Ask Me Help Desk - Why should I settle?

Have had a rough road of dating over the past several years. It seems that I either end up with women that I can't fall in love with and break up after a short time, or I fall in love with them too fast and scare them away. Usually the case is simply physical attraction. I've tried real hard to overcome it. They are attracted to me, but I'm completely attracted to them.I usually do OK at the beginning but further into the relationship I feel like I can find someone that looks nicer or can make me feel better as a sexual partner. They always fall in love and I start to but then I second guess and it falls apart. Then I find someone that I am completely attracted to both physically, and emotionally, fall in love and she pulls away and I get dumped. Is there such thing as a perfect match? I know relationships have to be seeded and grown, but how can you be intimate with someone and have sex without being completely attracted to them physically on a long term basis?
Am I complicating things too much? Is it my Ego? After awhile you start to wonder if your going to find the perfect someone or grow old as a bachelor. Do people just settle and appreciate what they have? As I get older, I start to wonder. Is it common for people to settle for someone they aren't completely attracted to. I don't mean that I need to have a super model, but someone that turns me on. Why should I settle?

Don't settle for someone that you are not attracted to. I wouldn't advise anyone to date someone they weren't attracted to. People have personal preferences for example I like intelligent women so I would naturally gravitate toward woman who were.

But I think you are leaning toward the physical attractive aspect of a person. This is dangerously close to being a shallow person. If your think a woman is pretty and then you come across a woman that is drop dead gorgous are your ready to bail?

Attraction is more than looks.

If you're "settling" based on looks alone, then you're shallow, and doomed to be alone--because, face it: Eventually YOU are going to be too old to attract someone with great good looks and the blossom of youth (which is a HUGE part of what is considered "attractive" by many men).

So... what, exactly, are you basing your attraction on? Her personality should be the larger part of it. I know I'm not a supermodel myself, and my husband isn't exactly Johnny Depp--but we have an attraction to each other that runs MUCH deeper than looks.

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but how can you be intimate with someone and have sex without being completely attracted to them physically on a long term basis?

It happens all the time, but physical attraction only gets you so far, and it fades after a short time. Sex intensifies the attraction, but it fades with time also. Take more time to know someone, and maybe your not ready for a relationship yet.

You sound like the idiot I wrote about in my new post. Listen, loving someone, is to not just love their perfections, but also their imperfections. If your not happy with a girl then don't date her. But don't dump her because she's not a super model or a step ford wife. Nobody is perfect including you. Remember, beauty fades either way. Pick someone who is pretty, but also someone that makes you happy. Don't base who you want to be with on looks because when the two of you grow old, she'll have an ugly outside to match her ugly inside.

You should never settle, however you should reevaluate what you want in a partner from time to time. If a persons looks are your number one priority than you'll be missing out on a lot of great women.

Now don't get me wrong I strongly believe that there needs to be some sort of physical attraction in a relationship, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. The thing is that you shouldn't compare any one person to the standards your friends and society have instilled in you, because honestly no one in the world can meet those unrealistic standards.

I'm sure you meet plenty of attractive women but than you start comparing them to this image you have and all of sudden you don't find them attractive. That's the problem, and if you fix that you will be a lot happier.