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-   -   Girlfriend Troubles (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=206624)

  • Apr 16, 2008, 05:16 PM
    One_Asian_Guy
    Girlfriend Troubles
    Hey guys, (SORRY IF THIS IS TOO LONG)

    I am new to this kind of thread here. I have just been having some problems with my girlfriend, we have been going out for about a year and half (I am 23 and she is 21) she and I are also only child's. Things were just great in the first year or so. I should first let you guys know, that during the relationship, she did cheat on me with a guy she was previously involved with before meeting me. I chose to forgive her and continue the relationship.

    This past 6 months or so, she has been giving me a hard time about my schooling, saying that I am not doing everything I can to graduate. (I am a transfer student from JC to a university). I am really trying to do with what I can at school, but I also work about 30+ hours a week. And within the 6 months, she has tried to talk about marriage, but whenever I don't seem interested in the subject, she ends up giving me the cold shoulder and then later whenever I talk to her, she says that she lost the will to get married. We have fights and arguments usually once or twice in a 2 month period. It just seems that if things do not go her way, she is not happy. And whenever the topic of marriage comes up, she wants me to take it seriously.

    She would like us to be married by 23-24. I said that it is probably better to marry around 27-28. But she does not agree. I argue that if we marry young, we will have many troubles and probably more arguments. Mainly with money. She just wants to marry so she can move out, (she and her mom do not get along).

    I've done the best for her that I can, I pay for almost everything we do (since she does not work) Iam getting to the point where I might just snap and break up with her, plus the stress is not good for me either. If anyone can offer me some tip or advice on how to deal with the situation. I would be very grateful.
  • Apr 16, 2008, 05:43 PM
    N0help4u
    I say you need to break up with her. She sounds like the type that finds something to disagree and argue about for the sake of arguing. She is not happy with her mother.
    She doesn't sound all that happy with you and I bet she is not even happy with herself!
    You said she lost the will to get married, but then she wants to get married sooner than you want to. I think she is just looking for an out from her mothers and you are the most convenient. She does not work and you pay for everything so she has no concept of the value of what you put yourself through to provide for her. She will never ever truly appreciate you. You need to find somebody compatible!
    She needs to be on her own and learn to grow up.
    It isn't going to get any better. Can you live with the way she is the rest of your life?
    Once you would marry her then she would only find other things to complain about.
    Like why didn't you get home from work within a half hour. Why do you this and why that.
    Nag, nag, nag!
  • Apr 16, 2008, 09:59 PM
    jone8668
    Bro she wants to get married so she can move out. Are you serious. Come on you can't be stupid about this. It sounds like it is all about her. If your not ready to get married and don't want to talk about it who cares. If she likes you then she will respect that. But to want to get married so she can just get away from her mom sounds like trouble. I am a single college guy and I can tell you, get rid of her. She isn't worth it. And it sounds like she is planning too much for you. Get rid of her and get rid of your stress. She sounds crazy.
  • Apr 16, 2008, 10:45 PM
    talaniman
    She is trying to push you in a corner you don't want to be in. You've tried your best and its just not good enough. Break this off now and cut your losses and live the way you want to live.
    Quote:

    She just wants to marry so she can move out, (she and her mom do not get along).

    That's the dumbest reason for any guy to fall for. Look she has already cheated, now she has her own agenda too? You're her ticket away from her mother, and that will not work. Besides, you have seen enough to know she will never make you happy, so run for the hills, and let her find some dummy to give her what she wants. (before she gets pregnant or something)
  • Feb 28, 2009, 01:41 AM
    One_Asian_Guy
    Ex Girlfriend won't stop bothering me
    Hey guys, its been a while since I have posted in here. From the last time I posted in here, My girl and I have been having issue. Now that girl has become my ex-friend, and won't stop bothering me. (Just to refresh what I posted in here before, when she and I first dated, she cheated on me within the first 6 months of our relationship and I choose to forgive her) *SORRY AGAIN ITS SO LONG, JUST A LOT TO VENT!*

    Let me explain from the beginning, Towards the beginning of this year, I voiced out that I didn't like how one of her guy friends was giving her a lot of attention, and after I talk to her, she kind of gives me the cold shoulder for a day or two. Once I was able to talk with her again, she said that we don't really communicate/talk. And I only communicate with her when I don't like how a guy is treating her. (According to her, I have communication problems because I can't randomly talk about anything with her).

    Obviously, she is upset at the situation, and she asks for time to herself and think if she wants to continue our relationship, which I don't mind. Because I know everyone needs their own space to think. So I told her I won't talk with her online, call her or keep in touch with her in any way, so I won't influence her decision. I told her she could take as much time as she needs,

    During that time, she calls me and messages me online seeing how I am feeling and asks me how I feel about the situation, which I told her, I will respect any decision she makes and I am willing to try and work it out.

    2 days pass by, and she calls me to see if I want to meet up in person, And I said what for? She tells me to make things easier, So I obviously knew what her answer was going to be, I told her no. Lets just get it over with on the phone, she explains to me that I haven't changed much in my communication over the past year we have been together and she doesn't see me able to change if we ever got married. So we spend literally 3 hrs on the phone breaking up and saying our good byes and hang up. (This happened almost 2 months ago)

    Since then, she has been calling me at random times and messaging me online talking about our old relationship and how she screwed it up. And I keep telling that she will be fine and not to worry (I said we should try and be friends). It got to the point were I told her that its probably best we are friends, because that way we will not disappoint each other anymore. She texts me at random times saying she is sorry and how I truly loved and cared about her and she misses that from me.

    I tell her so many times that I don't want to talk about our past and I refuse meeting up with her in person (don't really want to suck myself into that) She has called me at times were she is crying and telling me that she messed up so bad. I try to comfort her the best I can, but I told her that I don't feel like dating anyone for a while. I am being honest, because I missed being single, (was in this relationship for 2 years).

    I just need some advise guys, should I blocked her completely and just not pick up any of her calls?
  • Feb 28, 2009, 04:06 AM
    Aliena

    This girls seems to love you a lot.but why are you hurting her like this?do you know how is it being in love when it cannot be reciprocated?

    You don't want to go further in your relation anymore?if that girl truly loves you,what you need more?what's the matter between you 2?
  • Feb 28, 2009, 10:37 AM
    talaniman

    Stop all contact with her, and sooner or later she will fade into the dust. Most couples who break up have no clue as to how to adjust their thinking, and behavior, to go from a romantic relationship to just being friends, and staying in each others lives. That takes time, and healing by you both so for now... No Contact!!

    You already know that, but are unwilling to do it!
  • Feb 28, 2009, 11:47 AM
    One_Asian_Guy

    You don't think it is too mean to just suddenly break off contact with after we have been talking on and off for almost after 2 months of the break up?

    Wouldn't I be going back on the what I said about trying to be friends?

    I just don't want be a jerk that's all

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