My heart is shattered and I fear it will never heal.

My son has recently married a woman 7 years his senior who was just barely divorced with 3 adopted children all under the age of 4.

We had many concerns because of several factors, the most worrisome was the fact that they only dated for one week before moving in together and them married 3 months later.

We have done everything to make her and her kids a part of the family. We went out and bought toys, a highchair for the first meeting. Invited all of them out to eat with the grandparents so that they could meet them. They wanted us to come up there after Xmas so that they wouldn't have to get the kids out, not a problem. The new wife picked that day to schedule a doctor's appointment. Our son was cooking dinner for his family, babysitting her kids and seeing his family for the first time since Thanksgiving.

As the months have progressed we have seen our son only once in several months. We try phoning and texting but he has asked that we leave them alone. "He's trying to grow up and live his life." What the heck is that supposed to mean? We are his parents and would like to be grandparents to these children, how does and occasional phone call keep him from living his life?

He has now told me that he doesn't want to hear the sound of my voice ever again. How do you say this to your mother? He will not return his father's, his only sister's or his grandparent's phone calls. How did we end up here.

He acts like a zombie when he is around this woman. We've seen him one time without her since the marriage and he was his old self. He has called once crying because she had threatened to leave him if he had anything to do with us and acted like himself. Is it possible for a 24 yr old college educated male to be brain washed into hating his own family?

We don't know what to do or who to turn to.

You have to respect his wishes. If you pursue trying to figure out how to fix things it could alienate him even more and to him he could use it to justify his actions. It sounds like she is controlling him and trying to make it out like you are the bad guy controlling him. Hopefully someday he will realize the emptiness without you.
You have already tried calling and writing he isn't responding so not much you can do but pray for him to wake up.

Yes, you don't do anything, and you let time help correct things in a few years hopefully.

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Originally Posted by jandtsmom

My heart is shattered and I fear it will never heal.

My son has recently married a woman 7 years his senior who was just barely divorced with 3 adopted children all under the age of 4.

We had many concerns because of several factors, the most worrisome was the fact that they only dated for one week before moving in together and them married 3 months later.

We have done everything to make her and her kids a part of the family. We went out and bought toys, a highchair for the first meeting. Invited all of them out to eat with the grandparents so that they could meet them. They wanted us to come up there after Xmas so that they wouldn't have to get the kids out, not a problem. The new wife picked that day to schedule a doctor's appointment. Our son was cooking dinner for his family, babysitting her kids and seeing his family for the first time since Thanksgiving.

As the months have progressed we have seen our son only once in several months. We try phoning and texting but he has asked that we leave them alone. "He's trying to grow up and live his life." What the heck is that supposed to mean? We are his parents and would like to be grandparents to these children, how does and occasional phone call keep him from living his life?

He has now told me that he doesn't want to hear the sound of my voice ever again. How do you say this to your mother?! He will not return his father's, his only sister's or his grandparent's phone calls. How did we end up here.

He acts like a zombie when he is around this woman. We've seen him one time without her since the marriage and he was his old self. He has called once crying because she had threatened to leave him if he had anything to do with us and acted like himself. Is it possible for a 24 yr old college educated male to be brain washed into hating his own family?

We don't know what to do or who to turn to.

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Thanks for the bits of advice. Hopefully, time will heal mine and his father's pain as well. Right now, the pain is almost too much to bear.

I feel like he's died and there is no grave to visit.

You've done your job. It is no longer within your control.

You gave him a good education and he is making his own decisions although it sounds like his wife is running the show.

Don't even think about getting involved financially in their situation. The sword cuts both ways.

When and if he finally comes to his senses, please keep your arms open and welcome him back warmly.