Hello everyone- new comer, and have spent an extensive amount of time reading pages and pages of posts on here, and I wish I knew about this site years ago! I wanted to share with you my experiences, and advice, for those going through a breakup right now.

I'll start of by saying that I am currently going through a breakup (short end of the stick)

Stop blaming yourself!

It happens, and it sucks, I wish there was a better explanation for the initial rollercoaster you are going through, minutes seem like days, and days seem like months, it's natural, you're going through withdrawals, you will learn from this believe me!

As I mentioned above, in my 27 years of life, I have had relationships come and go, I have broken up with girls, and girls have broken up with me. I have taken both roads after the breakup (meaning begged/cried & I have done the NC) I'll elaborate on both now.

As many of you have read, the 1st option is never wise! The reality of the situation is that a trigger has gone of in your mate's mind which no longer has the same feelings for you that they once did (these feelings can be mixed, time will reveal that) begging for another shot makes those feelings come out more, the more and more you show the weakness….. walk away! It sounds hard; believe me I know, but being on both sides of the fence, begging someone for acceptance and for their love will not work.

The human mind works predominately out of raw emotions, we seldom process what we are thinking logically before making decisions, and let's be honest, when it comes to love, logic isn’t the 1st thing that comes to mind.

NC is the way to go, every time. I have seen the effects of NC on both ends, me being left, and enforcing NC you realize certain things about the person you "think is perfect" in reality it might not be that perfect after all. NC gives the other person time to miss you, as much as I hate games when it comes to love, "attraction" is a major part of relationships, and both women, and men want to feel some sort of a chase with their partners, if you can sit down right now and realize that you treated the person that left you with respect, and love NC & time will have positive affects- I’ll list the possible outcomes of NC now:

#1 - You realize that the person that left you isn't as perfect as you think they are, the issues that you dealt with during the relationship surface, and you will believe that they are not the right person for you, and better things are ahead.

#2 - The person that leaves you realizes that they made a mistake, if they want to be in your life again, make them work on that, they walked out on you REMEMBER THIS!

#3 - You meet someone new that shares the same feelings/interests that you do, and you can begin a new healthy relationship


Right now you are probably going through fear, fear of never finding someone that will love you, BELIEVE ME YOU WILL! The only people that stay single forever are the ones that chose to.


FOCUS on yourself, get fit, pick up new hobbies, concentrate more on work, regain that confidence you had when you 1st met your mate, and bring that person back. You will be sad, it’s a humbling experience, and remember to learn from each relationship, and make the next one better.

I wish everyone the best of luck, and remember you are not alone!

First of all this is spot on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eastcoast1

FOCUS on yourself, get fit, pick up new hobbies, concentrate more on work, regain that confidence you had when you 1st met your mate, and bring that person back.

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Regain the confidence you had when you first met your mate. So true, and for all the credit we want to give someone who is a recent break up, the truth is they took a lot from you. Confidence is not. It is hidden, and it wanting to come out. Confidence comes from with in, and the beauty of this time in your life is you can bring it back and build yourself up. As strange as this sounds, when you are confident all the time you lose focus and ride the high, when you misplace it, you get to reclaim it and work on your own personal challenges.

Yup spot on! :)

Excellent post!

That thing you said, "the human mind works predominately out of raw emotions, we seldom process what we are thinking logically before making decisions,"

Women are usually far less logical than men. Logic is not the only way to really "think." That's not in disagreement of your point though, just my angle on it.

We don't process the full reality of what/who is attracting us. We are not fully conscious, therefore we hurt ourselves and others. We are not honest either, therefore we hurt ourselves and others. We use NC, and it works. NC works because without the distraction of a significant other, we are both conscious and honest.

This post is awesome, it is so true being a female and going through what I have has shown me logic was never in anything that I did, going back and sleeping with him and sending angry desperate texts when I knew it was stupid... second day of N/C can't stop thinking about him. I know I can be strong

Hang in there Len21- you are strong, and believe me when I tell you that this time in life will make you a stronger person in the long run.

Keep that chin up :)