I was a 31 year homemaker to a very angry, bitter man. He was unkind to the children and since the divorce have found out about hidden abuse of the children, mostly verbal as far as I know. Now that he is gone, he is going in and feigning friendship and love to them along with his new wife, and badmouthing me which I find out through my daughter in law. They neither one stand up for me as they are afraid to loose any so called love they never had from him. Although my daughter in law speaks up for me. He is full of lies and deciept. As for me, I am trying to reclaim my life, but have been so saddened because my daughter, which thought straight about all of his years of infidelity and unkind words, now is turned against me. He has connected with her but has turned a sweet, thoughtful daughter into a selfish, hurtful woman. He has caused her marriage to split and encourages her to party hard. How do I cope with this heartache? I plan to go see the grandkids next month, but don't want to be around her much. I can see the kids at my son in laws home, but plan to keep a distance from my daughter. I was one of the mothers who did everything for her children and loved them totally. Still do. But my fault was overcompensating for my husbands cruelty and being easy on the kids. Not an easy situation, but want to know if I am on course with keeping a distance from my hurtful daughter.

Dear Lovingever,
My heart goes out to you. I too have an adult daughter that has not spoken to me in almost a year. I believe this has very much to do with the current evil boyfriend!!
Can't understand it as she was raised to be loving and kindhearted. All we can do is pray for them that Jesus keeps them safe and healthy! Hang in there!!

I also have a daughter that has turned against me. My heart aches for you and every parent out there that has given their life so willingly to the children we love so much, just to have them turn their backs on us and block us out of their lives.

My daughter is 35 and for the first time this past Christmas, she shoved me out of her life and I still don't understand what I did. I was traumatized because I didn't see it coming. I have 3 granddaughters by her, and I don't know when and if I'll ever get to see them. I also overcompensated for her father when we were divorced many years ago, and she's never known how things really were.

Please hang in there. Your daughter may come around in time, once she realizes he's not what she thinks he is. She probably has needed to connect with him for a while, but some day she may realize who was really the responsible, loving parent she could depend on - that was you. At least you know in your heart you've been a good mother. I know I have been too.