Well here it is. I am 23, and met this girl who is 23, we'll call B. We dated for a month or so then were together after that. While we were together I cheated on her with one of my exs, we'll call A, more than once. First time was a drunken night(never ever a reason ever) next couple times, yes drunk again, but we would start and I would push A away and make her leave. I knew it was wrong, so I stopped. Some time later in the relationship B found out through a friend. Broke up right then and there. B and I live about 250 miles away, and it was durning this distance I did the cheating. This summer I will be moving back home about 10 miles from B. I have since cut ALL ties with A so she is gone. There were many times I could have done the same with other random girls but refussed to put myself in that position, it was only A. B has mostly gotten through the yelling stages, we are now talking a little about it but doing mostly "hey how was your day" talking. I asked if she could give me another chance she said no. But then about a week after we broke up I got a little tipsy one Monday night and drove the 250 miles to her front door, I also brought a letter I wrote her the night she called it done. We talked about it pretty calmly, she read the letter, I asked her again if I could have another chance, she said nothing, so I said "just think about it, and take your time". We came to the conclusion that we can at least be friends, and that seems to be going GREAT. We hugged and I drove back that night, even though she said I could stay, because I had class in the morning at 9:30. Ridiculous, yes, but I was glad to see her face, and I can't sleep at night but 3-4hrs. I've had some good girls and really bad ones, but she is indescribable, minus amazing. Well my ?s: I want to be by her side for a very very long time if not forever, but what do I do, be her friend as I am trying? Should I just not wait and try to move on, I think I have done all I can do but wait. Do you think I need to go find who I really am? I know I screwed up BIG time, I have told her that the best I know how. If I know her she will always love me, but she might never come back. I cry not because she is gone, but because I hurt her, and let her and myself down. I am a Psychology major in school and know I am depressed, and working out of that, but even councilors need counciling sometimes? So because of that lay it on me and don't hold back, don't sugar coat. Thank You Everone For Your Time, Brandojesus.

Begin by forgiving yourself first. That will help with your depression. Along with that, I would suggest you give some thought as to how you want to handle relationships in the future. Make a commitment to yourself to be a more trustworthy individual. Let her know your feelings for her when you are not tipsy, give her time to sort out her feelings. Nuture the friendship if you both desire to do so and see where it leads. You both will know soon enough if there is enough trust and love there to sustain the relationship.

Once trust is broken, it is difficult to ever regain. There are always doubts, which bring accusations, which brings more hurt and more discention. Some people are able to forgive and forget and begin afresh, some are able to forgive the indiscretions but can't forget it happened (in terms of putting it behind them) but most are not. I admire you for taking the initiative to try to win her back and to explain to her however, it concerns me that you got "tipsy and drove". Seems your drinking is somewhat part of the issue causing problems.

You state: I want to be by her side for a very very long time if not forever, but what do I do, be her friend as i am trying? Should I just not wait and try to move on, I think I have done all I can do but wait. Do you think I need to go find who I really am? I know I screwed up BIG time, I have told her that the best I know how. If I know her she will always love me, but she might never come back. I cry not because she is gone, but because I hurt her, and let her and myself down.

You have berated yourself for getting drunk, screwing around, (more than once), you take the blame for messing up. You reached out to her yet sounds you are a bit ancy to wait for her. Are you too impatient? Do you feel it is a lost cause? How do you "go out and find who you really are?"

If I were her, I would read it that since you are moving close again, that is your reason for wanting to work things out but then, I am not a trusting person.

When you ask "Should I just not wait?" indicates to me you would be doing yourself and her a disservice if you continue to pursue her. Perhaps I am just misreading your meaning.

If this girl is someone you think you might want to marry and spent your life with, it will be worth proceeding with caution and honesty and sincerity. If you don't have to patience to wait and just have a friendship for awhile, then do both you and she a favor and just tell her you know you messed up, you realize you and she are not going to be able to re-establish a deep committed relationship. Ask her forgiveness then let her know you wish her well in her future and move on.

My post sounds a bit hit and miss here but I read in your post you fluctuating between rushing back but if she won't come around when you think she should, you are ready to move on.

Do you know what you want? Think about it and choose well. Every day is a new beginning.

I'm thinking you had not gotten A out of your system nor she you, which is why you kept getting drunk and going back and forth.
What concerns me about girl B is your feelings, "not so much because she is gone, but because you hurt her" which leads me to think you were not as into her as you thought, but you feel guilty for cheating on her. (which you should. It was wrong)
I think you should just let her be and get yourself together. Let this be a lesson learned, to not get into another relationship until you're over the last one and realize that cheating hurts not only the person you're cheating on, but in the long run it hurts you.

Alcohol is a very bad friend. Find a better one. You may say that everyone drinks and it's a social lubricant and all that. Fine. Ask yourself what it has done for you. What has it taken from you? What more are you willing to give away, because everyone drinks?

Booze switches intellect for emotion. It does it every time. To figure out what you want in life, intellect must be put first. Brutal honesty with yourself does not come from a bottle. That's a dream. Booze doesn't really take anything away from us. We choose to give it away, when we drink.

I do have to admit I am some what of an alcy. I've been fighting myself for awhile with that and am getting A lot better with help of friends and family, and am happy about that. By the time I got to her place I was sober nowhere close to anything! Very much so, I hurt her and that is what really hurts because I let her down. To sum up my feelings for her, love is not right its too over used, but she is everything I could ever look for and want, I just wish I could have been a better person for her as she was to me, and there would not be a problem. My friends call me Jesus, my name is Brandon, she made me feel like Brandon again, NOT Jesus. Not sure if that makes since, but it means a lot!! I am a very patience person, I have waited before on someone for 2 years I finally gave up, and to this day that girl considers me the one who got away, even though she knows I was there, but we are the closets friends 2 people of oppisite sex can be. But I would rather be more than that with B. To find who I am? I'm from Texas which means a lot of reflecting on who I am, what I've done, and where I'm going, while doing a lot of fishing, boating, camping, fires, hunting, and working on the truck. Simoneaugie, please don't get me wrong, I know that drinking fixes nothing just puts them off and causes more problems. From long ago I realized that, I come from a family of alcys, but when I have kids I don't want them raized as I was so I'm working on it, ever now in the middle of college, trying to make myself a better person. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I know I got a lot shining. Just 2 more things to work on; drinking-fight for the rest of my life, and cheating-done a little while ago, learned my lesson.

Brandon, I am glad you realize you have a problem with alcohol and are working on that issue. My understanding from my nephew having had a problem is that you don't just drink less, you are just better off not to drink. He died at age 37 from liver problems from drinking. That was just two years ago. His death has left us all with a hurt so deep. He did quit drinking a year before his death but that was too late. He was one of the sweetest, most tenderhearted people one could ever hope to meet in this life. I find that most of my friends who drink a lot, are those who are very tenderhearted and find life a little difficult to deal with... I wish you strength to make good decisions for yourself.

Simone makes some very valid points.

Brandon, you wrote:

But then about a week after we broke up I got a little tipsy one monday night and drove the 250 miles to her front door,

And now you say: By the time I got to her place I was sober

I am a bit concerned about not only your safety during the drive you were sobering up but also for the other travelers on the highway at that time.

I hope things work out with you and B and I am not trying to make alcohol the issue here but it did seem to play a huge part in this problem. Best to you.

I agree about the driving, I normally never EVER do that. 250miles is a 4-4.5 hour drive, I've been to AA and know how long it takes me to sober up, and how long it should. Yes I was thinking of others on the road, I went late at night, and every time someone would come up along me I would slow and let them pass, but STILL not right, EVER. jrebel7 thank you, I've had the same thing happen in my family, it opened my eyes, its very hard on everyone!! I've come along way from a handle a night, to now a case a week and a little more at an occastional party(it was those occastional parties), want to be to 2-3 drinks at a family or friend get together once a week or two MAX. If I can get to that goal I think I will be great.

I am wishing you much success in life. I am also hoping that you are diligently working on your drinking problem. It is very hard on the loved ones of alcoholics and it wreaks havoc in relationships. You sound like an intelligent guy. I hope you are taking this seriously.

Thank you Homegirl, I am trying my hardest to slow, and when I move back it will be even better having family much closer. I know drinking causes a lot of problems, or should I say it makes small things way worse. I am working on it cause I KNOW that is the first step to a much better, happier, and longer life!

Best of luck to you.

I think you have a lot of work to do on yourself, and a lot of growing, and learning about yourself, that you are not ready to just wait on anyone at this time. Conquer your own demons, and learn to build a happy, healthy, life and then you can deal with what life throws at you in a realistic, positive way. Leave the girl alone.

Brandon, it's the dream of every alky that he will be able to drink 2-3 like a normal person. If you can do it, great. I could not in spite of trying to drink like a normal person for more years than you have been alive. Quitting entirely may be your only option. Once alcohol hits the system of an alky, addiction takes over, and it gets worse as you get older. It becomes a losing battle, not a fight.

Sorry if I was harsh and ignored your girl dilemma. Girlfriends will work out. Being a drunk will not. If even one of your parents or grandparents is an alcoholic, you likely have the genes for it. It does not go away, ever. However, if you can quit entirely, it will leave you alone... until you let it into your body again.