Ask Me Help Desk - Interracial dating

I am 17 years old. Soon I will be leaving home to college. My parents trust me and everything I do. They believe I will be succuessful and make good decisions.

I have only dated black guys. I was in one relationship for 3 years and only "talk" to black guys that my parents know of. The one black guy I dated for so long took a LONG time for my parents to approve.. for a while, it was my age but I still knew that it had to do with race. After a while my parents invited him around and they grew a "relationship". My dad love sports and everything and he played high school football and went off to college to play so it kind of worked out well. Ever since him, I haven't really introduced any guy as my "boyfriend". The last one wasn't woth it.

Now, I'm getting ready to leave to college. Its been about a year since I've had a boyfriend and I am now talking to a black college football player.. I showed my mom pictures of him (she is the one that doesn't really care) and my dad knows I talk to someone but holds his tongue to ask any questions. The guy is really cool. We don't see each other often right now because he is in college. And I'm really not dumb or naïve.. I choose decent guys. I have a certain attraction and I know what it is.. I like him a lot and I can really tell he cares a lot about me..

Recently my dad brought up a interracial relationship conversation with me.. this isn't the first time. He gave me helpful advice and tried to tell me how "society" will view me and I need to keep an open mind because I will be putting a label on myself as "gorgeous but only dates black guys"... in a sense that label is fine with me.. in another sense, its not. But when I get married to whoever I get married to, I will be happy with that person.. I know that may sound young-minded but it is true. Society will never pay my bills or make me happy the way a relationship does..

My dad claims to want to "educate me and hope that i make the right choices" but I feel that he will be DESTROYED if I date another black guy.. he is very opinionated so I can't always speak my mind with him.. I do try though.

Also, he is half white and half puerto rican.. my mother is full puerto rican.. my dad would be so happy for me to date a hispanic but its like we don't even do many spanish traditions or even speak spanish.. (mom is fluent though) how can he expect me to be so drawn toward the culture?

I'm very smart. I'm popular. I have a bright future. I think I choose good guys. My dad trusts me a lot insticts but why can't he trust my decision in guys??

Any comments or advice??

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my dad trusts me a lot insticts but y can't he trust my decision in guys??

We dad's only want the best for our daughters, and honestly, we trust NO ONE! That's just how we are.

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Originally Posted by angie branch

but when i get married to whoever i get married to, i will be happy with that person.. i kno that may sound young-minded but it is true. society will never pay my bills or make me happy the way a relationship does..

my dad claims to jus want to "educate me and hope that i make the right choices" but i feel that he will be DESTROYED if i date another black guy.. he is very opinionated so i can't always speak my mind with him.. i do try though.

I don't think that sounds "young-minded" at all! I think you have a very mature outlook on it and know what you prefer and will not let society or "peer pressure" get to you.

Your dad is trying to be helpful, like a previous poster said, dad's trust no one when it comes to their little girls... he could be white, black, green, plaid, made of solid gold and dad would still have his reservations.

While it's pretty common today to look around and see interracial couples, we must all remember that not very long ago at all, this country was battling race riots and violence over disagreements over something as simple as skin color. When your dad was younger, imagine what he saw going on in the world, it was much different then. And him being hispanic, he may have also experienced some racial prejudices himself. Him being from an interracial relationship, he may have experienced it first hand from a different angle.

I too am the product of an interracial relationship (although my fair skinned, auburn haired, hazel eyed mother will tell you she is as Black as anyone). I'm not going to give away my age, but I don't really remember a LOT of people looking at my parents funny or anything like that. But I know it was an issue for society in general then. If it bothered my parents, they never let it show. Why? Because WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS DOESN'T MATTER! Being happy and in a loving relationship is what is important. Does the wrapper change the taste of the candy? NOPE! Would you turn down a million dollars because it came in a grocery bag instead of a breifcase? NOPE!

YOU are the one that is looking to be happy and share your experiences with someone of YOUR choosing.

Your dad is just expressing his concern for you, his desire for you to be happy. He wants to make it possible for you to avoid any problems in life... unrealistic, but that's what dad's do. The bottom line is that he knows you have common sense and can make educated decisions, he knows that you will not just bring home some thug-wanna-be just because of the color of his skin... he knows that you look deeper into the person. Knowing all of that, he will also know that you will be okay with whoever you decide to hook up with, long-term or short-term, no matter what they look like. Just keep showing your dad that you've got your proverbial "poop in a group" and he'll begin trusting your decisions.

Good luck!

PS... I'm in an interracial relationship with my fiancé that ALSO has an age difference. I don't know if people look at us because of the black/white thing or the age thing and frankly, I don't care.

Well I had about a two page answer, and it said this thread not accepting any new answers??

But I will sum it up in one sentence, I am in a mixed marriage and it is hard at times, we find problems from both sides, issues in stores, in restaurants and more.

Thank you guys a lot.
Izannah you make a lot of sense.. I understand he cares a lot about me and my future hapiness.
You touched on exactly what I was hoping for

"he knows that you look deeper into the person. Knowing all of that, he will also know that you will be okay with whoever you decide to hook up with, long-term or short-term, no matter what they look like"

I really do feel like he trusts my decisions. I don't want it to be a situation where I'm disrespecting him in any way or shaming him.. I feel like he trusts me so much that no matter what he wants to say at times, he doesn't but I don't want to hurt him without even knowing.

But I really apprecaite your insight.
If you have any other comments please feel free...