Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend having a child with another woman

My man and I have been to gether for 6 years,in August we separated and got back together in December. He was dating and so was I . Now we work out our minor issues stop dating our rebound friends,and are togther livng together and very happy.yeasterday he received a call from the girl he was dating while our 3 month separation,she said she is pregnant and keeping it she is now 5 months,she was going to leave and never tell him cause she knows he doesn't love her and that he is with me.she was going to keep it a secret but was advised by friends that she should tell him. So now out of the blue our 6 year relationship has changed. He is expecting a child from her ,and we are both struggling with what to do.she knows anout me and want to moved so she doesn't interfer with us,and is also unhappy cause she loves him.he doesn't want me to leave,he want to be with me,and is in love with me,but knows that this is hard. What should I do? He did'nt cheat we were separated for the 4 months but together 5 1/2 years prior to that and just recently purchased our first home togther.we have no children together because we were going to wait until marriage.we are both really depressed.he doesn't want her to take the kid and move,and he doesn't want me to suffer either., help me please...

Is he sure this baby is his? How would you feel about him having contact with this child?
I don't understand why she would even tell him about the child if she does not want him in the child's life.
I think you all need to talk about the possibility of this child being in your life and have a test once the baby is born to make sure it's his.

You all sound like you want the best for one another. She may ask for child support, deal with that if it happens. If everyone is fair and decent to one another, there is no need for her to move away. If she does move, he could still have visitation with his child.

Feeling depressed and scared? It's a new life growing in her uterus. No one needs to feel guilty. Be happy with the trust and love that you have. Tomorrow will happen whether you worry about it or not, so just take it one moment at a time.

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

You all sound like you want the best for one another. She may ask for child support, deal with that if it happens. If everyone is fair and decent to one another, there is no need for her to move away. If she does move, he could still have visitation with his child.

Feeling depressed and scared? It's a new life growing in her uterus. No one needs to feel guilty. Be happy with the trust and love that you have. Tommorow will happen whether you worry about it or not, so just take it one moment at a time.

Thank you so much for your support you don't know how much it mean s to me... thank you god bless I really need someone to talk to and I feel blessed that you have the time to help me in need. Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

You all sound like you want the best for one another. She may ask for child support, deal with that if it happens. If everyone is fair and decent to one another, there is no need for her to move away. If she does move, he could still have visitation with his child.

Feeling depressed and scared? It's a new life growing in her uterus. No one needs to feel guilty. Be happy with the trust and love that you have. Tommorow will happen whether you worry about it or not, so just take it one moment at a time.

I am feeling all kinds of things,I'm hurt but I'm strong . He feels bad that I will have to go through this ,but it only been 2 days since the bomb,no one knows but me ,him and his sister. I'm angry cause she hid it from him,she has 3 baby fathers ,lol I don't understand why she will do that to herself ,I feel like she did it this way hoping to trap him.but I'm not going no where I'm leaning on god to get us through,but the last 2 days I haven't slept or eating anything I'm just stuck .today she text him and said her stomach hurt,he was honest and told me what the text said as we were laying down,I told him to call her and make sure everything was okay. He did the conversation was through text message she had a checkup and the baby was fine.me and him then held each other and went to sleep.he turned off his phone so we won't be interuted.it was hard to even do that but I can't be that selfish this is a part of his life.im afraid of what my famliy and his will say or think.his sister said that we can make it.I willing to share him with a child but not with another woman,I explained that and he understands and want the same but is scared that it will get too rough and ugy. I'm trying to be here for him I never seen him so depressed.I think honesty will help us ,the worse part is that he didn't have a choice ,and now everything is upside down.he told me he feels 50/50 he want me to stay,and the other 50 is he want me to leave cause he loves me so much he doesn't want to see me go crazy,or depressed all the time he want me to be happy. He said he was going to leave the choice to me... so any more advice... I feel like you gave me a big hug I'm so emotionall,but you have made me feel hopefull thank you again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Is he sure this baby is his? How would you feel about him having contact with this child?
I don't understand why she would even tell him about the child if she does not want him in the child's life.
I think you all need to talk about the possibilty of this child being in your life and have a test once the baby is born to make sure it's his.

He want a test to,but he pretty sure he said cause of the timing and he said she not the type to sleep around,but he not taking any chances he still going to take the test even though he feels its his. I'm 24 he is 27 and she is 33 and said she kept it cause she was desperate to have another child she has 2 already from 2 different men now my man will be her 3rd baby father.I don't understand why she would have a child with someone she not with ,she barely knows him 4 months isn't ,I been with him 6 years and we still learnig each other. She is 33 and I'm shocked how she made this immature choice,but she is not my concern ,my relationship and my man new package is...

You sound like a sensitive, caring, person, and it would be great if you three adults could work together, to make sure this child is healthy, and happy. The rewards later would be well worth it. Its to late now to go back, and lay blame, and point fingers. All of your futures, are tied together, if this turns out to be his.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You sound like a sensitive, caring, person, and it would be great if you three adults could work together, to make sure this child is healthy, and happy. The rewards later would be well worth it. Its to late now to go back, and lay blame, and point fingers. All of your futures, are tied together, if this turns out to be his.

Thank you so much for your advice it means the world to me I'm trying to get support from somewhere. I willing to make the best of it as long as I can ,with him and I staying strong. And hoping she will be willing to accept the fact that she nor I am going no where.

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Originally Posted by cookie25

thank you so much for your advice it means the world to me im trying to get support from somewhere. i willing to make the best of it as long as i can ,with him and i staying strong. and hoping she will be willing to accept the fact that she nor i am going no where.

Please anyone I need all the advice I can get...

I agree with everyone else. Just remember one thing, the child is not to blame in this situation, it didn't have a choice, but all of you do. Just stand by your boyfriend and help him through this confusing time, lean on each other. The babies mother may not be your favorite person right now, but she doesn't seem to be trying to break you two up, in fact she is doing exactly the opposite. Sit down together and decide was is best for you and your boyfriend and her and the child. I wish you all the best. Take care.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

I agree with everyone else. Just remember one thing, the child is not to blame in this situation, it didn't have a choice, but all of you do. Just stand by your boyfriend and help him through this confusing time, lean on eachother. The babies mother may not be your favorite person right now, but she doesn't seem to be trying to break you two up, in fact she is doing exactly the opposite. Sit down together and decide was is best for you and your boyfriend and her and the child. I wish you all the best. Take care.

Thank you for your support. She only want to move on cause he is with me ,but if if I was here she would be with him cause she loves him... but I'm being the best I can right now,, god is walking me through us through.thank you again...

I'm going through the same thing right now, are you still with him?