Ask Me Help Desk - How to forget her & move on.

Hi guys,
I have been reading this forum for the past 5 months when my girlfriend of 11 years broke up with me. I have been feeling suicidal and dpressed and taken all kind of anti depressent & sleeping tablets since to ease my inside pain I am going through right now.

My problem is that whatever I do I can not think about her very second after 5 months and I still love her so much.

I have mainteined NC all the time and have never contacted her myself but she keeps calling me almost every week and she says that I am a part of her family and she wants to be my friend despite me saying that I can not to be her friend.

I am at work now and can not go into more details of story but will write more later.

The reason it isn't getting any better is because of the contact..
I know its hard to stop talking to someone who's been part of your every day life for so long but if you want to get better you have to stop talking to her until you heal..
I was with a girl for a year and a half and it took me 3 years to get over her because she insisted on maintaining contact.
An 11 year relationship will take forever to get out of your head if you keep doing this to yourself.
It will be impossible for you to move on if she's still part of your life.
You want to move on don't you?

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but she keeps calling me almost every week and she says that I am a part of her family and she wants to be my friend despite me saying that I can not to be her friend.

Hard to heal, and move on, with her always contacting you. Seems she is very determined to keep you closer than you want to be. Stop taking her calls, and be busy, and unavailable, until she leaves you alone. It's not unusual for exes to dump you and selfishly think you'll be friends. Stand up for yourself, and let her know that for now, she cannot have what she wants from you. Disappear from her life, and make it stick.

ouch 11 years is a long time to be together but not married... did she give a reason for the breakup? All things heal with time and it is OK to be depressed but you never want to end something like your life over a relationship. There are millions of fish in the sea and if it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be

hope I helped =)

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Originally Posted by heartbrokenguy

Hi guys,
I have been reading this forum for the past 5 months when my girlfriend of 11 years broke up with me. I have been feeling suicidal and dpressed and taken all kind of anti depressent & sleeping tablets since to ease my inside pain I am going through right now.

I don't mean to be obnoxious, but I hope you are using the type and amount of pills that are being prescribed by your doctor. Suicidal ideation is something that's extremely serious, as is taking meds. I'm sure you know this all but I'm wondering (hoping) that you're not coping with this heartache in a way that will be destructive to you.

We met quite early in our life. I was 18 and she was only 16 when we met and fell in love. It was very sweet like a movie when we first met were so deep in love for the first 4-5 years.
After going out for two years, we both moved from home to a different country to study at university and lived together there. We had a tremendous pressure at us during university time and it started to get to our relationship and caring less for each other.

The reason I never proposed to her and never got married is that both me and her were studying at university for 5 years and mentally and economically were not ready to do this and it took me 2-3 years after graduating to earn enough money to be ready for this now at the age of 30.

Her reason for breakup/dumping me is that she met me early in her life and she has not experinced the life and only been with me for 11 years. She says that does not believe in first love, and she's not the same person as I met when she was 16 and she's changed a lot and wants totally different things now. Although, she admits, I have been the best guy she's ever met or will meet in future and the problem for break up is not me. She's turning 28 in few months time needs to explore the life and be independent before she settles down.

She told me that she's not promissing anything and asked me to move on and not to wait for her.

She says that she loves me and cares about me so much but she's not in love with me any more. I've made it clear for her on a several occasions that I do not want to be her friend and can not maintain contact but she keeps calling me almost once a week.

I still love her to bits and would do anything to get her back. I know in fact this relationship would not work out in future but I still love her and want her back.

Please, advice if I should leave her alone and move on (which has not been easy for the past 5 months, I often cry to sleep and dreaming about her all the times) or try to get her back.

Moving on, is the only sensible course of action, as getting your life in order is the priority.

I feel like I'm in the same situation. My ex wants to still be friends, talking to me casually, and even telling me about her NEW relationship. And its only been two months! Since we broke up. I don't really understand the logic of this situation. How can they be selfish and do such thing. It's like they're not even thinking.

I had two choises - ignore her and have her keep contacting me until she gets the point. I felt that I should've done this... to make her feel that what she lost by breaking up with me. But its not WORTH it. Cause every contact she does = hurt for you. Even if you don't read her text or answer her phone, when you see that number... you remember her. This isn't a good path which I'm realizing.

The best thing to do... even though sometimes I ask myself if it was (trying to ask feedbacks from others as well about this) the right and proper thing to do, is to tell her DIRECTLY, to just leave you alone. Tell her that you don't want to contact her right now nor even for awhile... if ever again. That way, you won't find yourself looking at the phone trying to see if she is Going to TEXT or call u and if she remembers at all. You don't want this... the less you hear of her the better. I suggest you just tell her to just disappear. It might hurt her, it'll most likely will, my ex supposedly got hurt when I said that... but remember they were the one that broke up with us! It was their fault to begin WITH that all these happened and they should reap what they sow.

Tell her to leave you alone... that you no longer wish for any contact with her, and possible even say that right now, you want to feel that she just doesn't exist. You have to be selfish too... because in the end, its YOU that you would worry about. To heck with what she feels..