Hi guys, First of all, I was under a different name in which I decided to change cause of certain reasons. I used my previous too much and can easily be tracked via Google in which I'm trying to avoid.

Anyway it's been two months since the break up with my ex. (She broke up with me - the topic: Emotional Confusion and Suffocation)

Anyway I tried the NC for a little while and I can definitely say it does work... the more time you have the more easier it gets. However, shame on me... I broke it. :mad:

On several occasions too... She text me saying how I was and everything first of all.

Then just recently... she called me as well. Around Thursday of last week, we ended up talking via AIM for over 2 hours, because she was not feeling well and needed my medical advice since I'm also a part time paramedic. Other than that, I can definitely say it was a pretty good conversation... although there were several things that she wrote that was somewhat enigmatic. I guess I'll leave out the details.

I feel like a fool already. I feel like I really messed up. She text me awhile ago and I was successful with it. As soon as I saw her text, I deleted it without ever bother reading it. (+1 for me) But a week later, I just failed hard because she called me and contacted me.

I took her off my Buddylist so I don't see her online anymore. It's just that she IMed me and I ended up talking to her.

I read somewhere written by Ash13, that silence is golden... and only break it if the person re-establishes contact. Yea.. she re-established contact but what do I do.

I feel like in my course of progression of moving on.. I went back several steps because of this. Again she's on my damn mind again. :mad:

Should I just keep NC and when do I end NC. She still wants to be friends...

If she text me = don't read and delete
If she calls me = don't pick it up
If she IM = don't respond
If she emails me = don't read and delete

Wouldn't she think I'm being mean.. It's just not my personally to do something so mean to a person that's all. I mean... she invited me to go her brother's recital. I'm cool with him and he is my friend, and I would go for him and not her but since she too will be there... gah..

Plus lately, I've had another emotional outburst of feelings for her. I'm trying REALLY hard not to say it and just wrote it down in book over and over again.

Thanks...

Also what bothers me is when she contacts me randomly when I at least expect it. A part of me just wish she doesn't contact me at all. Like... I can block her on AIM, text and email. But I can't block people on my cell.. which is gay. But this blocking thing I think is too much to do.

So go to the recital without her.

I know it can seem mean... but c'mon. What? Now you are feeling guilty on top of everything else? How messed is that?

Been there, my friend. Been where you are. Wanting to be a decent person while still struggling with all the noise from the relationship.

If being there for the guy means a lot to you, you have two choices. Go separately from her and be there for him or contact him and tell him you wish him the best but you just can't be there right not. Offer to meet with him some other time to celebrate the event.

I'm not one to say its all NC or failure. I've done limited NC with success once. It worked out. But I was able to find a balance. But more often than not, a clean break was better in my opinion.

So... can you do some limited contact? Sure. Its usually not the best thing to get over her. It'll bring up some hurt. It might even prolong your suffering. Or not. Maybe you can go support him and walk away from her and feel like you've made progress.

Sometimes you can't do NC completely due to situation, like working with the person or sharing common friends. In those cases, you have to enter the situation telling yourself that it isn't about her... its about the friend. It doesn't matter whether you and she fight or have a good conversation... its not about her.

Unless she tells you that she wants you back, and unless she has all the answers solved for why it all went wrong... its just not about her. And even then, it might not be enough.

Look... if she keeps chasing you down the truth can be that she's changed her mind. Or that she misses the comfort of knowing you are there for her.

So... what to do? Crap shoot.

If I think she's really trying hard to contact me, at some point I need to say "look... i dont want a friendship right now. i dont hate you, but i dont like where we are. if you arent all in, then i need to be all out for a time. if you dont understand that, then you dont get how i feel for you"...

The fact she's chasing you down is interesting, but no guarantee of anything. Always remember, if it fell apart for some reason, you have to solve that problem first before the relationship has any chance. Being lonely or missing the comfort of a relationship are not reasons to get back together.

Decision time Chris. The biggest mistake we make when we get dumped, actually caring what the ex thinks, and feels, more than our own feelings. You know you need to heal, but you can't tell her that? You talk forever about the smallest things, but you can't communicate your honest feelings to her? Do we see a pattern here? Do we see what the problem is? Healing is about the time you need to do what you must, for you. Anything less than being true to yourself, always ends in chaos, and confusion. She may love having you in her life and always available, but see what that does to you? So is it mean to have some time and space to heal?? I find it funny the dumper has no problem asking for time, and space, and a break, but we who get dumped can't do the same. And we are the ones that need it most. Love yourself enough, to put you, and your needs first for a change.

Two really great answers there Chris.

And to answer your question of "When is NC over?"

I believe you must stay with NC until you are completely over them. Any type of contact prior to that has the potential to give you that small glimmer of false hope which just takes you back in your healing process.

omg that was awesome guys x___x left me speechless. Also is so true, cause I can't communicate what I feel because I guess in a way I still think about what she feels etc etc. I need to avoid her somehow then.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Leonstryfe

Also is so true, cause I can't communicate what I feel because I guess in a way I still think about what she feels etc etc. I need to avoid her somehow then.

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Dude... its normal. Hell... I was two years on past my first love and I was still thinking "man, shed love this movie" or "shed think this food rocked"...

Its no fun. But its just the truth.

Takes a long time to get her out of your head. But I promise... in time, you can get her out of your head.

It just takes time.

And it sucks arse in the meantime.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ChrisStryfe

Also what bothers me is when she contacts me randomly when I atleast expect it. A part of me just wish she doesnt contact me at all. Like... I can block her on AIM, text and email. But I can't block people on my cell.. which is gay. but this blocking thing I think is too much to do.

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If she is continuing to try and contact you, be blunt with her. Say to her that it is not fair on you for the two of you to continue to be in touch, you deserve hapiness, with her around you are not going to achieve that.

I guess I got lucky and I'm one of those few who got a closure of some sort. We talked again one more time. It was a very long conversation full of flashbacks and memories. She IMs me telling me first that although she shouldn't be IMing me and telling me this, out of courtesy since she doesn't want me to find out through my friends, she tells me the guy she is dating, that they are in an officla relationship now and asked her out. Man for a person to move on so quickly... there was a third a party and its always true.

Apaprently they been dating and enjoying each others company.

Now as we talked she ends up saying what she wants is for us to be friends. Especially since we've been together for so long, that's its tough to not be friends. And she teared up saying she wants to be friends when I told her that I do not.

I told her that I cannot be a friend, and that now that I finally have the truth, this was the last push and I told her, I don't want to talk to her ever again. (Is that even right to say) that I do not want to be her friend because its not fair to me. That seeing her will just hurt me. I just don't understand her... frankly... I beginning to not care. Ok maybe I lied I still do care... but I just don't want to anymore.

Sometimes I just don't understand her logic. 4 years of being with her, 5 years of knowing her, spent my whole COLLEGE LIFE with her and she broke it up and within two months she is with another guy. And when I mentioned it, she goes defensive and thinks that me mentioning is bad... maybe I mentioned it too much... but GAH.. I hate relationships... right now..

Sorry thanks guys

Can't tell you what's right for you...

But when my girlfriend of 7 years (2 years HS, 4 college) and I crashed and burned, this after my helping her though college financially some (I worked, helped pay for credit debt, phone bills), and doing much of the heavy lifting emotionally (id be the one whod drive an hour to see her when she was lonely, id be the one to miss a class, etc)... when all was done and she wanted to remain friends I said goodbye. Have a good life. Leave me out of it.

It was a great decision. Sure I still thought about her way too much. Took almost two years to get her out of my system. But man... so glad I cut it off cleanly. Spending one more minute around her would have just delayed the healing process.

So you do what you need to do. For me, getting mad, getting angry, cutting all ties... just seemed to get the process rolling much faster. Never once have I thought I did the wrong thing, other than wallowing in frustration and sadness for about a year.

In some ways, doing this made later breakups easier to manage. With the next girl, it was just bad timing, nothing mean or malicious, so we were able to keep in contact as our paths crossed. With the one after her, having been cheated on after a 2 year relationship, I had no problem again cutting it clean... and the healing was much, much faster... id been through it before and I knew I could do it, get over it, and move on.

Get punched in the face enough times and you learn to duck and block hopefully.

Yea I've been with through thick and then. When she needs, I was always there and I loved her genuinely. I never really wanted anything from her except share my experiences with her and enjoy having someone to show what I love and vice versa. The thing is, I have been a wonderful BF to her... introduce her to my family and everything. I had a tough time several months ago and we got into an argument. It doesn't make sense cause she just let it go immediately.

The idea of her having sex with the new guy and saying the "I love you" is killing me right now. I thought I healed already but every time I do, some crap manages to break me slightly. Although I'm not in desperation and hopelessness as I was a month ago, it just sucks this is eating me mentally. I'm trying to forget but sometimes memories comes back and it just kills me. I find myself thinking "hwo could she do this?!" as I imagine their dates.

I really want to break all ties... It's just annoying that my friends who invited me to go to her recital and another two friends to go to their wedding, she too is invited. I definitely WILL not miss their wedding! But I don't want to see her either... Don't know what to do right now and with that one.

All I've been doing lately is playing and practicing the guitar, as well studies, and been going to the gym a lot. I feel and look much better... but even then... I'm still feeling blah about this. I even tried to go on a date with several girls and that just failed cause I wasn't happy... Friend's suggested hook ups... that just makes me feel dirty. It's not in my moral to do so nor want it... although the company of a woman I sometimes miss.

Damn it how do I get this girl off my mind, it's bothering me a lot right now -_-

Are you alone, by yourself, with nothing to do?

Actually, I've been working out, studying a lot more, and doing just about everything to keep my mind busy, with th exception of hooking up. I just don't want to do that. It's just that sometimes I get tid bits of memory and I remember her.. although I get hurt, I become angry than depressed.

I know I should be happy but I somehow feel a little disturb. As I said above I told her I don't want to talk to her nor become her friend nor have any communication with her. Apparently it hurt it a lot (I shouldn't even be caring about this -_-) and she blocks me from all the contacts she had. (I should be happy about that one) How come I get a little disturbed about it though. I can't face her and I want to heal. She's just so selfish. She thinks my NC is like revenge to hurt her, which isn't. It's more for me to heal and to accept all the hurtful crap she done and is doing to me.

Gah I know this girl isn't worth any of my time and consideration. I should just worry about work since Columbia Finals is soon lol. But the heart tells otherwise. Even though I don't want to do anything with her anymore. (The fact thjat she was with another iguy officially is the last straw for me. What's even worse is that this guy I even considered a friend at some point. I feel so stupid and naïve.)

I was wondering, should I have just ignored her (which will make her keep contacing me) or did I do the right thing (not wanting to be friends and telling her I want NC) which hurt her (I don't like hurting anyone) in which she got offended (dont know why) and did what I mentioned above?

Honestly your doing what we all did, going through the pain, and trying to make adjustments, so we can heal. Your still at the point your still giving her power by caring, when actually you have to start loving yourself more, and her less, does that make sense? Its your time to take care of you. As she has willingly gave up the rights to you putting her needs before your own, and since healing is what you need, then her leaving you alone is essential to that healing. When it comes to you, put yourself first, and do what you have to for you. Don't take her calls or texts and don't worry about her feelings, motives or anything else, as it's your time. Hang in there, it will get better, and things will come into better focus.