OK this fantasy stuff can some one help me with please, I , as you may have read already have so many problems with sex, and its been sugested that I learn to fantasise. Right now comes my problem, what on earth do I do? So I lay back shut my eyes and think? Of what? Hubby? Doing what? What ever it is that hubby has done before has certainly never had any effect on me to remember a damm thing before hand, in fact its been rather uninspiring to say the least.

So here it is , I lay back close my eyes and then all I see is total blackness, nothing ever comes into my head, so how do I change that?

Do you read romance novels? Or erotica? Anything like that?

Is there anything there that makes you even a little excited? That makes your mind wander to wondering how it would feel?

That might be a good place to start.

Dig deep, everyone has fantasies, you just have to discover what they are. We can't tell you what to fantasize about, everyone has different fantasies, what turns me on probably won't do a thing for you and vice versa. You sound like you've already given up, maybe it's time to talk to a counsellor about all of this. That's my opinion.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Do you read romance novels? or erotica? Anything like that?

Is there anything there that makes you even a little excited? That makes your mind wander to wondering how it would feel?

That might be a good place to start.

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I don't read anything at all, other than the likes of this, I have tried to read a few books but to be honest I forget before I turn the page what I just read. Excited? Me? Good knows more than I do. I really don't have any ideas at all, I have repeated things to him that have been sugested on the likes of here or elsewhere but the same thing happens every time, nothing at all, I don't even get wet!!

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Dig deep, everyone has fantasies, you just have to discover what they are. We can't tell you what to fantasize about, everyone has different fantasies, what turns me on probably won't do a thing for you and vice versa. You sound like you've already given up, maybe it's time to talk to a counsellor about all of this. That's my opinion.

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Unless you count that my fantasy is to have sex with the same sensations that everyone else talks about then no I really don't have a single thought regarding it, and I find it so upsetting. To feel nothing every time and just get poked and prodded until he's done with me then off to sleep he goes.

How about a little role playing? Something you saw in a movie that got you excited? Personally I love romantic movies, maybe that's the way to go instead of books.

I dontknow what excited is!! I don't watch TV anyway unless I'm having trouble getting to sleep as that is the best way in 5 seconds flat.
Also I really couldn't act on anything like that, I would just stand there and freeze totally. It scares the living daylights out of me if I was asked to do something such as this in normal life so I'm not doing it in the bedroom willingly

Oh Sweetie, I wish that I could give you an instant fix, I really do. I don't know what to tell you. I don't have the answer, but I do have two ears that listen very well, so if you need to talk, or just vent, I'm here. Maybe if we talk some more we'll come up with a solution, it can't hurt.

Thaks for the offer I might just take you up on that

By the way, you can call me Alty for short, that's what my other friends on this site call me, Altenweg is just way to long. :)

Anytime you need a friend just remember that I'm here and so are many others. There are wonderful caring people on this site, I don't know what I'd do without them, they are all here for you when you need them.

Well I've got to go for now. I hope you're okay, remember we're all here for you. Take care, have a coffee, and smile dear.

Bye for now.

OK... what really catches your attention for starters? Big muscular guys... average looking guys... skinny smooth guys? What sort of acts catch your attention the most... on the table... out in the back yard under the stars? That's a place to find inspiration.

Fantasies can be anything, literally anything. Took a while but wife found what really gets her going... actually she knew for longer than she admitted it but she did finally admit to it. ANd yeah it drives her crazy hot.

Two things really get her going more than other things... one of them she says both repulses her and yet strangely intrigues her. Gay porn... she really enjoys watching bisexual porn, and anything that has a woman wearing a strp-on doing a guy that doesn't invole anything rough or harsh. S&M and any form of domination turns her right off like a light.


Fantasies are just that. Dreams. Most times they will never come true and in some cases you never would want them to.

When you are lying down, play with your nipples and let your thoughts go... do you want a man or a woman giving you pleasure?

That would be a good start for you trying to get in touch with your sexuality...

Best wishes,

The idea of another woman touching me scares me sill why actually, no way would I ever have that happen. Playing with my nipples! What's that meant to do? They don't feel anything even if it was my husband doing it. Oh other than if he bitea them which just plain hurts

Not every woman responds to the same stuff. Some women like it rough, others are turned off by rough. Here's something that you might be able to do. If you have a store near you that rents adault movies go in alone and browse, look at the covers and see if anything strikes your fancy. That would give you ideas beyond what you might think of on your own. That's how wife figured out what gets her really going in a really big way, and she never has trouble getting going in the classic term. If you go alone you feel no pressure. You don't have to rent anything, its sort of like window shopping for new fashions.

I understand what your saying but I could do that on here really couldn't I, by just loking at various types of porn? But that's the trouble I have done that and sit there an look at it, and force myself to look and think "oh right! now what?" it kind of bores me and I feel unispired by any of it at all

Orgless, I really think that so much of your problem is mental. Somehow or another, you have gotten the idea that women should not enjoy sex, and that was ingrained in you for YEARS. Now you're trying to get past that--but it's going to take a good long while to re-train yourself that sex is supposed to be fun.

Your brain doesn't seem to find ANYTHING arousing. When you were first dating him, did you thrill to get a kiss from your husband?Was there ever a point where you were excited by seeing a guy, wondering if you'd get a kiss? THAT is the beginning of desire, the beginning of fantasy.

Short answer is I don't remember anything like that, I remember being pleased to see him and wanted to get out and away from home with him anywhere we could, would that be the same thing?

Not quite the same thing I was thinking, no.

What was at home that you wanted to get away from?

Simply puy my mum and dad and there ways of controlling me the way that they saw fit, for a young lady of 15!! i.e. they wanted me to be there little girl in frilly socks and dresses