Ask Me Help Desk - He does not want the baby!

Hi there! I'm a 23 year old girl and have been dating my current boyfriend for 5 months now. We are living 2 hours from each other..

First I was pregnant when I was 19 years old, my previous boyfriend and I wanted to kepp the baby, but my parents told me to have an abortion.. we were torn and it was not long after the abortion that we broke up, because my boyfriend blamed me for the abortion..

2 years later I was diagnosed with endometriosis, had a laparoscopy. A few months after the lap I satrted dating my current boyfriend. I was on the pill, but became pregnant this month. It was a bit of a shock, but I really want to keep this baby! My chances of having babies in the future becoz of my condition are slim.

So, I told my boyfriend about it, he wants me to have an abortion, because he doesn't know how we are going to do this.. I am miserable at the moment.. he questions everything I say.. at first he did not even believe my gynaecologist! I really and truly want to have this baby, because it might be my last, but he does not believe that either. He wants me to abort the baby and forget about it and also never let anyone know about it. He also say that he does not want to be known for someone who was bullied into marriage.. I didn't even suggest that, but ja! He says if I want to be a single mother, it is my choice!

If u guys could please give me some advice, I would appreciate it.

Do not let ANYONE bully you into something that you will regret and have to live with for the rest of your life.

It is obvious to me by reading what your wrote that YOU WANT THIS BABY!!

If it is going to be difficult for you to have kids in the future - then look at this child as a gift.
If your boyfriend isn't man enough to accept that he made this child - then let him walk and be a single mom.
Will it be easy? No - but you can do it.
If he doesn't want to get married - then don't - you do not have to get married because you are pregnant.

This is your life, you are an adult - he can not force you to have an abortion. Your parents can not force you to have an abortion.

Keep this baby - that is what you want.

If he is the only thing stopping you... I would say keep it. Plenty of women raise babies alone.

It's your body and your decision, but he also has a right to decide. Just because you want to keep the baby doesn't mean he has to be forced to. He does have to pay child support for this child though, after all, you didn't get pregnant all by yourself.

You haven't been together that long, and bringing an unexpected child into the world is scary. He's thinking of the future, and the costs, and the fact that you've only been together for a short time. He sounds scared and that's okay. Keep the lines of communication open, tell him how you feel and let him know that no matter what you decide that he has a stake in this too.

Good Luck.

When I disagree with someone, I always ask then WHY they feel the way they do.

It would be a good idea to talk to him about why specifically he wants you to abort the baby. Ultimately, the decision is up to you. Don't do it just because he wants you to, but it never hurts to try to see things from his perspective, and you can only do that by finding out not just how he feels, but why he feels that way.

As for your specific situation, I agree with NowWhat. It sounds to me like you really want to have the baby, and like I said, ultimately, it's up to you. Don't let anyone talk you into something you don't want to do.

Personally, I believe that babies shouldn't be aborted unless there is a danger to the baby or the mother.

It sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do. That said, keep the baby. You seem sorry you did not keep the last one and babies are not some kind of trash you can just discard. Lose the boyfriend unless he comes around. I'd leave it open for him to be a part of the child's life in the future if he choses to do so but would plan on being a single mom with sole custody and not expect anything from him. You do not need his approval on keeping the child or how to raise it. Once you make a decision you will feel much better. Family, friends, and community will be there for you. Good luck!

I'm sorry you have come to this awful situation...

Surely this boyfriend of your doesn't know what kind of emotional pain you have been through with your first abortion. Imagine with the second? If this isn't what he wanted now then he should have worn protection and not rely on birth control to be 100% effective.

Like the others have posted, if you want it, you keep it. He doesn't have control over your body and neither do your partents. Don't let words destroy this second child either.

Don't let him tell you not to keep YOUR baby. It is your decision and he can NOT make you give this baby up. And just because it is his baby does not mean he has to be in the child's life. If he doesn't want to that is his lose but don't let him ruin this great thing for you. You deserve to experience being a mommy and have a child of your own. Plenty of women raise children alone and do great. But you should not let him tell you what to do with your baby and your future.I hope you do what you want and keep this baby and raise it and just love it. Good luck.

Quote:

I really and truly want to have this baby,

Keep the baby, get rid of the b/f. Get child support.