Hello, I am in need of some help please :) I'm going through love withdrawal :(

I (24) was dating a wonderful man (28) for four years. Until we broke up 3 weeks ago. He wanted to take a break but I told him if he's not happy then we might as well break up. He insisted that he wanted to take a break and I insisted that I wanted to break up. He seemed sad.
- no contact for a week until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to meet up with him. He seemed cold, angry, and at the same time exhibited no emotions toward me. Told me he didn't want to be with me anymore etc. I did the desperate plea of how we should be together etc. I found out that he did not want to be with me anymore because I am too stressed out and I take it out on him. ( I am working on this now)

This is what I do not understand
- he is telling some people he still loves me but can't handle my being stressed out and taking out on him
- he is telling some people that Im not the one and that he wants to be single
- meanwhile is trying to date

What is he feeling? This has made me realize that I need to change for the better which I am working on right now but I really want him back. I lost my best friend and don't understand the mixed messages. Could there still be feelings on his part? What should I do?

Thank you so much for your help!!

We all go through this, and I went through this last summer. Don't beg, plead for him to come back to you, it will only push him away further. It will show you are desperate. As everyone will tell you, it will hurt you a lot but you have to be strong and not call him. Then he will wonder what you up to if he still cares. If not he won't contact you anymore. It doesn't always happen over night and they don't always come back, mine didn't. But I became a stronger person out of it and its his loss... good luck

You'll get threw this. If there are things you know you need to work on, do so. As for him, it could be that you two are just not right for each other.
Work on yourself and move on.
Don't beg and plead, it's tacky and I'm sure he's not worth it.

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- he is telling some people he still loves me but can't handle my being stressed out and taking out on him
- he is telling some people that Im not the one and that he wants to be single
- meanwhile is trying to date

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I think this is basically what he's feeling. As you've said, work on yourself and forget about him for now.

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Originally Posted by marcelled28

Hello, I am in need of some help please :) I'm going through love withdrawal :(

I (24) was dating a wonderful man (28) for four years. Until we broke up 3 weeks ago. He wanted to take a break but I told him if he's not happy then we might as well break up. He insisted that he wanted to take a break and I insisted that I wanted to break up. He seemed sad.
- no contact for a week until I couldnt take it anymore and decided to meet up with him. he seemed cold, angry, and at the same time exhibited no emotions toward me. told me he didn't want to be with me anymore etc. I did the desperate plea of how we should be together etc. I found out that he did not want to be with me anymore because I am too stressed out and I take it out on him. ( I am working on this now)

This is what I do not understand
- he is telling some people he still loves me but can't handle my being stressed out and taking out on him
- he is telling some people that Im not the one and that he wants to be single
- meanwhile is trying to date

what is he feeling? This has made me realize that i need to change for the better which i am working on right now but I really want him back. I lost my best friend and don't understand the mixed messages. Could there still be feelings on his part? what should I do?

Thank you so much for your help!!!!!!!!

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What will be will be!
If it is meant to happen it will!
& everything in life happens for a reason!

Take a step back and some time for you!

Marcelled28
Before sharing my thoughts I want to ask if this guy ever shared with you prior to this time that you were stressing him out. Had you visited about it or was this a total surprise?

I am sorry your are hurting and having love withdrawal, it is painful no matter how the break up comes about.

In my opinion, you did the correct thing in not agreeing to "taking a break" and going ahead with the breakup.

I believe he has moved on, the "taking a break" thing was to soften the blow and make it a little easier to distance himself before the ending of the relationship. You may be feeling that you made the wrong choice in not accepting his wanting to take a break first, thinking it might have worked out if he saw you improving on how you were trying to handle stress in a healthier way. I believe it would have only prolonged your hurt in your heart. A clean cut heals faster than a tear!

It is great that you are working on not being so stressed now, it will not only be healthier for you but also healthier for future relationships.

You stated:
This is what I do not understand
- he is telling some people he still loves me but can't handle my being stressed out and taking out on him
- he is telling some people that Im not the one and that he wants to be single
- meanwhile is trying to date

what is he feeling?

I would suggest that he is telling a few he still loves you (which he does I'm sure after being together that long however, I also believe he has ended the relationship in his heart), because the people he is telling this to would possibly not approve of him just breaking up so he is blaming you for the cause of it. When he says he wants to be single and is trying to date, I believe that is straight off the cuff... True.

Again, I feel sad that you miss him but for your sake, I hope you are able to let this go and move forward yourself. Don't blame yourself. There are always two people involved in the working or dissolving of a relationship. I know you love him and I would not be surprised if later, he has some melancholy moments of his own and calls and tries to get close to you again for a bit. I am sad to say though, I don't believe it would be a positive thing in your life to act on that. Best to you!

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I lost my best friend and don't understand the mixed messages.

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Forget what he says to others. His actions speak loud, and crystal clear, he has ended this relationship, and is moving on. You must do the same, so please read the 4 threads in my signature, to help you move on.