Ask Me Help Desk - What do you remind yourself?

What do you remind yourself?

When you're down and lost in thought about the breakup or your ex, is there something you remind yourself to get out of it? Is it a bad thing about the ex? Is it a run-through of the narrative of why things went wrong? Is it something positive about yourself? An affirmation?

I keep reminding myself that I need to focus on ME and NOT HIM. I wonder what is he doing, who he is seeing, how does he feel and does he miss me. It gets overwhelming. He is not in my life. I, on the other hand, am in my life. I am the only one I can control. And I should only be concerned with those in my life and myself right now. The speculation does not help.

The second paragraph you wrote above is exactly what I think about. I can't control what he does, what he thinks, or how he feels. And in return, I will not let him define what I do, what I think, or how I feel. The only thing I can control is myself and there's nothing I can do to change the situation of the breakup other than to let go and have faith. It might sound funny but at night when I'm about to go to sleep is when I find myself starting to get down. When that happens I keep repeating in my head "I have faith in God will see me through this"... its weird because I'm by no means religious at all but for some reason it helps. Have faith

Also, sometimes I just try to make myself believe that I broke up with him... I don't know, it makes you feel like you have power again. I think, "well, if he thinks being single is the right thing for him and will be fun and make him happier, it should be the same for me"... if you look at it that way it helps. Not saying there aren't times of sadness, but if you repeat positive ideas enough in your head you start believing them.

When I feel down about something, I look at all the good that are better. I look at the good I do have. With a man, think of the bad. Look at better men! You can find men that have things, better things, that your ex didn't.

Think about what is good about this situation. Think about what you can take for a better future. Maybe not now but when you have a clear head think about what you did wrong and what the other person did wrong. Think about how you change for the better in the future. Think about how this situation may have ended badly but the growth you took from it will hopefully stay with you.

Good comments guys, must keep focusing on the positives as hard as it is.

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Originally Posted by jamimama

When you're down and lost in thought about the breakup or your ex, is there something you remind yourself to get out of it? Is it a bad thing about the ex? Is it a run-through of the narrative of why things went wrong? Is it something positive about yourself? An affirmation?

I keep reminding myself that I need to focus on ME and NOT HIM. I wonder what is he doing, who he is seeing, how does he feel and does he miss me. It gets overwhelming. He is not in my life. I, on the other hand, am in my life. I am the only one I can control. And I should only be concerned with those in my life and myself right now. The speculation does not help.

It is more then okay to evaluate the relationship. Those thoughts are still so close to you.
When they come on like that, write them down. Get it out of you. But be sure and think of where the relationship went wrong. For each of you.

Flush your system out as much as you can and when you are done writing, get out of the house and do something you enjoy or just take a good long walk.

Set one goal for yourself, something you always wanted to do (that has nothing to do with him) and start putting steps in place to achieve that goal. Even if it's something has an art project.

I just started a thatch rug kit. They are very easy and really ease the mind.

Don't worry, this is all normal and is part of healing and learning, so when the next relationship comes, you will be a stronger, healthier and happier you :)

You know what I think? It may be "girl power" and full of random air *snaps*, but I say to myself, "I was the best thing you could have ever had."

Know that you are a wonderful, amazing, beautiful woman who has the world to offer the man of your dreams.

And I start listening to music. :)

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I keep reminding myself that I need to focus on ME and NOT HIM.

As I remember it, and its been a while, staying busy, and being out and about, was my only recourse, besides the weekend sports with the guys, but the apartment was immaculate, and the shoes were spit shined, and it was only later I understood what it was I had gone through, and was able to see the life lessons. So as you go through the healing process, don't worry if you don't understand what happening completely, because it gets much clearer later.