Hi, lately I've been feeling very scared about my future and the person I will become. I'm going to be 18 in less than a month and I can already see patterns of my dad's reactions and ways of dealing with situations. I hate it.
He is a very hard person to live with and is constantly in stress or in a bad mood. Every situation will end with is his way, emotional blackmail, verbal abuse, or (not so much lately) violence.. He holds on to the IM RIGHT BECAUSE I'M THE FATHER. You're the SON SO BE THE SON AND TAKE MY WORD AS GOSPEL. I just flat-out disagree with him on so many of his views..
I used to and still do tell myself.. "just ignore it.." "just get over it.. he just doesnt know.. what can you do" "i never want to be like that." and so on..
I find myself resenting him and his old fashioned ways more and more every day of my life. He has done a lot for me and I KNOW he loves me. I'm positive. He is just the worst person to communicate with. He doesn't understand that other people have different opinions.
With him and I, it is one of those relationships where I can't be myself or say what I am really thinking because he will explode. I have distanced myself lately and have been fending for myself around the house lately, I try to avoid even talking sometimes.. but when I do I keep it to the things I know won't anger him..
I have TRIED talking to him about this and he thinks I am not "being a man." That if I can't deal with it, then the door is right there.. Stupid and Immature things like that.. So I've learned to just not talk about it.. If all is right with him, he'll be okay to me..
I guess I have TWO big questions from all of this..
1: HOW CAN I PREVENT MYSELF FROM BECOMING LIKE HIM?. UNREASONABLE AND HARD TO BE AROUND...
2: WHAT CAN I DO NOW TO GET BY WITH HIM?
Please, don't think I want to throw myself a pitty-party.. He is a descent hardworking man and I will always love him for being my father. He CARES. He just.. He can't hear other people out..