think. If we aren't thinking the mind races around like a drunken monkey. Not thinking, just being, usually has to be learned.

To not think, of anything isn't boring. It's a whole new world.

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Originally Posted by ashley0716

oh and there isn't anything wrong with faking it a little to boost his ego, but make it believable. I faked it for the longest time because I too thought something might be wrong with me and I knew my hubby's ego would be damaged. but fake it smart!

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I have to disagree here.

Faking it is LYING. Lying is bad, in any relationship. Period.

It also makes it impossible for him to realize what actually IS working, and what you're just faking as working.

It is a cycle that perpetuates itself--it's next to impossible to come clean and say you were lying about lying.

Keep trying! Don't make it about the finale, enjoy the REST of the show! If the finale happens, GREAT! If not, there's always next time, right?

I think faking it is not a good idea also.. It's not being truthful and he might pick up on it.. and when it builds this thought in your head.. and it perpectuates in your head and makes things EVEN worse!!

I kind of have the same problem as you.. some people are just different. There may be only certain things that can get you off and that's OK.. I can not orgasm through sex itself, I have to rub myself while he thrusts.. (you should try that) it may just work..

I also cannot orgasm while he's going down on me.. it's totally a mental block.. and I don't know if I will ever get passed it.. but I have a lot of anxiety.. like I'm saying in my head "oh he's working so hard and im not coming and it must be hard for him." and so on and all that just makes it worse...

Best suggestion. Clear youe head and try not to think about anything else, and not worrying if he's having a bad time, just concentrate on the sensations

It sounds to me like he is "working you over", and you need some passion and emotional input.

You are not a piece of machinery... orgasming is quite emotional for many women. :)

I say get a new boyfriend, a guy more sensitive.

I have never had a climax due to something my man has done (correction: we have great sex, just not what works for me sometimes haha), he is just a clutz. But I have done stuff while we are together to have one. Maybe you should try something similar. You know what you need, and maybe he will watch you and repeat ;)

Most women cannot climax from intercourse alone. You may not be adequately relaxed, may need a different position, may need him to stimulte your clitoris during intercourse with his hands. Try different things and if they don't work, see your doctor.

Women are very emotionally wired so if something's wrong in the relationship, or you aren't sure you're ready for sex, or feel guilt, or whatever, your mind may be cutting you off.

You need to try new things, and explore each others bodies. Stimulating the clitoris, by rubbing it or just changing to a different position may help a great deal. I know that I can not orgasm from sex alone, rubbing the clitoris is a necessity. You have also only been active for 3 months, that is not a great deal of time. The missionary position does the least for me, and I know that it is usually the first position kids use. You can not be afraid to try new things, be 100% comfortable in yourself and in each other. A lot of it is in your head, don't be embarrassed to let it out, to be loud. The more relaxed you are, the better everything will feel.