Ask Me Help Desk - Cheating ex-girlfriend as a friend, years later

This is a re-focusing of my previous question. I dated a girl on/off for 4 years and she cheated several times. I bought her a ring and before I could give it to her, she dumped me for another guy. She would occasionally ask me out on a date only to say that she wasn't interested when I showed up. On one occasion her new boyfriend showed up and she told him how "stronger" he was than me (when she dumped him, he acted like he didn't care). We didn't talk for 5.5 years after that. The problem is she is extremely beautiful (tall, skinny, nice hips, big eyes) and extremely fun (goes on vacations, always going new places). My question is this: After ten years of being broken up, she messaged me on myspace and wants to be friends. I tried for two weeks but got creeped out by old history and told her I couldn't. Should I just get over it and be her friend? Or I should stay pissed at her cheating and using me after it was over? She said we should be friends because of the time we shared and sometimes I agree and sometimes I don't want to remember what she did to me. My emotions keep shifting. 50% I think she is a cheating, manipulative girl. 50% I think "god be mature and get over it and be her friend." I know I will always love her, because she was my first love. My career is prospects are still shifting and I need to focus but I am 28 and you don't live forever.

Hey, she is a bimbo! Stop wasting your time with her. It is very obvious she is just going to catch a man, him, then chuck him.
28 is young! Most relationships last long when they started in the 30's. Marriage is not safe, wait over 5 years before you start thinking about it. You sound like a good, semi stupid, guy.
Walk away from her! Look for a woman who wants you for who you are! A woman/man can cheat once, a second time makes them worth nothing.

I asking about a friendship. Whether its worth it or not. I'm not stupid. First love makes you retarded.

Quote:

Originally Posted by workedtoohard

This is a re-focusing of my previous question. I dated a girl on/off for 4 years and she cheated several times. I bought her a ring and before I could give it to her, she dumped me for another guy. She would occasionally ask me out on a date only to say that she wasn't interested when I showed up. On one occasion her new boyfriend showed up and she told him how "stronger" he was than me (when she dumped him, he acted like he didn't care). We didn't talk for 5.5 years after that. The problem is she is extremely beautiful (tall, skinny, nice hips, big eyes) and extremely fun (goes on vacations, always going new places). My question is this: After ten years of being broken up, she messaged me on myspace and wants to be friends. I tried for two weeks but got creeped out by old history and told her I couldn't. Should I just get over it and be her friend? or I should stay pissed at her cheating and using me after it was over? She said we should be friends because of the time we shared and sometimes I agree and sometimes I don't want to remember what she did to me. My emotions keep shifting. 50% I think she is a cheating, manipulative girl. 50% I think "god be mature and get over it and be her friend." I know I will always love her, because she was my first love. My career is prospects are still shifting and I need to focus but i am 28 and you don't live forever.

Why would you want to be friends with someone like that? She is a manipulative liar!

In many resepects, the requirements for friendship are greater than those needed for a relationship. You have to be there for each other, often without contact for a while. You need to ask what will she bring to the table as a friend. I think nothing.

Ignore her or block her requests. She is probably only contacting you because time has made her slightly more mature and she wants to ease some historic guilt!

I don't think its historic guilt. When we talked for two weeks recently, she sounded lonely and unhappy with how life was working out (which is how I am feeling lately). She isn't looking to get back together as we are living in different cities. She doesn't know but I am moving back to her city for work/school. What she did in our relationship still hurts bad when I think about it ten years later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by workedtoohard

I don't think its historic guilt. When we talked for two weeks recently, she sounded lonely and unhappy with how life was working out (which is how I am feeling lately). She isn't looking to get back together as we are living in different cities. She doesn't know but I am moving back to her city for work/school. What she did in our relationship still hurts bad when I think about it ten years later.

If it still hurts bad, after 10 years, then seeing her will open up those old wounds. I think you should think long and hard before doing it.

Quote:

I tried for two weeks but got creeped out by old history and told her I couldn't. Should I just get over it and be her friend?

You have already made a decision, what good is second guessing it? There will be many chances to make friends, and you don't have to settle for an ex that makes you uncomfortable now, and treated you bad before, that makes no sense. I suspect she is trolling for sympathy anyway. 10 years is a mighty long bridge to build, don't you think? She has grown, and changed, for the better? Who knows. Should you take a chance? NO! This is a case of leaving the past buried.

Why would you put your real name out there and accuse a woman of cheating on you when you have done it several times to other women and lied about it over and over. You would get caught and deny it even with the text messages right in front of you. This was when you liked shorter blondes not long legged brunettes, all your preferences seem to be lies depending who you talk to as well. Try counceling to find out who you really are before you pin all the accusations on others when its you that doesn't tell the truth and likes to drive to other states to cheat on your girlfriend.